Ich liebe dich
by Tamekichi
Summary: Kyon x Yuki. Kyon finds that Yuki is slowly getting more human feelings due to the emotion of love affecting her. He must find out what to do while putting up with SOS activities, such as a movie outing and a sleep over at Nagato's apartment.
1. Chapter 1: Diary

Y'know that period during the school year when time seems to be going at a normal pace, but before you know it, the end of the school year is upon you? I always think "Where did the year go, I can't seem to remember it passing so fast." It's that time that is seemingly in between the crawling clip of the start of the year and the similar slothful celerity of the end of the year. Somewhere, it picks up without my knowing. There is a time when I stop thinking "I wish this year was over" and only start thinking about what I have to do tomorrow. It sure does make it seem like the year flew by.

Of course, I can only realize this when I'm sitting quietly in the clubroom playing board games with Koizumi, quietly sipping on Asahina-san's tea. My mind, coupled with my eyes, wanders around the room at various times until I arrive at something that can keep my captious attention from wavering anymore.

Sometimes I stop on the ever-still alien reading her book in the corner. Today it looks like she's reading a French novel, "L'Étranger". I can't help but think back on picturing Nagato's various emotions, however little thought I had to expel to do it was enough.

Nagato suddenly realized my eyes had stumbled upon her. The only way I knew this was because her own lavender eyes had darted toward me, and instantaneously darted back to the pages of her book. It was imperceptible, but, having hung around Nagato for at least a year and a half, I feel I can almost sense these things about her. Huh. I'd never seen her trademark concentration broken like that.

Just then, my random musings on the staggered pace of the year and the stagnate state of the clubroom were suddenly broken by the one person who brought us all together.

"YAHOO!"

Her trademark overbearing voice blasted as she slammed the door open. Asahina-san cutely squealed as she made sure all her preparations for Haruhi's enter were complete, running to get our Brigade Commander her Oolong tea.

"Thanks Mikuru!"

She tossed her bag in the corner and plopped down on the Commander's chair, in front of the commander's desk and the computer we extorted from those poor computer club members.

"Kyon! What is something every group of friends needs to experience?"

You not coming up with dumb ideas? I don't know, I give up.

"Stupid. We all need to go to a movie together, and have a sleep over!"

What? Are we little 4th grade girls now?

"It doesn't matter Kyon, if we have fun that will be all that counts. Since we all know where Yuki's place is and we know her parents are never there for some reason, let's have it there tomorrow night!"

Don't just go making plans at someone else's house for a party!

I looked at Nagato. She had stopped reading and was now intently staring at Haruhi.

"Sounds like it will be a fun time."

Koizumi's stupid smile and ever agreeing face only made these ideas more acceptable in Haruhi's mind.

"A-a sleep over?"

Asahina-san held the tea tray to her chest as she posed this meaningless question.

Haruhi jumped out of her seat with the quickness of a gymnast. She latched onto Asahina-san with her arms as a small sound could be heard

"Kyaa!"

"Of course a sleep over Mikuru! Won't it be fun? We can stay up and tell ghost stories and play games all night. Hey, maybe even something mysterious will happen! Boy that would be great! Let's have a talent contest too! Everyone has to do something tomorrow night to entertain the rest!"

Wait a sec. Isn't this kind of inappropriate? A sleep over with 5 high school students, not to mention one with both sexes. Plus, how are we supposed to come up with a show this quickly? At least for me, I'm not like anyone here, I'm untalented.

"I already said it doesn't matter as long as we have fun! I won't let anything funny happen as Brigade Chief, so you'd better not try anything Kyon! You hear me?"

How could I not hear you when you're yelling right into my face?

"Okay then! It's settled! Let's meet at the usual spot tomorrow at 6 PM for the movie! Afterward we'll head to Yuki's place."

And just like that my Saturday night was decided. Sigh. Looks like I'll have to lie to my mother again about my whereabouts. I'll have to tell Kunikida to remember that I told her I was sleeping at his house.

"I want everyone to get a good night's sleep tonight because tomorrow night is going to be a lot of fun! I don't think any of us will get any sleep! Dismissed!"

Haruhi quickly said those words as she grabbed her bag, and with one hand up in the air waving, she darted from the room. That girl. How does she have such incredible mood swings. At times like these it's hard to remember the melancholy Haruhi that sits behind me in class sighing. Actually, no it's not. That quiet Haruhi is my favorite one.

The rest of the people in the room did not move after Haruhi had gone. Nagato continued to look at the spot where Haruhi used to be. Koizumi just smiled as he turned his attention to cleaning up the board game. Asahina-san was still completely baffled.

"...s-sleep over. I-i-is that okay? I'll need to get clearance"

She was mumbling to herself again, as she seemed deep in thought but at the same time extremely worried. It's the same Asahina-san I had the pleasure of walking around town with that day I saved the spectacled boy from the van.

"I'm sure it will be alright Asahina-san, at least, if Haruhi doesn't do anything wild."

I tried to console her, as my insides seemed to melt when her emotions turned sour. Those tears that welled up in her eyes every so often were like the tears of my heart crying.

Whoa, I need to get a grip. We're not in some soap opera here. After that Koizumi put the board game away and left, while Asahina-san asked me to leave the room to change. I waited outside to retrieve my bag from inside after she was done. I thought we had gotten through another day without something out of the ordinary happening.

I thought.

After I said goodbye to Asahina-san, I went in to retrieve my bag. Nagato was still there. Usually she has closed her book by this time. I grabbed my bag and headed towards the door.

"See ya Nagato." I said without turning around.

Just then I felt a familiar tug on my arm. I reminisced to the last time this tug had happened. Back when we were in the world where Haruhi had disappeared. Back when Nagato was not an alien, back when she had nothing to do with the Integrated Data Entity. Back when she was just a normal girl...

I followed with my eyes down my arm to the disturbance, and there indeed was her hand, silently begging me to stay. Her face looked toward my shoes, bashfully, it seemed.

"Eh? Is something wrong Nagato?"

There was a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I thought about uttering these words. If Nagato were to think something is the matter, then something most definitely is the matter.

Nagato slowly nodded her head. She let go of my sleeve and walked toward the back of the clubroom. Her bag and open novel were on the table. She continued to face away from me, with her head still focused on the floor.

"Well, what is it? Is something wrong with Haruhi?"

She shook her head an inch to either side.

"Is there a disturbance or something?"

She nodded the same slow nod as before.

"Who's in trouble?"

"Me." She answered. Needless to say I was shocked. Not just because Nagato has never been in trouble since I've known her, but because I heard a twinge in her voice, the first time I've ever heard her monotone slip.

"You? What's wrong?"

"..."

She waited at least a 20 seconds to answer me. I couldn't tell if she was thinking or struggling to say what she wanted to say.

She finally quietly let out an answer: "I am not myself."

What? You not yourself? You're never not yourself! You're an alien.

"Lately there have been disturbances in my data correlation abilities. I cannot process the data I used to process easily. The Entity is non-responsive."

"..."

Now it was my turn for silence. I waited for her to go on but she stopped there, and turned toward the side of the room, now looking down at her open book with her bag next to it.

"Um... how long has this been happening?"

"7 days."

A week huh. I haven't noticed anything. Actually, the only thing I've noticed was the glance she made at me today as I was staring at her. It was a normal reaction, but not for someone as abnormal as her.

"Do you know what's wrong? What is causing this? Can you fix it?"

"..."

This time I was sure she was struggling to find the words. I thought perhaps I saw her flinch a little bit. C'mon Nagato, this is not like you at all. Don't scare me, you're the one I can trust the most.

"I don't know."

Don't know what. I asked three questions.

"I... don't know how to fix it. I do know what is wrong and what caused it. There has been a disturbance in my existence. Something has been altered inside of me. It has been altered by... a person."

Who Nagato? Who did this to you?

"..."

She stayed silent for a couple beats. She then raised her index finger. As it elevated, I saw it come to a stop, pointing directly at...

"You." She said.

Okay… what? Now I'm really confused. What did I do? I haven't done anything weird in the past month, let alone a week!

"...Nagato" I barely managed to helplessly squeak her name out before I saw something I am sure I'll never forget.

Nagato was slightly shivering. I could not see her face under her bangs as she still had her head down. I turned my attention to where she was looking, her book.

And there I saw 3 separate dots of moisture on the page.

Nagato was... crying.

"...Nagato" This time I said it with more force. What is going on? I'm really alarmed. Did I make Nagato cry? What is this? This certainly is not Nagato. Is it?

She stood there, silently sobbing, wetting the pages of her book. I took a couple steps toward her. I really wanted to console her. It's the same feeling to protect as I get with Asahina-san. But it felt stronger right now. This was Nagato, my protector. Not the other way around.

By now I was a couple feet from her, the both of us alone in the clubroom. The sun was low in the distance, and a wave of amber flowed over the room. It seemed like a dream. It must be a dream. I'm imagining this. She looked so helpless, so small and fragile.

I reached my hand out to touch her. She suddenly backed away, the whole time not allowing me to see her face. She put her sleeve over her eyes as she hurriedly stuffed her book into her bad and ran out of the room carrying it. I could hear her faint sobs as she ran past me. I was too speechless to move.

I noticed as she turned the corner that she had dropped her book. What am I doing standing here? If anyone just saw this whole scene, please, agree with me, this is way too out of the ordinary.

I unfroze, and, noticing my hand was still shoulder height in the position to touch Nagato, lowered it. I stared at the book. It looked less thick than the one she was reading.

I walked over to it, and upon further inspection, realized it was not Nagato's novel. It was much thinner. A ribbon was protruding out of the top. It was a diary. It was Nagato's diary.

Wait, Nagato's diary? What could an Alien Humanoid Interface need with a diary? Could she actually write about her... her thoughts, her emotions? My mind flashed back to the Disappearance world, back to when I asked to use the computer in the Literature Club room. Was Nagato hiding what she had written from me? Was she embarrassed? Was she... lonely?

I picked up the small binding. It was a black book, with a black ribbon and pages as white as newly fallen snow.

...newly fallen snow...

I realize the implications of reading someone else's personal thoughts, and the breaking of moral code by opening someone else's diary, but something was seriously wrong with Nagato. Besides, I thought, there is no way in hell I can pass up this chance.

I flipped through the pages, realizing most all of them were empty. I had better start at the beginning.

I closed the cover and then opened the front to the first page. It was dated 6 days ago.

"Diary,

I do not know what is happening. I do not understand. I am usually able to understand anything this world has to offer. But not now. Now I have these thoughts. There is jumbled data. Corrupted. I am using you to get the data I can remember out. It seems I am at my limit, and am losing my ability to process knowledge. I hope to be able to recognize the disturbance soon, and correct it."

It was not a diary of happenings, but a diary of thoughts. Nagato's thoughts. The things I have always been puzzled by, I've always wondered if they were there. I've always wondered if Nagato had human thoughts. It is now apparent she does.

On to the next page. My heart is pounding, for some reason. Maybe reading into the enigma of a girl's inner most thoughts is scary. Yeah that's it.

"Diary,

It has now been 3 days since this thing has happened to me, but I can safely say I know the reason. I can also say that it is possible to reverse this."

I let out an involuntary sigh as I read this line.

"But I cannot do it. This disturbance, taking affect on me 3 days ago. It is him. Kyon-kun. I have spent too long observing these organic lifeforms, and now I am feeling what they feel. I have pinpointed the one emotion that transformed my abilities and my own inner feelings. There is only one emotion among these organic lifeforms that can do it."

...

"Love."

Now I stopped reading. I lifted my eyes to gaze out the window. I was met by the same blinding amber color that was there before. The same color that was in the classroom when... when Nagato saved me from Asakura. Nagato... loves... me? No. Nope. Can't happen. No way. How is this possible? Even though I have come to know Nagato and her emotions, and have always regarded her as kind of cute, I never once thought that she felt anything like that. In fact, I didn't know she felt that much until now. Until me, and something 7 days ago. I thought about the time with Nakamura. Was she at least a little disappointed?

"A little."

she had said.

I would have looked really idiotic to anyone who would have seen me at that moment. Kneeling on the floor with a diary in my hands, gazing out the window, my bag on the floor a couple feet away from me. Not moving.

Wait. That is 5 days ago. What else could she have written? I turned to the next page carefully, as if I were to turn too fast Nagato's thoughts and words would fly off the page.

"Diary,

Now it is even harder for me to act so emotionless, and it seems it is going to get harder. I can not manipulate the data I need to anymore. I cannot do anything about my current state. All because of him. The only thing I can do is tell him. But I feel I can't do that.

Today I stared at him in the clubroom for some time. I studied him. I long to call to him. To speak to him. Kyon. To hear the words leave my mouth and reach his ears. But this is forbidden, and only a dream for me now. These are the thoughts that swim in my head now. They circle like sharks, with my body, my mind, helplessly in the middle. I want someone to save me, but at the same time, I want to be eaten by these sharks."

She is so poetic. This is really wrenching my heart. And to think, she just sits there while I ogle Asahina-san all the time, while Haruhi makes subtle advances on me, and she does nothing. Even Koizumi. Nah never mind.

I didn't want to think about this, but my hand autonomously started turning to the next page. My image of Nagato was fading, and the blushing, smiling Nagato from last December is replacing it.

"Dear Diary,

I am slowly becoming just so powerless. I am becoming more like them. The lifeforms. But I can never be like them. All I want... is to be liked... by him. I had a dream last night. I was in this same apartment. It was as bare as it is now. I was cold, colder than I had ever felt. I tried to move, but I was frozen in the middle of the room. I started to cry. For the first time, I realized I had no control over what I controlled the most throughout my whole existence: myself. My tears slid off my cheeks, and hit the floor, each one hitting louder and louder until they disappeared into snowflakes. The snowflakes filled the room, matching my coldness. I cried for a while, not knowing what to do, not knowing what was wrong. Only knowing one thing. I needed him at that moment. I cried out 'Kyon-kun!' And then he appeared in my doorway. 'What's wrong Yuki-rin, we're going to be late.' He took my hand, and the gentle white flakes flushed past my face. I began to move with him, in synch with him, as he led me one step at a time to the door. 'Kyon-kun' I murmured. He stopped us right in the doorway and turned to me. 'Yuki-rin' he said quietly as he placed his hands on my shoulders. 'It will all be alright.' He said this as he pulled my body close to his, and embraced me. I then woke up out of my fairy tale, and the same snowflakes began welling in my eyes, as I stared through the blur at the barren apartment. My barren apartment with no life. My barren life, with no meaning. What is happening to me?

Yuki-rin"

...

I was now held speechless by a book for the first time in my life. Well, not a book, but by Nagato. Her thoughts. Her dream. A dream about... me. She had signed it Yuki-rin.

Yuki-rin.

I can't read anymore. Or else I might start to cry.

I took the diary and placed it in my bag, and headed out the door of the clubroom. I had to go to see her. Not for any reason, but… for clarification. This is just too much.

My bike came to a screeching halt outside of Nagato's apartment building. I waited for someone to come out of the door, and then headed on inside, leaving my bag with the manager at the front. My bag... except for one thing that was in it.

As I headed up to her room in the elevator, a wave of fear came over me. There is no last line of defense anymore. I can't keep having these weird things happen to me. What if another Asakura comes along. I'll be dead, that's what.

I stood facing her door. I thought perhaps I heard the faint sound of a violin.

I knocked twice softly, and the faint noise stopped.

"...yes?"

An answer. Nagato never answers, or rather, she answers with silence. Needless to say, it threw me off a little.

"Nagato... it's... me, Kyon."

"..."

Now there was the silence.

"Can I come in?"

"..."

I waited for about thirty seconds before I heard her.

"...yes."

She timidly opened the door, and once again, for like the thirtieth time today, I was surprised by what I saw. Nagato, in casual clothes, standing in front of an apartment more furnished than the one I had visited before. There were chairs and rugs and curtains and bookshelf's and all sorts of things you'd think a human being would have.

And Nagato herself, clad in a sleeveless white top with a ribbon tie, capri pants and sandals of the same color. Her head was again focused on my feet.

Speechless. Surprised. Flabbergasted. All things that could describe me. We must have stood there like that for another minute or so before I regained thought and remembered why I came here.

"Nagato." I said, raising my hand, and with it, the object it held.

Nagato raised her head up, and her eyes widened a little as she read the words on the front of the object.

"Diary of Nagato Yuki."

She stood there looking at it. Her hands were at her sides. At least it was a trademark Nagato pose, sans the face.

She spoke suddenly, taking her gaze away from the diary, and back to my feet.

"Did you read it?"

I didn't know how to answer. I really wish I hadn't so I didn't have to lie to her. Or do I want to lie to her at all, this humanoid interface who suddenly has, unbeknownst to her, confessed her love for me?

I could only manage to stutter out an "uh..." before she put her hand out, palm up.

"Please."

She said. Now her eyes were on mine, the first time I had looked at these eyes straight on since she tugged at my shirt back at school. She sure was not freaking out like Asahina-san or Haruhi would. Of course, they would freak out in different ways, the latter of which would probably result in my face getting kicked.

I slowly placed the diary in her hand. Her fingers curled around the black leather and ribbon as her other hand joined the first on the book. She opened it to the first page, and then closed it, and clutched it to her chest. A cute pose I might have enjoyed if I weren't so scared right now.

Both her and my eyes darted away as we stood in awkward silence, the kind that reminded me of the first time I had met Nagato. I decided I needed to break this silence before I went crazy.

"Nagato, what did you mean... when you said... I-i was the disturbance?"

I knew the answer already.

"..."

But she did not answer. And contrary to the usual, it didn't seem like she was going to. In fact, I didn't really expect an answer now, as she closed her eyes.

"Nagato, please. Don't cry again." I meant this. I did not want to have my conscience wrenched again. I could see tears forming, seeping out of her eyelids. It seemed like she was trying to stop, but couldn't. She couldn't control herself anymore.

She opened her eyes to look at mine. The tears were now welled up, as she took her hand away from her diary and placed it on my chest, over my heart. The tears began to fall down her cheeks.

"Please...go..."

She said this as her face lowered, and she began to shake again, just like before. I saw a glimmer come from a falling crystal, a teardrop of immense meaning.

"Nagato, I can't... not if you're..."

"Please..."

She took her hand off of me and returned it to her diary on her chest. She turned, and slowly started to close her door.

"Nagato! Please!" I wanted so badly to talk to her, just to help her sort things out. I didn't want her to be like this, dreaming, stuck in a blizzard.

"...please..." She said this with an even fainter tone as she sobbed. The door then closed over her, as I was again left out in the hallway.

Alone, staring at the number 708.


	2. Chapter 2: Ich Liebe Dich

So, as I lay in bed the next morning, trying hard to decide if I should show up to our movie gathering, I thought about this new Nagato. It seems that she has fallen in love with me, and this emotion has started to turn her from an alien interface into an actual human girl, complete with real... sigh... emotions. My sister came in to wake me up only to see my eyes already open, staring at the ceiling.

"Ohh, you're already awake. Hey where's Shami? Shami!"

I pointed to the cat I had tossed off the bed when I awoke. He was playing dead to spite me. Like I care, you get pampered enough you lazy feline.

I stayed cooped up in my room all day thinking. About various things. About the movie. About what I should do for our stupid talent competition. About... Nagato. We're going to be staying at her apartment. I wonder if she'll be able to bear it with me around, if she cries every time she sees me now. I guess I'll find out. This certainly wasn't the Nagato I was used to. All I could do to ease my mind was flip through the various TV programs on or read manga, it certainly was relaxing when I wasn't thinking.

Before I knew it though, it was time to get ready to head down to the station to meet. I got dressed after bathing and rode my bike down the oh so familiar street to get to our destination. Of course, I was 15 minutes early as I parked my bike. I turned the corner to see the complete SOS Brigade waiting for me, with the exception of the grunt, who was just about to join them.

"Once again, you're late Kyon! You should have hurried, you showed up just after Yuki."

Haruhi seemed full of joy as always. I turned my attention to the silent girl who had caused my brain so much trouble to past few hours. She was dressed in the North High uniform, complete with trademark Nagato cardigan. Hm. I guess she didn't want the rest of the brigade to know anything was up. That's going to be tough when we head over to her apartment and they see all her new furnishings.

The group bought tickets and boarded a train headed to the cinema. I sat next to Koizumi, on purpose for once, across from Asahina-san, who was beside Haruhi and Nagato. Koizumi and I were on the other side of the train, and it didn't seem like they were paying much attention, so I figured I could talk.

"Yo, Koizumi, you notice anything different about... anyone lately?"

"Hm. No, can't say that I do. Did I miss something?"

He said this as that stiff smile was plastered all over his face, coupling it with a few light chuckles. Get serious you ever smiling clown.

"I think something may be different about Nagato."

I said this as I looked in her direction. She was quietly and intently reading a novel while the hums of the train shifted her from right to left. I looked at the title on the book. "L'Étranger". It was the same French one from before. Weird. I'd never seen her reading the same thing twice.

Koizumi looked too.

"Now that you mention it, she does seem different as of late. I am no expert on Nagato-san though, as you seem to be. My expertise lies with Suzumiya-san, who lately has been very stable in her everyday happenings. She is very excited about this expedition we are going on."

Now it's an expedition. For once, you sound right Koizumi, because that's how I feel whenever Haruhi forces us to do anything.

"What have you noticed about Nagato-san?"

Sigh. Nothing. Forget it. It was just a thought.

I couldn't explain what I had seen or read to him, he would just smile and go off about some type of theory about love or something. That wouldn't help at all. Maybe I could find that Kimidori girl, and ask her some things about Nagato, since they seemed to be sort of in the same faction. Naw, she would probably just tell me she knows nothing.

We arrived at the stop and exited the train in the same fashion we entered, with Haruhi and Asahina-san up front giggling and talking, Nagato walking silently in the middle, and Koizumi and I bringing up the rear, one of us smiling and the other with a look of exhaustion. Guess who is who.

I had to pay for our movie tickets for being late, as a penalty enforced by our resilient chief. The theater was dark and cool, making my ever present exhaustion creep up into my face and over my eyes, forcing my eyelids down throughout the movie.

The movie we chose to see was, of course, a teen love drama. Go figure. Haruhi watched the movie intently, making remarks every now and then when something stupid would happen or when sarcasm would readily be accepted. Asahina-san acted, well, like I would have guessed she would. She paid attention throughout the movie, getting attached to the characters and crying near the end when the young couple finally pronounced their hidden love for each other. Koizumi didn't seem to pay much attention at all, but then again his face always looks the same. He would be a horrible movie critic.

Then there was Nagato. I don't know if she moved throughout the whole movie. She just stared at the screen, seemingly non emotional, the old Nagato, the one I knew too well. The opposite of the one from yesterday. The only time I thought I saw her move was near the end of the movie when Asahina-san had started crying. She lowered her head slightly, seemingly to take her eyes off the screen. I was glad she didn't start crying like Asahina-san. I get scared with Nagato starts crying.

Well, that wasted a sufficient amount of time. I would not have objected if it were a horror movie and I got to sit next to Asahina-san, but I'll just keep that to my dreams for now. Besides, my mind was too captivated by the next activity.

The sleep over slash talent competition at Nagato's place.

We headed back to her apartment in the same fashion, on the train. This time everyone seemed a lot more tired. Koizumi's face no longer showed the smile, as his head bobbed up and down, trying to stay awake. He's lucky Haruhi is not paying attention, as her head is resting against Asahina-san's, whose head is in turn on Haruhi's shoulder. The gentle time traveler was dozing off. Sigh, I would be enjoying this sight so much more if the coming night did not have so much ambiguity to it.

Nagato was the same. Her and I seemed to be the only ones pseudo awake. She sat reading her novel. I sat looking at everyone else. About ten minutes into the ride, I looked again at Nagato to find that she was looking at me. Our eyes met for a brief second before hers returned to her novel. I wonder what she was thinking right now. Maybe something to put in her diary. If it was as hard to act emotionless as she had written, then she is doing a damn good job.

After waking everyone up, and exiting the train, we walked to Nagato's apartment. The small nap had invigorated everyone who had taken part in it, as Haruhi was excitedly jumping around, and Koizumi was back to grinning 24/7. I still remained the same, with my eyelids half closed. Oh why oh why did spend today lounging around? It makes me sleepy.

Nagato let us into her apartment complex, as we all squeezed into the elevator. I was eagerly anticipating seeing Nagato's apartment again, and to see what the other's say. We arrived on the seventh floor, as Nagato led the way to her apartment, with Haruhi and Asahina-san hot on her heels. It seemed they were both indeed grade school girls. I guess Asahina-san got that clearance or whatever, because she seemed like she was ready to have fun. Well if it's fun she wants...

Nevermind. I don't know why I'm even thinking about that at a time like this, even though it's what I wish I was thinking about.

Nagato unlocked the heavy door with the familiar three numbers on it. I had just been staring those numbers in the face last night, trying to match their rigidness. The door opened to reveal...

The same room I was familiar with, no furniture except the square table in the center. Chalk this moment up to the first time for today that I have been shocked, I bet a lot more will happen soon.

We each entered with our own enthusiasm, tossing our bags on the floor to the left, and heading to the other end of Nagato's living room.

The night proceeded on as Haruhi announced her plans, no doubt thought up a couple seconds ago.

"Okay! First will be the talent portion of the night! We'll draw toothpicks to see what order we go in!"

You carry those around with you?

"Shut up idiot. After everyone performs, your brigade chief will announce a winner and reward a prize!"

Wait a minute. Does that mean you aren't doing anything? You're just the judge?

"Of course. There has to be a non-partisan party to judge the competition!"

Oh, excuse me. I didn't know this was so serious and professional.

"Everything is serious in the SOS Brigade!"

I thought this was about having fun!

"It is! And you'll do as you're told! Now, as I was saying, after the talent portion, we will change into pajamas and tell ghost stories while eating popcorn. Yuki, you have a flashlight and some popcorn, right?"

Nagato nodded. Of course she does. If she didn't, I bet Koizumi would have brought the items just to make Haruhi happy. Speaking of which, he better not be planning any stupid mystery thing or something.

"Don't worry, as this was just sprung upon us, I haven't prepared anything. Although I'm sorry to hear you thought those were stupid, I worked hard on them."

Well, the Tsuruya Mansion one was less fun, as the Island Mansion one was a surprise. Plus, I was the one who figured out the Island one, so it's my favorite.

"Yes, we all remember, kudos."

Shut up Koizumi.

So we drew lots, each toothpick having either one, two, three, or no marks on them. I drew the one with one mark, so I was second. Koizumi was first, followed by Asahina-san coming third and Nagato being last.

"Ohh, how disappointing. I guess the chivalric code is absent tonight." Haruhi said.

What do you expect, this was all random. At least I think.

Well, now I'm presented with having to watch Koizumi's stupid act. He donned a Magician's hat as he performed a magic act with cards and other small corny magic props. I hope Nagato wasn't planning on reading fortunes, because that would be very similar to Koizumi's act.

After my act, which I fail to mention on purpose, Asahina-san performed hers.

"O-oh, it's my turn? Okay, one moment! Um, Suzumiya-san?" Asahina-san looked toward Haruhi.

"Oh, right Mikuru! Mikuru and I worked on her act together, so stay right here!" Haruhi and Asahina-san smiled as they grabbed the bag Asahina-san had been carrying and entered the other room.

We waited for about 10 minutes, at least I think, because I began dozing, but what I saw next woke me for the rest of the night.

"Dun-dun-dun-Duhhhhh! Presenting..."

"Tsuruya-Chan!"

There standing in the doorway of the adjacent room was Haruhi with her arms extended toward a figure in the same meiko costume that I'd seen at the last Culture Festival.

Asahina-san was clad in the same homemade maid outfit as before. Her hair was parted off of her forehead into two long bangs lightly swaying next to her precious face. Her hair was let down now, as I sat perplexed at an auburn haired Tsuruya.

"Nyorro!" Asahina-san called out as she touched her index finder to her cheek while smiling and winking.

"Isn't this great Kyon! Mikuru had the great idea of cosplaying as Tsuruya-Chan! Isn't she just the cutest?"

"Thanks Haru-nyaa!"

Asahina-san was really into the part, not even losing her smile as Haruhi hugged her to death.

"The resemblance is uncanny." Koizumi said as he smiled with his Magician's hat on. What a douche.

"What do you think Kyon-kun? Isn't this great Nyoro?"

I was blown away by how two of my fantasy girls could be combined to create the most wonderful sight I had ever seen. She even had plastic fangs in her mouth.

"Uh... y-y-yeah..." I stuttered out as my gaze continued to be glued on Asahina-san. She proceeded to dance around and try to act like Tsuruya, which wasn't that bad. Halfway through it, Haruhi somehow became Asahina-san as they played together.

"Hey Mikuru-Chan! Want to come to my mansion to look at all the fish in my pond?"

"U-uh, no, I can't. I'm too small and scared and full of moe."

Even though Haruhi was making a mockery of Asahina-san, she didn't mind, and I didn't so much either.

After this spectacle went on for 10 more minutes, with my heart speeding up about 10 times as much, it was deemed that Asahina-san's act was done, and it was time for Nagato's.

"Ok, what do you have planned for us Yuki?" Haruhi inquisitively asked her. Nagato stood up from her kneeling position, as everyone else was now kneeling or sitting, waiting for her act. She went into the other room, the same one Asahina-san and Haruhi had gone into, and came back with a violin. Hm. I didn't know Nagato played the violin. Of course, I didn't know she played the guitar either. In fact, Nagato probably didn't even know until 5 minutes before show time.

"Ooh, are you going to play for us Yuki? I didn't know you played the violin! You're quite the cultured girl! I'm surprised you don't have nerds sprinting to be your boyfriend!" Haruhi made her usual pointless comments.

Nagato stood in front of us, holding the violin in one hand and the accompanying bow in the other. She stood for about 30 seconds, without anyone saying anything. She then lifted the violin to her shoulder, placing it between her chin and the rest of her body in playing position, and touched the bow to the strings.

"Ich liebe dich." Nagato said these words as she looked straight at me, and then began to move the bow across the strings. The sounds that I heard were some of the most beautiful sounds that had ever reached my ears. She was flawless. The violin bow came in contact with the strings, and seemingly by magic created music the likes of which my conscience had never dared to hear. The long notes couple with short jabs, played rhythmically and melodically. Perfectly. I was blown away. Just as I was beginning to be swayed by her beautiful violin, she began to sing. Nagato began to sing in a magnificent voice, one that was slightly different from her monotone, and was able to change pitch slightly. It worked marvelously, as she played and sung at the same time. I was a melted pile of steaming rubble inside. Her voice travelled around the room, filling the air with beauty, inviting us to taste the delicacy of her playing, the finest sound anyone could ever hope to pay for. We were now hearing it for free. I was amazed and dazed at the same time, being hypnotized by the slow moving Nagato. My eyes were half closed, as all I wanted to concentrate on was the notes entering my ears.

I then realized. Her lyrics, the song she was playing. It was a love song. She closed her eyes as she played and sung, slowly swaying with the rhythm. She seemed lost in her own music, as if she was serenading herself.

She played for about 5 minutes, ending the song on both a long note played from the violin, and sung from her lips.

No one moved, as Nagato bent upright into her trademark position, and lowered her violin to her side. She was looking at me. I returned her gaze, staring right back into her eyes, telling her, Nagato, that was beautiful. You are beautiful.

The group, except for me, suddenly snapped out of the trance induced by the singing violin and the serenading Nagato. Haruhi was the first to talk.

"Wow."

"..."

What could anyone say after that. Now everyone shared my sentiment of speechlessness that this Nagato had caused for the past two days. Nagato turned and walked back to the room where the violin had come from, disappearing for a couple seconds before reappearing without her instrument. She went and kneeled next to Asahina-san.

We were all still silent. I was still staring at her, as her head was focused on the floor in front of her.

"Well, I can safely say that, even though Mikuru-Chan put up a good fight, Yuki is the winner, hands down! Valiant effort Yuki! You're Brigade Chief is pleased. As for your reward for winning, you are now officially promoted to First Class Vice President of Operations of the SOS Brigade."

Nagato did not move as Haruhi said this. The meaningless title meant only something to Haruhi. What a prize.

"Now that the talent portion is done, it's time to change and get ready for ghost story time! Mikuru, you can change out of the maid costume, but you must keep your hair that way and continue to act like Tsuruya-Chan for the rest of the evening!"

"W-w-whaaa? The whole rest of the evening? B-but... o-ok."

At least you don't have to sleep in that maid outfit Asahina-san, although, I wouldn't mind...

Gah! I can't think of that right now. My mind is completely focused on the quiet alien sitting across the room. Is she an alien anymore? I had never heard anyone sing like that before, it was even better than Haruhi at the Culture Festival last year.

As we each returned to the room after having changed, Koizumi said to me:

"I think you're right. Something is definitely different about Nagato-san."

No shit Sherlock, what tipped you off?

"Calm down. I have never heard her voice change like that. Her singing and playing were amazing."

I agree with you there Koizumi.

The night of ghost stories and popcorn eating went as planned, seemingly. Koizumi had the best ghost story, as Asahina-san fell out of acting like Tsuruya-san after the first couple of minutes, cowering under her blankets. Haruhi was seemingly satisfied after a while, and pronounced that we should all get to sleep, as we've had enough fun for one day.

Yeah right. There is no way I can go to sleep now. My body is inverted; I was sleepy during the day and now I am wide awake at night. Maybe it's because of what happened to me during those intervals.

No, not to me. Around me. And not maybe, definitely. I couldn't stop thinking about this whole last two days and this new change in Nagato. She seemed very strong tonight, much more reassuring than the previous night. The previous night that was filled with tears.

We were all splayed out in Nagato's living room, since there wasn't any furniture to get in our way. I'll have to remember to ask Nagato what happened to all of her stuff. I lay next to Koizumi, who in turn was next to Haruhi, whose feet were next to Asahina-san's head. Nagato was on the other side of the room.

I laid on my pillow with my hands behind my head, staring up at the ceiling; A familiar pose when something weird happened in my life in the last year and a half. Haruhi was already asleep, as was Asahina-san, exhausted from her extensive role playing and being scared straight by the ghost stories. I looked at Koizumi, whose body was slowly heaving up and down, indicating that he too was asleep.

I turned my gaze over to where Nagato was, only to find that she was looking at me too. How many times is that today that our eyes have met randomly?

We stared at each other for a couple minutes, as my heart began to beat softer. Suddenly, she spoke:

"Was it good?"

What? Did we just have sex or something? (Thank god I didn't say this out loud).

"Did it sound good?"

Oh. My face reddened as I thought of the last image in my head before answering.

"It was unbelievably beautiful Nagato. I don't know where you learned to play or sing, but you seemed magical."

I said this as I smiled, propping myself up on my arm to look at her. She was already sitting up.

"Thank you." She simply replied. Her face turned away again to look down at her blankets, her bangs covering her eyes, as I saw her lips move.

"It was for you."


	3. Chapter 3: Reverie

Nagato said this, and then laid down, facing the opposite direction. I wanted to talk to her, but then again, I felt she put closure on the night with that movement.

Still, one thing.

"Nagato..." I whispered.

"..."

Silence.

"Where did all you're stuff go?"

"..."

She must be asleep.

I turned away, and stared at the wall. There is no way I can go to sleep, and even if I did, it would not be a good night's rest. My mind was swimming, the pool of thoughts it was in was inhabited by Nagato. She did that whole show... for me. She sung me a love song in typical Nagato fashion: secretively.

I remembered when I had come yesterday. I had heard the faint sound of the violin. I wonder if that was Nagato playing, or if she was listening to classical music. It seems like she wouldn't need to play it though, as she could just pick up the guitar and make a data query, then become a 5 star guitarist in two seconds.

My eyes began to droop after a while. Thinking about this was making me tired. I don't know when it was, but I waved in and out of sleep for seemingly all the hours of the night, tossing and turning. At one point I felt I had a dream.

I was in Nagato's apartment. In fact, everything was the same as it was now. The SOS Brigade was sleeping next to me. I opened my eyes to see that there were snowflakes whirring around the room, propelled by some unknown wind source. I was not cold though, and the snowflakes did not land, but just kept airborne, fluttering in random directions. I looked closer, and could see... musical notes intermixed with the snowflakes. My ears suddenly realized they had a job to do, and immediately picked up the sounds that were flowing around the room as effortlessly as the pure white flakes were. I turned my head on my pillow to see Nagato. She was playing the violin. She was the source of the music notes gently fluttering around the air. She sat cross-legged with her eyes closed. It was then that I realized that Nagato was also the source of the snowflakes, as they came from her eyes. She was crying, but without making a sound, seemingly drowning her whimpers in her music, allowing the violin to take away the pain. I looked at her for a while, as the gentle flakes and notes became more apparent in the room. They were filling it up, until everything would just be a black and white contour. I started to be blind to everything except for Nagato., there was too much snow now. Everyone else and everything else was fading away, being blurred out by the snow, seemingly becoming less a part of reality. At least, of this reality. The snowflakes and music notes were taking us away from them. They were taking Nagato away from everyone else. It's just that I was going with her. My sight became black and white, as every discernible feature of the room vanished, and only Nagato in her pajamas remained, playing sweetly on her violin. She stopped playing suddenly, after the white had washed out everything but us. I lay with my head on my pillow, still not daring to move, but still gazing at her. I heard a terrifying crash as I saw Nagato's hands fall to her sides, as if suddenly becoming limp, the violin shattering like glass on the hard wood floor, making a harrowing un-orchestral sound as the many pieces disappeared. Her face pointed down, as more and more of everything became white, until I could only focus on Nagato's face. She turned to me and opened her eyes. I saw a brilliant flash of lavender. The only color I could see was the hue of her eyes. Her eyes that were wavering with the rest of the scenery, filled with tears. Filled with snowflakes. Her pale lips moved. Kyon-kun, she said as she looked at me, her eyes starting to half close as her head started to tilt down again. I kept trying to yell out Nagato! But no sound would escape my lips, as my head was focused on her. The white began to overlap her face. The last thing I saw before it completely engulfed her were her lips, slightly parting.

"Kyon-kun."

Just then my eyes shot open. I was in Nagato's dark apartment. There was no white, there was no black. Everything had color. Everything was normal. I was twisted in an embarrassing way with my blanket and pillow as if I were thrashing. I picked my head up off of the pillow to find Nagato kneeling next to me. I looked at her as she turned her face away. Am I still dreaming here, am I awake? What's going on?

"You were dreaming. You are now awake." Nagato said, without looking at me. Her face was stuck in the direction of the other sleeping members.

"Oh. Was I making noise or something?"

"Yes." She answered without moving.

"I'm sorry. Did I wake you up, is anyone else awake?"

"No one else is awake."

Wow. I laid my head back down on my pillow, and looked up at the ceiling. There was a slight blue tint on the smooth surface as the lights from the city came in from the window. It must be early in the morning. I looked again at Nagato to find that she herself was looking at me again. This time though, she did not avert her gaze.

Is something wrong?

"You said Nagato."

What?

"You were saying Nagato."

I was? Hm. I can't really remember why I would say your name. I was dreaming.

She looked down a little bit away from my face, and whispered "oh." She began to get up to go back to her side of the room.

"Nagato, wait." I said. I noticed a little more anxiety in my voice than I had wanted to hear. She stopped but did not turn around.

"What time is it?"

"3:42 A.M."

"Jesus."

"..."

"Nagato, since when do you play the violin?"

She waited a couple seconds before answering.

"Yesterday."

Oh, so it was like the guitar thing where you just picked it up and played it, right?

"No."

What? You practiced?

"Yes."

How much?

"18 hours." Nagato still was not facing my direction.

18 hours? Wait a minute. That would mean you were playing pretty much non stop from the time I left your apartment until we came the next day. You practiced that much?

"Yes."

Why?

"I already said that."

...Eh?

"It was for you."

My brain stopped and remembered this. I must still be groggy from not sleeping. But the image came back. Nagato's small voice saying this, as she turned away from me and laid down. I suddenly felt the urge to say something. I had no idea what. I needed to not be held speechless by this ubiquitous comment twice.

"Nagato..."

"..."

"I read your diary."

Wait a minute. What did I just say? I did not just confess to that. Oh my God, I… did… just confess to that. I hurriedly tried to backtrack.

"U-uh, w-wait, I mean... uh, I read only a couple of pages. I barely paid any attention! I basically didn't read it!"

Nagato flinched a little. I could not see her face, as her profile was shrouded by the city lights outside. Her head tilted down a little bit, her shoulders following suit. She suddenly got up, and without facing me, headed to the door. She said nothing as she opened it, and left her own apartment.

I laid there, dead still, by now propped up again so I could put more effort in to trying to explain myself. I looked at the door for some time. Where did she just go? No, what just happened?

I got up out of my blankets. It seems none of the other members were awakened by our conversation, or by Nagato closing the door.

"Not quite."

Koizumi's voice filled the air as I saw his body turn around. What? You've been awake you eavesdropper?

"I'm a horribly light sleeper, forgive me. My troubles with my job have trained me that way."

How long have you been awake?

"So you read Nagato-san's diary? I did not realize she kept one. Why would an alien need a diary?"

Look clown, answer the question.

Ah never mind, you just answered it anyway.

I dropped myself down on my pillow next to Koizumi, feeling completely powerless. Where was this exhaustion previously?

"Kyon. You know... everyone has bad dreams."

What? Don't get psychological on me here buddy, I got a real life problem to deal with.

"Look at Suzumiya-san. She is dreaming right now."

I tossed my gaze over to her to find a gentle sleeping girl, heaving delicately up and down. This is almost one of the cutest ways to look at Haruhi, as her mouth is not spouting out some nonsense, and she seemed completely vulnerable, her tough facade shaken down by the everyday dreariness of sleeping.

"She looks normal."

"That's right. I didn't say she was having a nightmare. In fact, through my, as you would call it, esper abilities, I can sense she is having a pleasant dream right now. Asahina-san is also dreaming."

He sat up as his palm extended to the two girls. I wonder what their dreams would be like. I bet Asahina-san's would be filled with cute bunnies and neko-men. Actually, I would hope they were filled with me.

"You though, were having a nightmare, weren't you?"

I hate it when he's right. And it's not often that he's wrong.

"Koizumi, Nagato said I was saying her name, did you hear me saying anything?"

"No, can't say that I did, and I was awake before Nagato-san went over to you. I can't believe that song was for you, she really is different."

Why is that so unbelievable? Someone can't play a love song for me?

"Not at all. It's because it's Nagato-san."

I stayed silent. He's right. Again. But how do I feel now?

"Kyon-kun, did you see the book Nagato-san has been reading?"

Yeah, it was the same as before, that's strange, isn't it?

"Yes, but that's not what I mean. The book itself, it is a novel, and not a thick one at that. Did you happen to see the name of it?"

Uh... something French...

"L'Étranger. It means "The Stranger" in French. I don't suppose you would be familiar with that book?"

No, and I do suppose you are, and are going to tell me about it.

"Right. It is an existential novel by Albert Camus. In it, the main character is disconnected from the rest of society through apathy to live life for what it is. He just goes through the motions of living, feeling no mental stimulation caused by life at all, but only seeking out physical and immediate pleasure. Do you see how this correlates?"

Yes... No. Um, how?

"Kyon, what did Nagato-san's diary say?"

I have a feeling you sort of already know what it said.

"Refresh my memory then."

Sigh.

She wrote that she was changing from a Humanoid Interface into a normal human being, because of...

I paused.

"An emotion" Koizumi said, revealing a smile that a teacher has when helping a small child find the answers to the simplest problems. It was one hell of a condescending smile.

"Do you already know Koizumi?"

"Kyon, you don't know what 'Ich liebe dich' means, do you?"

Of course not, idiot.

"It's German. It means 'I love you'."

I was taken aback a bit, as my mind retraced back to when Nagato had first said the words of her song. She was looking straight at me as she said them, her face completely serious. Then she started playing those beautiful notes, for a moment being lost in the whirlwind of the violin. For a moment, she was being lost in a world she desired, one where she could tell me her thoughts, even indirectly, even in a different language, and show them to me through song. Her voice was so passionate as she sang. No one has ever done anything like that for me before. Maybe that's why I have no idea how to act. Maybe I have no idea because it's Nagato.

I got up suddenly, as Koizumi's smiling face backed away in surprised. I went into the other room and got dressed, and came back out. Koizumi looked at me inquisitively.

"Where are you going?"

Didn't you see her leave?

"You're going after Nagato-san? Are you sure that's a good idea? If Suzumiya-san wakes up..."

Just think of something if that happens. You're in the brainiac class 2-9 for God's sakes.

I opened the door hastily, making sure to softly close it. Outside, the hall was cool and dark, a single light at the end compensating for lighting the whole hallway. The rest of the lights had long ago burnt out. I looked at the clock on my phone. 4:56 A.M. It's dangerous for Nagato to be out. Well, not old Nagato, but if she has no powers anymore, than a small girl in her pajamas is really appetizing for some drunk pervert.

I ran to the elevator, and smashed my palm on the down arrow button. The wait seemed like forever. It was like waiting for Nagato to respond to an important question you asked her. The seconds dragged on, and the silence seemed to weigh down on you.

The doors opened as in one motion I jumped in and pressed the close doors button, letting the soft funk elevator music reach my ears. Nothing will match the sounds I had heard the night before.

After exiting her building, I ran out into the street. There was no sign of life anywhere. It was dark, as I heard a car start in the distance. Someone starting their day.

I ran in an arbitrary direction, as if I were running in a dream. I don't remember what I was thinking. I didn't want things to get hazy again, but they began to as my brain labored under its duties.

I must have run for a good 10 minutes before having to stop. I collapsed onto my knees in the middle of the sidewalk, heaving up and down. I imagined all the trouble Nagato could be in right now. I did not want her to be in danger because of me. I had caused her enough grief.

My panting became heavier as I realized it was beginning to be harder and harder to breathe with every passing second. I heard a faint noise, like a small squawking bird. I suddenly recognized that the noise was coming from me. My gasps for air were intermittent with sobs. Now I was crying, and I had no idea why. I sounded so un-masculine, but I didn't care. I had no idea what was going on, everything was my fault, and I felt helpless.

Try to get a hold of yourself. My heaving slowed a bit, as tears reached the sidewalk, inches away from my face. I was doubled over in a horrific position, a portion of light shining in my eyes. The sun was starting to come up. I looked away, only to find something else in the opposite direction.

It was the park I had first met Nagato at to hear about her true identity. It was the same bench. And it was the same girl sitting on it. Her lips were apart as her eyes traced my body, being caught mid gasp it seemed like.

"Nagato..."

The orange light was again washing over the scenery, as the sun helped my eyes retrieve the sight of the poor girl, sitting in her pajamas. I could not refer to her as an alien anymore. Her eyes were a little red around the edges. She has been crying as well, and it seemed like she had just stopped.

I stood up, and tripped over to her, she put her hands on my shoulder and down my arm to steady me. I looked again toward her pale visage. She finally saw my own face close up, and saw the streaks of slight discoloration down my cheeks. Her eyes abruptly closed in a grimace.

"I-i-i... w-won't... c-c-cry."

Nagato stuttered these words out, seemingly using all of her strength, as faint high pitched gasps were let out with it.

"Nagato... please."

"You... you s-said you did not want... want me t-to cry."

Nagato never faltered on her words. But I had never seen her in this state. This was not a time to be comparing Nagatos though.

"Nagato, it's fine. I'm sorry."

I said this as I lowered my face to the ground, trying to hide the newly sprung tears seeping from my own eyes from her.

We both sat in that position, her on the bench, me kneeling in a heap with my head down, her hands on my shoulder and arm, steadying me, and seemingly herself at the same time.

After a minute, I could not stand the silence anymore, and looked up to see her. Her expression was heartbreaking. Her eyes were pools of moisture. Her lips were still open, small sobs escaping from them.

I was so completely filled with grief that I could not control myself anymore. Maybe this was the way Nagato had felt. The words just poured out of my mouth, and my brain had no inkling of trying to think anymore.

"I'm so sorry. This is my fault. I just... I... I don't know what to do Nagato... I'm sorry."

She stopped sobbing, and put her hand over my face, brushing away my tears. She said softly:

"No. I am sorry...

…

Kyon-kun..."

I put my head into her lap.

"Yuki-rin"

I said as I began to sob softly. Whiteness began filling the space. Music began reaching my ears. A violin. No. Yes. Wait. Snowflakes? Music notes? What is happening?

I could feel Nagato's lips touch the side of my face, as she bent down, and kissed my cheek delicately.

The world then hastily fell into white flakes, as if butterflies had burst from nowhere and where filling up the whole world. My whole world.

"Yuki-rin!" I called out. Nothing. The music got louder. It was bashing into my head. The black half, eighth and sixteenth notes would not go around me anymore. They were making it a point to go right toward me. The flakes were like ice on my face as I finally felt the cold chill. Nagato was gone now, there was only white. There was only white, with two lavender specs in the distance. The music began to pound harder and harder, it is too loud. I can't stand it. Images of Nagato's violin playing flashed through me head, her petite lips moving witht eh sound of the instrument, the waves of relaxation taking me, carrying me to another time, another place I could actually feel my own thoughts in. Her face was at complete peace, every muscle relaxed. The music twirled around her, comforting her, and at the same time comforting me. She got to the end of her song, as the music suddenly exploded onto my head and I fell to the floor. The floor of nothing covered with snowflakes.

Snowflakes.

What's that? Pitter Patter. Is that noise? My eyes cautiously crept open. A wall, connected to a floor. It was Nagato's apartment. I was in my pajamas. I jolted up, and looked out the window. A grey, depressed world met my eyes as rain hit the window. The sun was hidden behind the numerous clouds that had formed.

I looked at my phone. 7:08 AM. Man. I saw the other members of the SOS Brigade sleeping, including Nagato. There she was. Silently asleep. Koizumi was still turned away from me, heaving up and down.

My blankets were strewn about beside me; my pillow was across the room. My head had been sleeping on the hard wooden floor. I suddenly realized I felt my skull aching, pulses of pain hitting me in synch with my heartbeat.

I sat there for about 5 minutes, with my arms across my bent knees, sitting up, staring at the wall with my pillow at its feet.

I definitely remember that. That was all so vivid. Was that all a dream? This has been one of the worst nights of my life, easily beating out the first night a dream had bothered me, a year and a half ago.

I looked toward Nagato again, her chest faintly moving up and down with her breathing.

"Yuki-rin." I said softly.

Her face did not stir, as she continued to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4: Sanctuary

The rain was strangely melodic. I didn't feel like sleeping at all now. I mean, I was exhausted, but too scared to close my eyes again. I might have another weird... vision. Maybe I'll spend the next couple hours reading some of the French novel that Koizumi and I had noticed Nagato reading. I made my way over to her bag, and stuck my hand in. I felt around to make sure I wasn't fondling any small black books with "diary" written on the front, and lightly lifted the thin novel out of the bag. It must be the shortest book I'd ever seen Nagato reading. That must mean her superior intellect is dissolving too, and she can't read thick hard covers in a day anymore. The computer club will be very sorry to hear that. I carried the small book over to where my pillow was laying against the wall, and, taking care as I sat down, rested my sore body on the feather filled sack. I propped my back up against the wall and opened up the novel to the first page:

"Maman died today. Or yesterday maybe, I don't know."

The grey world outside washed over me as it peeked through the window over the city, the raindrops hitting the window pane as if it were a metronome, pacing my reading. It was indeed a strange novel. I'm pretty certain I don't understand it. I read for about half an hour before I couldn't pretend to know what I was reading anymore, and placed the book back on the table. I searched inside Nagato's bag for another book to read. My hands reached inside, only to be caught on the bag as they tried to make their exit. They were reprimanded by a hook on the outside, getting snagged, as the bag was pulled off the table and dropped to the floor. An assortment of school objects burst from the bag, finally getting to see the light of day together. I stared at the assortment of academic confetti on the ground. There were books and pencils and papers and whatnot. Even that familiar slender black book with the ribbon to match. The paper was all ordinary, except for one small piece that caught my eye. On it was a doodle: a cartoonish version of Nagato's head, with a thought bubble, the name "Kyon" floating in it. In the drawing's small, chibi like hands was a heart shaped box, with a large oversized tag coming off of it, bearing the words " For Yuki-rin ". Other small hearts floated above the cute Nagato drawing's head, as her eyes peered happily down at the present.

"a-ahhh?"

Just then I heard a cute squeak as I spun around quickly, hiding the contents of Nagato's bag. Asahina-san's sleep stricken eyes met me, as the back of her palms came up to rub the dust out of them.

"K-Kyon-kun? You're awake?"

Uh, yeah. I was just looking for something to read while I waited for you guys to get up.

I proceeded to hastily, and from what I imagine, incriminatingly, shove the books and papers, including the scrap paper with the drawing on it, back into Nagato's bag. I was frantically moving around. I hoped Asahina-san did not notice this. Please God, let her be too sleepy to notice anything.

Asahina-san looked around, getting her bearings. She then yawned the cutest little yawn I've ever seen, as she arched her back and widened her face, her eyes closed. Her unkempt hair reached down to her lower back. I noticed her chest putting a lot of pressure on her buttoned up pajama shirt as her back bent forward. If I weren't so respectful, I would wish those buttons would pop out. All of them.

I wouldn't be so confused if this goddess of a woman was madly in love with me instead of Nagato. Actually, I would be somewhat confused at the sudden change of attitude toward our relationship. But whatever advances Asahina-san made, I would certainly go with them. She would do cute little things like acting shy and blushing a lot. Ahh. Just thinking about it makes me wish my dreams were reality sometimes. Although what Nagato has done, playing that song for me. That was really from the heart. It seemed a very serious, romantic signal to send. I wonder which I would prefer?

Asahina-san finished her long yawn and looked at me with half closed eyes. She noticed the book in my hand, the one I hadn't managed to conceal yet as I was frozen by the site of the yawning upperclassman.

"What are you reading?"

I looked down as the horror in my eyes suddenly became apparent. The book I was caressing in my fingers had a sleek black trim with a ribbon floating over my thumb. It was nothing other than Nagato's diary. In my haste to conceal all the various supplies I had spilled I must have picked it up in the middle only to stop to admire the spectacle that unfolded before me in the pink pajama shirt, only to forget I was indeed still holding it, intending to shove it away as well. You've got to be kidding me, why did it have to be this one? Quickly, I covered my tracks.

"U-u-uh, n-nothing. I mean, nothing in particular, you know... just... this and that, and... uh... some of... y'know, whatever."

There's no way Asahina-san knows about Nagato's diary, and she can't see the writing on the cover from here. Plus, she's not too observant to begin with, so this shouldn't be too hard to believe, right?

I jammed the diary back into Nagato's bag and walked away from my moral crime scene. Hey, I had done nothing wrong! I didn't even read it this time! Why do I feel like I did then?

"O-oh..."

Asahina-san weakly let out a response just to let me know she was listening. She didn't care, it seemed she was still waking up. Man. If I could wake up to this sight every morning I would be one happy man.

She stared around the room some more, still trying to acclimate to the morning, as a harsher voice from her right startled her.

"Oh, it's raining? yuck..."

Haruhi was up now as well. She woke up facing the direction of the window, so the first thing she saw was the drab world outside. The boring, dingy, uninteresting world she so often tries to escape. She sat up almost in the same position as Asahina-san, who was next to her. Haruhi's hair was a little disheveled, but not bad looking. The left side of her gold hairband's knot was now straggly and untied.

She glanced at me and let out a small snicker...

"Looks like you've been up all night Kyon..."

What? Why? I touched my hand to my head and realized I had a serious case of bed-head going. The gentle touch of my fingertips also reminded myself that my head was still faintly throbbing.

"Yeah, I guess maybe I was..."

"Hey Mikuru, did you sleep well?"

"A-ah? U-Umm, yes. I did…"

Haruhi ignored Asahina-san's reply as she went through the same routine of wiping her eyes, yawning and stretching. I could hear her back pop and few times as she twisted herself around on her bottom.

"Ahh. I feel refreshed, that was a fun night last night. Let's go get some breakfast, and then get home to finish our school work."

I agreed with her for once, as I walked over to Koizumi. C'mon, you said you were a light sleeper. Or, at least, I think you did. I don't think I was imagining then.

I kicked him lightly in the back. He rolled over.

"ahhhhhhhhggg..." He let out a groan. It looks like he didn't have that great of a night either, but the handsome smiling esper did not have the mess atop his head that I did.

Meanwhile Haruhi was shaking Nagato to get up, as Asahina-san made her way into the other room to change. Asahina-san reappeared five minutes later, wearing her casual clothes, not the Tsuruya costume, I might note.

We all went and changed and then headed out of Nagato's apartment. I dragged my feet lamely as my head hung lower than usual. The rain was pelting the scruff of my neck. Nagato had only one umbrella, and it was being held by Haruhi with the other two female members of the SOS Brigade flanking her, taking comfort in the shelter the umbrella provided. This reminded me of that day Haruhi and I walked home together under the umbrella she stole from the staff room. That girl sometimes...

Koizumi walked slowly beside me, being nice enough to keep my pace. He walked with his head up, his face more tired than normal. I noticed he had bags forming under his eyes, and I thought I could faintly decipher the beginning of some crow's feet at the sides of those same eyes. It seems he hasn't slept well in a while. Even so, he's always smiling, and this morning was no exception, as the trademark smile was being worn.

A little early to be smiling like that, isn't it?

"I guess. I sure am tired."

You said it.

"You didn't sleep well either?"

Nope. Nice observation Galileo.

We came to the oh so familiar coffee shop by the train station. It was decided by our fearless leader that I was to pay since I got last in the talent competition. What? I even got beat out by Koizumi's lame act?

Sigh. Alright. My wallet is about empty anyway, so what does it matter.

Haruhi talked through our breakfast about who knows what. I took the time to rest my eyes on the other members of our party, trying to block out the whining sound of the Brigade chief. Asahina-san adorably sipped from her cup. When the waitress came to refill us, she her some questions about tea leaves. I guess you really are serious about being a maid Asahina-san. I must admit, I do envy your enthusiasm for performing well at a position you were forced into.

Koizumi had some coffee, as did I, trying to wake ourselves up to the rain soaked world. Nagato sat on the end, staring into her glass of milk tea, sipping it with both hands, as if to take extra care not to drop it. What are these weird dream-like things I'm having about Nagato? And what was that drawing? I wonder if she doodled that absent-mindedly in class. Maybe she thinks about t me in class all day, eagerly anticipating the moment I walk through the club room door and wave to her. If Nagato really is being affected by love, the emotion is hitting her hard.

We finished as I paid the bill, the familiar waitress even casually remarking "Oh, you're going to take it again? What a gentleman."

Yes, even though I was being forced to do it every time.

The group walked outside as Haruhi told us we were dismissed, much quicker than usual. She took extra care to remind me not to skimp on my school work that was due tomorrow. She reminded me we had a Western Civilization quiz to study for. I had blissfully forgotten about that. Bah. My mind has too much to think about as it is.

I noticed my ride home on my bike was more peaceful than normal. I was able to get some thinking done. The rhythm of the rain hitting the ground, teamed up with my bike tires splashing through the small puddles, created a sensation of relaxation that I could not shake. It's as if I were listening to some of that music that has an intent to put you to sleep. Why am I always tired? Maybe because I live my life constantly being forced to act in accordance with Haruhi's whims.

Ah, what am I saying. Even though I complain all the time, it's readily apparent that I would be very sad to not be travelling to the Literature Club room every day after school. It was pretty scary last December when Haruhi disappeared, and the SOS Brigade was gone. It seems to have forced itself into my life, fusing together with my other everyday shenanigans until it reaches the point that a lot of this abnormal stuff is exactly what I consider to be the norm. Besides, I would never have met all of these interesting people without meeting Haruhi first. And even Haruhi herself, that crazy eccentric girl. She pumps fun into every one of our lives with mystery and surprise. Maybe she really is saving the world by overloading it with fun. Maybe she's saving our dreary lives by overloading them with fun.

No. Actually, a lot of the stuff she does is too ridiculous. Let's just say I am glad I have Nagato and Koizumi, and even Asahina-san to depend on. I might not be able to depend on Nagato for much longer if what she says is happening to her is true. But even if she is an alien with no powers, I still want her to be there, always observing us. I still want her in her usual spot in the club room, reading her usual thick-as-textbooks hardcovers in some foreign language. I still want her to not pay attention to anything extravagant that happens unless it matters to her. I don't want the Nagato I know, the one I've come to know in the last year and a half, to fade away. I want to be able to talk to her, even if she has nothing to do with some Integrated Thought Entity. I want to converse with her about everyday things. I want to be able to pick up on her subtle emotions. I want to be the only one to understand her. All of this that is happening, even though it confuses the hell out of me, there is one good thing. I've gotten to know Nagato better, and spend time seeing the real side of her. The side that played that violin song for me. The one I won't ever forget as long as I'm breathing, and maybe even after that.

My mind continued to wander, not concerned with what was happening around my physical being, the tire treads beneath me gently snaking through the pouring rain.

I parked my bike on the side of my house as I slowly walked through the front door.

"Kyon-kun! Hey! Me and Shami missed you!"

My sister greeted me warmly, and I greeted her back. I was in no mood to play around though, especially since my body was less than willing to even stand, so I started to head up to my room.

My mom called out a greeting to me as well. I said good morning, and continued walking. She informed me that she had called Kunikida's home, and that he said we were having a good time at his house. Good ol' Kunikida. I'll have to remember that I owe him one. Good thing I didn't include Taniguchi in the lie, he would have messed it up somehow, that idiot.

Ahhh. My room. My own sanctuary, at least for now. Everyone has their own sanctuaries, a little space in this world where they feel completely at ease, where nothing can be thought of to be wrong.

I collapsed on my bed like I had been shot by a 43rd floor sniper. My mind played over the clip of Haruhi reminding me to study, but I just couldn't bring myself to concentrate on it, so it would be pointless. Not to mention I had Algebra homework as well. When the homework is piled up high, the harder it becomes to climb to the top and start your descent through it. Instead, I spent the afternoon watching TV and flipping through manga again, trying to ease my overworked mind. I also took some pain killers to relieve my aching body and worn out head.

After bathing, I returned to my room and put my pajamas on. It was about 7 o'clock. I decided to just pass out there on the spot, again flopping onto my soft mattress. I might as well save up on sleep, I didn't get enough last night, that's for sure. This night should be better.

But, of course, it wasn't.

"Kyon-kun."

"..."

"Kyon."

"..."

"Wake up."

My eyes slowly opened as I felt the gentle nudging of a hand against my bicep.

"Ah, good."

I looked to my left to find Koizumi Itsuki smiling back at me. He was in his pajamas, but his face was the same one I was always used to seeing. Although right now, I was more than irritated at seeing it.

"Ah jeez. What are you doing? I was sleeping."

"You are sleeping."

"What?"

"Kyon, you're in a dream state right now."

"What?"

"I said you're in a dream state."

"I'm... I'm dreaming?"

"No. You are in a separate dream state."

"What the hell are you saying?"

I was getting slightly annoyed. Don't talk in circles. I've had enough of that. If you're going to wake me up, tell me the reason and let me go back to dreaming about Asahina-san in that Tsuruya costume.

Koizumi lightly pinched my arm.

Ouch! What was that for?!

"To show you that you aren't dreaming, and also to wake you up. Now listen carefully..."

Koizumi pulled my desk chair over to the side of my bed as I once again propped myself up on my arm to turn toward him.

"This is a dream state created as an alternate reality. Don't be alarmed. Even though it bears a resemblance to a sealed reality, it is not similar. This state does not have to do with Suzumiya Haruhi at all. This is a world that is reconstructed to look exactly like the world we live in now. Everyone here will act the same way as they would as if this were reality and you were living you're life. The only difference is that this is not reality."

"It's a dream then?"

"I guess you can say that, only we are fully awake in here, our minds processing at full speeds, and our bodies entirely responsive to our wishes."

"...so?"

"So what happens in this space will not have an impact on the reality outside it. It is just like you are free to do what your mind wished in here. Let your Id run amok, as in dreams, there is no Super-ego to keep it under control."

"Why... are we here?"

"You and I are here for a special reason. We are still semi-connected with our reality selves, the selves that are sleeping right now. We will keep this memory and perceive it as real even though it's like a dream. We will remember what happens in here, what is said, who says it, and why they say it, whereas the others who do not have this ability are just carbon copies that inhabit the dream state. They are not connected to their reality selves at all. For example, if I were to go toss a bucket of water on your sleeping sister, she would not remember that event happening when she wakes up the next morning, as it wouldn't have happened to her, only the "her" in this dream state. But you and I would both remember it the next morning."

Don't talk about doing that kind of thing to my sister.

"Haha, I apologize. It was just an example."

Koizumi, who did this? Why are we here?"

"Nagato-san creates these states. As for why, that's something you have to ask her. It seems like you and I, as well as Nagato-san, are the only ones connected with our outside realities."

"…"

So this is all Nagato's doing. I felt I have experienced this before. I wonder why she is doing this. I thought she was a normal average girl now?

"She is starting to turn into one, but the transformation is not complete yet. Creating this dream state is one of the last things Nagato can do with her powers."

"Wait, how do you know that stuff about Nagato losing her powers?"

"We talked about it last night, you don't remember? It was a separate dream state, where you told Nagato-san that you read her diary. She still remembers all those events, as I'm sure you do too."

"But you didn't hear me saying Nagato's name before that."

"I assume that was a separate dream state as well, one where I was not connected with my "reality self". You must have been saying Nagato-san's name in the dream space, and she heard it, going to your side as you woke up in the new dream space."

Man. Nagato's way of working is confusing. Dreaming within a dream?

"Why are you here at all Koizumi?"

"It's not obvious? I'm the messenger. I'm here to tell you all this stuff. To let you know what this is. Especially to let you know that this is not reality, and therefore the restrictions you may be feeling in reality will not be present here, as only a few people will remember what happens."

That doesn't mean you're going to come on to me, does it?

"What?"

"Nothing."

"In any case, I'm going to head back soon, I want to get some sleep before tomorrow. Just remember, if you ever wake up from being asleep, make sure to know whether it's a dream state or reality."

"How do I tell?"

Koizumi pointed out the window in my room. I followed his slim finger to see what was outside.

Small white flakes were floating to the ground, plastered against the black backdrop of the night sky. I looked back to where Koizumi had been sitting, but he was gone, only my desolate desk chair remained in the same position.

Stumbling out of bed, I made my way over to the window. I lifted the bottom sill to let the breeze of fresh air reach my skin. The snow entered my room as if each individual flake was an invited guest. My ears began to pick up the familiar sound. A violin was playing in the distance. The snowflakes entered my room, more and more coming with each passing second, until I was swallowed up by the white. This time, I just let it happen.

Nagato. I now know.


	5. Chapter 5: Sand and Snow

Sand and Snow

My sight gradually went from total darkness to half darkness, as my eyes slid open, preferring to stop midway. I turned over in my bed. Wow, this is going to be a rough day.

At least I had Koizumi to explain what was happening to me. It seems Nagato was creating these alternate realities that were depicted like dreams for us. We could do whatever we wanted in them. But only a select few would remember what would happen. I guess me and Nagato. And Koizumi, for a couple. I think I understand why she is doing this now. These "dream states", as that smiling esper called them, are places that Nagato feels more comfortable. Maybe it's her way of compensating for her changing emotions. She cannot let anyone in reality see her changing, and so far, only I have seen her emotions, or vaguely know what's going on. She creates these alternate realities so she can let her inner emotions out, through playing the violin and... crying. The state seems to be connected with Nagato internally. I really hope that Nagato is ok. I'll even settle. You don't have to give me back the all-powerful alien Nagato who knew everything and wouldn't let anyone hurt me or Haruhi. Just let Nagato be happy. I feel I'm the only one who can do this now.

Gradually, I sat up in my bed with my head in my hands. Why hasn't my sister barged in yet? I looked across the room at my clock radio. 5:04 AM.

Wait. What the hell?

Why in the world did I wake up this early? No wonder my stupid sister hasn't come bounding into my room to disturb my serene sleep like normal, because my sister probably isn't up yet either. I quickly glanced out the window. My eyes were met with a drab yet reassuring scene. No snow. Rain droplets pelted the window pane like firecrackers aimed precisely at my bedroom. The grey morning had not yet seen the dawn of the sun. It would soon though.

My head raised on its own. Well. I can't sleep now. Nothing to do but lay here until it's time to get ready for school. I slept horribly because of the dream state with Koizumi, and I woke up early for no apparent reason. Off to a great start, if I don't say so myself. This day can only improve, am I right?

I am wrong.

Not only did my morning following waking up go terribly, but my bike tires had miraculously been punctured in the night, prolonging my frustration as I had no choice but to use my little sister's bike. Yes, the pink and white bike with tassels of the same color hanging from the handlebars. Don't laugh; I'm being forced to do this, just like everything else in my life.

I peddled to the bottom of the steep hill up to North High, being followed by giggles from random passerby's. I really would rather have been late to school than having to endure all this humiliation, but my laziness outweighs my embarrassment, as I'm not going to walk the whole way to school. I would be dead halfway up that damn hill, and roll all the way back down.

I walked up the steep slope slowly, really hoping deep down within my soul that I don't have to talk to some smiling goof like Taniguchi running up the hill. I was in no mood now. My legs ached. My head ached. And just as I was realizing what else on my body ached, I remembered that I didn't study for that Western Civilization quiz, or do my algebra. Jesus. Well, it just gets worse and worse, even though I could have prevented this from happening yesterday, by actually getting a work ethic.

I finally reached the top of the hill, my prize being an unpleasant day of boring lessons and tests I'm sure to fail. Maybe Kunikida would help me out. Nah, there's no time. I'll just fail it in good faith. I sure hope Haruhi does not take a look at my test scores for awhile, or else I'll really be in the doghouse.

The meat of the day went as planned. Or rather, as expected.

Which was bad.

I had no clue throughout the day on anything we were doing, and 10 minutes into our quiz Haruhi's sighs from behind me could noticeably be heard. She was asleep soundly on her desk.

So as lunch time rolled around, I was dismayed, but not surprised, to find that I forgot to pack my bento.

"auuuuuuuugggghh..."

A silent groan left my lips, as by this time, it was ridiculous to be getting angry.

Well, I could just go to the cafeteria. I'm afraid I'd find Haruhi there cutting in front of everyone in the line, spouting some nonsense about Brigade hierarchy or something. She could just give anyone who defied her a swift kick to the face anyway, and the rest of the line would instinctively start to form behind her. I decided I did not want to see that. Plus, I don't have any money thanks to the SOS Brigade's party day.

After swiping some of Taniguchi's shrimp, I exited the classroom, walking mechanically to the Old Block, and the Literature Club room, home of all things SOS. The rain outside was soft on my ears. My frustration from the day started to turn into hopeless depression. Nagato should be in the club room. I need to talk to her.

But to my amazement, Nagato was not politely sitting in a chair and reading in the clubroom. She was nowhere to be found. My head swiveled around to explore the hallway, just to make sure she wasn't just arriving or hiding or something. Nope. I walked slowly into the room and closed the door shut.

I spent the rest of lunch break amusing myself on the stolen Brigade Commander computer. Mostly on the internet, I only opened the MIKURU folder once... or twice. I swear!

The rest of the day seemed to agree with my melancholic state. Nothing real big happened, and Haruhi did not do anything really off the wall or weird. She pretty much behaved herself. As the chime for the end of school rang, an ease was lifted off my shoulders. School was done for today. Now all I had to do was sit in that room and play with Koizumi while staring at Asahina-san. Or maybe today, I would stare at Nagato a little more; she should at least be there after school. I would ask to talk to her afterward.

Haruhi and I walked to the club room together, her only walking a little faster than my eclectic pace.

"Why were you so quiet today?"

"Hm? Oh, nothing. Just one of those days, y'know?"

I was in no mood to talk about how my day went, because that would require remembering the tragic assortment of events that it was.

"Yeah. I myself am feeling a little tired. Maybe we had too much fun at that sleep over, you think?"

I had anything but fun, sans Asahina-san's act. All the sleepover did was put more thoughts into my head.

Nagato playing that violin.

That dream state.

The sun soaked bench...

...

"Yo! Kyon! Wake up, you can't be that tired! You almost just walked into that wall."

Haruhi redirected me as my eyes shifted from the floor up to my line of sight. Sigh. Just too much to think about.

We reached the clubroom. Haruhi threw the door open, but didn't exclaim anything like usual. She just walked in. Who does this girl think she is? What if Asahina-san had been changing?

Unfortunately for my worn out psyche, she wasn't. She was already in her maid outfit getting the tea ready. I had learned to walk slowly to the clubroom to give her time to change. Besides, I would just be waiting outside anyway.

"Hello there."

Koizumi's grinning face welcomed me as he came walking down the hallway. We both entered the clubroom at the same time, and he headed for the corner to grad a board game. My eyes searched the room for what I really wanted to see. Or rather, who I really wanted to see. But again, she was nowhere in sight. Nagato is still not here?

"She called ahead saying she had things to do today."

Haruhi instantly gave the excuse for Nagato as she clicked on the mouse. I sat in my usual chair in exhaustion. Nothing seemed to go right today. Not even Nagato, who was always here, and could always be depended on, was here. Asahina-san's god-like tea didn't even raise my spirits half as much as they should have, and I even came deathly close to losing a game of checkers to Koizumi. His face showed surprise when I left my right side open for a triple jump, the first one he has probably ever done in his life.

"You feeling alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, just tired."

"Because of last night?"

I stiffened as I heard Asahina-san exhale a little, a noise like a rubber ducky being squeezed escaping her. Don't say controversial things Koizumi, people get the wrong idea.

He shrugged, smiled, and leaned his head closer to the game board, presumably so no one but me would hear.

"The dream state. How long were you in it for after I was gone?"

"Oh, that. Not that long. Speaking of which, I wanted to talk to Nagato about that today, but she's not here."

"Yes, rarely is there ever a time when Nagato-san is needed that she does not show up. Oh well, you'll have plenty of time to talk."

Yeah. I hope.

The SOS Brigade meeting continued as thus, sipping hot tea, playing games, listening to Haruhi comment every so often on what she was perusing on the internet.

My eyes labored to keep open after a while, even while playing games. When I couldn't take it anymore, I motioned to Koizumi to put the game we were currently playing away, and placed my head on my hands which were in turn set on the desk. My eyes closed timidly as I tried to relax. To my surprise, Haruhi said nothing. I expected her to get pissed the minute I was sleeping in a Brigade meeting, but I guess not. Even so, I wavered in and out of sleep, most of the time just resting instead of sleeping. I vaguely remember hearing Haruhi tell everyone to go home, and then leaning down close to my face to whisper that she was leaving as well. I guess she thinks I can't hear when I'm asleep? Maybe she didn't want to wake me, but that doesn't seem like Haruhi. Oh well. Chalk that one up to the weirdness of Haruhi's everyday personality.

A couple minutes afterward I opened my eyes to find an empty clubroom. I looked over at Nagato's chair, so desolate and empty, just like her apartment had been when I first went there. I closed my eyes again just as I spied the time on the clock.

6:29 PM.

I awakened to find that shivers were running up and down my body. My eyes struggle to open as if they were frozen shut. The clubroom was dark. Light emanated from the window, as my gaze fell upon the source.

Colorless snowflakes outside. Had the rain turned to snow? No wait! Snow. Dream state. I'm in a dream state. I prepared my just awakened senses to try and pick up any noise. I couldn't hear a violin. The snow outside softly drifted as if it were not at fault at all, as if it were real and nothing was wrong with reality. It was very natural.

My senses slowly awakened as my brain power did. Nagato. I needed to do something before. Now is the time. Nagato has to be in this dream state. After all, she created this. She did this all... for me... for herself.

I struggled to a standing position. My body seemed stiff. There's no need to take anything.

My shadow lurched across the hall as I walked quickly to the staircase. The illuminating artificial light was supportive yet scary in a way. I hadn't been in the school when it was dark before. Except for one time, when I was in a different alternate reality.

The night air was cold as the snowflakes hit my red cheeks. I was not dressed for snow, and had not thought to bring an umbrella from the school outside. No matter.

I need to find Nagato.

Music. There was now music. My keen ears picked up the tranquility of the faint yet lovely song as my feet followed their command. I moved in an ostensible method, turning at 90 degree angles, trying to go in the direction of her. Of her playing. Her music. Her sanctuary.

I was becoming disoriented. The music began to get stronger, that's all I knew. I needed to get to her, to see her sitting there, slowing dragging the soft bow against the strings, her eyes gently closed, her face lost in the melodic tune.

I began to trip as I walked, not watching much of where I was going. I was on the street. Every so often an uneven crack in the sidewalk would come along and disturb my wayward march. My eyes were set in the air, as if they could help my ears pick up the sound.

I finally came to a point where I could not decide where to go. My mind was blistered with the music, and every way I stepped seemed to make it fade away. I swung my head to the left and right to locate my surroundings. I was near a beachfront. The sun was almost gone in the distance over the water, just barely peeking out to see its last gasp of this world before leaving it for another day. I leaned on a wooden guardrail to steady myself. My head lowered. I needed to focus on the music. But it was coming from everywhere now. Every which way the notes entered my ears. They sprang from the back and sprung form the front. I could not understand much of what was happening anymore. I needed someone. I needed someone to help me. Anyone. I'm desperate. My mind is fogged up. There are colors and images and people running all throughout the deepest crevices of my brain. The music kept pounding on me, harder and harder. More and more. I can't take it!

I threw my head skyward and let out the most agonized yell I've ever heard escape from my lips.

"Stop!"

And the music stopped.

Silence.

Nothing.

My eyes opened toward the dim sky speckled with white. The light snow was still falling. The sun was still casting a glow even though it was almost gone over the horizon. I lowered my gaze to the beachfront.

There she was.

The girl stood with her instrument cradled in one hand against her body. The slight breeze lifted her white summer dress up and down, and swished around her short lavender hair. She gazed at me. Her hands came together at her chest, now each holding the instrument of her music, the reason for her sadness.

"Nagato."

I let a whisper creep out from my throat. She looked so fragile, her face was delicate. She had been crying, as always it seems in the dream states.

I gained my senses and climbed over the guardrail, onto the beach, leaving my shoes and socks behind me.

My newly liberated feet were glad to be breathing fresh air as they guided me toward her. The sand was cold, snowflakes were peppered throughout it. That wasn't the reason the cold feeling was here though. Sand like this was always cold. It just seemed especially icy now.

It was as if I were approaching a sculpture of Nagato herself, as she did not move an inch. I stopped about 10 feet away from her. Those feet of mine would take me no further.

"Nagato..."

"Kyon...kun..."

Her first words to me were timid. She looked down again, her bangs now shadowed her beautiful eyes, the eyes filled with pools of emotion draining on the sides of her cheeks. She was not crying snow, but real tears. Yet she was not sobbing. It seemed like these tears were meant to be there. They were different from before, they were smaller, more temperate. Even so, the snow continued to gently fall, seemingly never hitting the ground but just floating around us, around the scenery, letting me know it was there only if I paid attention.

"Nagato. Why are you doing this?"

"..."

I waited for the answer. I knew it would come eventually. I felt I knew already.

"... For you."

For me. Nagato...

"Because I cannot go on living in our world anymore. I am not functioning as I should be. This,"

Her arms rose to her sides, the violin clutched tenderly in her left hand, her face still directed at the sand in front of her.

"is the only place I can be now."

Needless to say, I could not speak. Nagato did not speak in such anomalies before. She did not speak ambiguously like this.

"W-what do you mean?"

I could feel the anxiety rising in my voice.

"..."

Her hands were back at her sides, still caressing the scroll atop the violin.

"Kyon-kun... please... would you walk with me?"

"Eh? U-uh..."

I instinctively let out a surprised gasp. Nagato had never asked anything like this before. But, Nagato was different now. She was more and more like what a normal girl would be like. She was more and more of what I thought she would be like if she opened up. This is the Nagato I have imagined with emotions, the one that would appear in my own dreams a while ago. Sporadically, Asahina-san would not dominate my dreams, but Nagato would. I remembered the Nagato from last December. What if I had stayed? What if I had grown to know that Nagato? What would it be like if Nagato had perceptible emotions? What if she did things like she did in my dreams, waking me up clad in only a towel, asking if I wanted to take a bath with her? The love I felt for her in those dreams seemed real. And now, before my eyes, this Nagato had taken shape. The Nagato that I've dreamed about is here in my world. Even if this isn't the Nagato I've come to know, the alien who can hack a whole computer program in seconds, I didn't care. I began to realize that I've always had this kind of emotion for Nagato, it's just been hidden, just like she had hidden her emotions. Both came out of hiding at once. I feel I understand Nagato so much more now, and that this one… the one that is like a human girl… is the real one I've seen in the past year. I've been able to see through her cold exterior. Now she could shed that exterior. Or, she was being forced to. I've come to realize that there are types of love. I'm beginning to identify my feelings for Nagato as one of these types. The type where I can just be sitting there, holding her, doing nothing more than listening to the soft, gentle heaving of her breath, the mere idea of being with her sending out mortar flares of love inside me. When something like this happens, you know that that is the happiest you can ever be. That time spent together, just being with each other, holding each other, is frozen in your mind. And it will never thaw. It is permanent. That love is permanent.

My mind snapped out of its decryption. Nagato still awaited my reply.

"Um. Yes. Of course Nagato."

I walked closer to her, as she dropped the violin. Its base hit the chilled sand and toppled over like it had lost its life.

We proceeded to walk in the direction I had been facing, along the beach as the waves crashed up near our feet. Both of us were barefoot. The sun was almost completely still, it seemed to be stuck in that position, always emanating just enough light, but not enough for you to be completely aware of it.

After about 2 minutes of walking, I stopped, and Nagato instinctively stopped as well.

"Nagato."

"Hm?"

She turned from gazing straight forward to look at me. Her face had a pale tinge, her eyes shimmered as she stared at me curiously. My God. She is so cute right now. This Nagato, wearing a white summer dress, with no shoes or anything. The snow was accumulating in both our hair, nonchalantly keeping watch over us.

"You're diary... I'm sure you know I read it... right?"

Her face turned down again, as the hue in her cheeks turned slightly pinkish.

"...yes."

"What you wrote. Was it all true? Has all of this been happening to you... because of me?"

"..."

The sand had amassed around my feet, as if setting them in concrete. I carefully positioned my stare on her, as she still looked away.

"It is all true. It is my diary. I write from my thoughts."

"So... Nagato... you..."

I wanted to say "you love me." But I could not make the words. I never in a million years would have thought Nagato had these feelings for me, and I've only identified with them subconsciously, it seems. I felt awful that these emotions were changing her, making her feel all this pain.

"Kyon-kun. You read my diary."

"..."

"Would you... c-call me..."

She stopped as if the same thing was happening to her, the words not forming. But she was strong enough to get hers out.

"Y-Yuki-rin."

Ah… I remember… Nagato's wanted nickname. I keep forgetting, even though every time I see her I want to call her this. She is becoming more attractive by the second, as my heart is tearing by the second.

"Of course, Yuki-rin."

I turned ahead to begin walking again. A small sound came from behind me. Nagato had not moved, but was still looking down. Her right hand was extended toward me, palm up. Her cheeks were definitely pinkish red now.

"You want to hold hands?"

I had to make sure. Because I sure did want to.

"..yes. Kyon-kun."

I took her hand softly. It was not the cold and mechanical hand I was used to, but warm and welcoming. Her small fingers curled around mine as she took a couple steps forward until she was right next to me. We began walking again. The sun was pretty much gone now, as the stars were visible through the light snow falling. The snow seemed to be getting less thick. There was a dark, blue-ish tint to everything, but light still shone onto Nagato's face as we walked.

A couple minutes after, I felt a small weight on my left arm. Nagato had rested her head against it as we walked. I did not know what to do with this deliberately romantic gesture. I just continued to walk and look at her occasionally. My heart was so muddled now, my thoughts were cluttered. All I felt was that I wanted to continue walking.

As we made our way further down the beach, Nagato began to speak softly.

"Kyon-kun. I want this to last."

I started to feel her warmth radiating through to my body. She clung close to me, as my heart was starting to feel her love seeping through her into its endless bowels as she clung close to me.

"It cannot."

She said this while still looking ahead, talking into the distance. The beach continued to wind along the ocean shore as we talked, and the melodic sound of the waves crashing lulled my emotions to a point where I could only focus on one thing. One person. Her.

"Y-yuki-rin. What do you mean when you say that?"

She stopped, and looked up straight into my eyes. Her crimson lips began to move

"Kyon-kun, I am not worth anything anymore. I cannot continue my observation duties. I have been cast aside."

"W-what?"

"The Entity feels I am of no use. They feel I can only complicate things from this time onward. They plan to terminate my existence shortly. My last abilities have been used to create these spaces whenever I need them. Whenever I need to escape. But this is the last one. They have finally found me."

"..."

I waited for her to continue.

"This is the last time you will see me Kyon-kun. When you wake up, I will not be there. No one will remember me. I created this state for me. For us. Because I want you to know."

"Naga-... Yuki-rin... did I do this?"

"No. Do not blame yourself. Please. I have become broken, and I cannot be of use to anyone anymore."

I suddenly took my hand away from hers. I was now acting completely out of passion, everything coming from heart. It reminded me of when Nagato came to see me when I was in the hospital.

"No Yuki. You are not broken. You are fixed. You are not worthless. You are worth a great deal to people. You are worth a great deal... to me. You're not useless. I… need you to be there. They cannot take you away. I can't let them cast you aside."

She let her gaze fall as she hesitantly clasped her hands below her chin.

"Kyon-kun... I'm sorry."

"No! No sorries! No apologies! This isn't happening! Even if you can wipe my memory Nagato, I will remember you! No matter what they do, I'll do something to get you back. You can't leave... We... I... need you."

"..."

Her knees bent as her whole body lowered to the sandy beach. She picked up a palmful of sand with snow speckled throughout it like sad glitter. The sand and sparkling snow were caught in the breeze as she slowly let them slip through her fingers.

She readjusted to her standing position. Her bangs covered her eyes, but I could see the light flicker off the tears plummeting toward the beach.

"No, Yuki. No."

I said, my voice starting to get weak. My eyes clasped shut, as I didn't want my own tears to start drowning me.

"Kyon-kun, this is the last time we see each other."

She lifted her gaze to me. Slowly she walked forward, each step softly flattening the sand beneath it. Stopping in one motion, her arms lifted around my neck. She pulled my face down, and my lips met hers.

The world stopped.

My eyes were agape in surprise, as hers were closed in complete serenity. She pressed her soft lips harder against mine, and I closed my eyes and kissed her back. My arms reached around her back and caressed her, pulling her closer.

"I love you."

I don't know who said it, or if we both said it at once. Nothing was coherent. Everything had stopped. The snow was gone. The cold sand was gone. The world began to slowly twist around us as we stood, together, our spirits attached in perfect love, in perfect harmony. I felt her body being pulled away.

I could not open my eyes. I did not want to see her go. I would not accept this as the last time I saw her. I felt the warm hand touch my face, as it wiped the snow away, along with the small tears running away from my clenched eyes. I slowly opened them to see her. Smiling a faded smile, she gazed lovingly into the depths of my being.

"Goodbye. Kyon-kun."

Everything began to get white. Rapidly the snow came. The whiteness came. The haziness appeared, and brought with it a thick mist.

"Goodbye. Yuki-rin."

My faint farewell was caught in the harrowing fog, as the whiteness enveloped us.

The only reply I heard was the soft, sweet sound of a violin, drowning in the distance.


	6. Chapter 6: Perpetua

"Kyon-kun! Time to get up! C'mon!"

Sigh. Not again. Why does she insist on waking me up every morning? Just as my eyes were about to open, I felt an intense sharp pain in my lower body as my sister jumped on my bed.

"AHH! Jesus! What was that?!"

I doubled over in pain beneath my sheets as my sister recoiled, unsure of what has happened.

"Kyon-kun what's wrong? Where's Shami?"

I found it hard to breathe, let alone talk, as my hands clutched my stomach. It seems my courteous little sister has just unknowingly jabbed my crotch with her knee. Ugh, I felt like I was going to throw up all over the place, but the feeling was intermixed with pain all throughout my abdomen. I'm sure I don't need to describe this feeling further to you. Just keep in mind that it hurts like hell.

"Agh. Not here. Go away."

My voice was slightly high pitched. She scampered out of the room as I continued to writhe in harrowing agony. I gained my senses after about 10 minutes of focusing on the sudden pain thrust on me this morning. Man, am I tired. Why am I always so tired?

My pajamas where soaked with sweat. I must have been having a bad dream. Well, I can't remember anything at the moment, so no need to think about it. Bad dreams are better left forgotten anyway.

I made my way out of my bed and headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready for school. Sigh. It's going to be tough today.

As I walked up the slope to North High, a strange feeling came over me. It's like I had forgotten something at home, you know that feeling? You can't shake it, but you can't for the life of you remember what it would be. I ignored it after a while as I diverted my attention to slowly climbing the slope.

"Yo!"

A harsh slap on my back coupled with this greeting marked the arrival of my jovial friend.

"Yo."

Taniguchi slowed his pace to match mine as he continued to talk.

"Hey Kyon, you look tired. Long night?"

"Yeah I guess. I'm always tired."

"I don't know how you can be tired when you have a girl like Asahina-san to stimulate your senses."

"Yeah, just sometimes I feel exhausted no matter what. And don't talk about her like that."

I don't like when he talks about my girlfriend in that manner. It's not polite or proper. It seems he's always got girls on his mind, and especially Mikuru. That's why half the time I feel like punching him in the face.

"Sorry my man. Ooh, A+ girl on the loose up ahead, see ya!"

He took off running up the slope, following the poor girl who had unknowingly scored so high on his hotness meter. That guy is hopeless.

Haruhi was already in her seat staring out the window when I arrived at class 2-5.

"Yo."

I tossed my bag on my desk and sat down while turning toward her.

"Hey." She answered.

She seemed a little down, but that was typical Haruhi. We still had some time before class started. A small mob of North High sport jackets approached me.

"Good morning."

"Hey Kyon."

"Yo Kyon!"

Koizumi smiled his gracious smile, as he, flanked by Taniguchi and Kunikida, greeted me. This is two times too many to see stupid Taniguchi this morning. Oh well.

"Yo guys."

"Are you going to come watch the basketball game at lunch with us Kyon?"

"Nah, you guys go ahead. I promised Mikuru-chan I'd eat with her today."

"Man. You spend so much time with her these days."

Well, what do you expect, the most pleasant air of the goddess Asahina Mikuru is something I intend to be indulged in for eternity. I'm glad she had accepted my confession, or else SOS Club meetings would have gotten even more awkward. As I was thinking this, that air of forgetfulness came over me again. Why is this feeling coming back? I know I remembered everything today, and if I forgot some SOS Club thing, than Haruhi would remind me of it.

"Well Koizumi, I spend enough time with you after school everyday."

"That's correct, I guess."

He smiled and shrugged his shoulders as he turned to the other two.

"Too bad you guys aren't in the SOS Brigade. It's pretty lonely with only 4 members. Maybe you guys should come some days."

"Yeah right Itsuki! I wouldn't join that nutty club even if there were four Asahina-sans in it!"

"That reminds me, Suzumiya-san, are we having a Brigade meeting today?"

"No. I have cleaning duty and then I have cram school for my grades. Kyon, are you coming this time?"

"I don't know. Probably not. I might just skip it today and go to Mikuru's place."

Both Haruhi and I had started going to the cram school together because we agreed we needed to get our grades up before semester, we were both pretty close to the bottom in our class. But after going to the cram school a couple times, I'd started to prefer to just skip it anyway, it didn't help much to be there. Haruhi still went and let me copy her notes.

The chime for the beginning of the day rung as the small crowd of three went back to their seats. Okabe-sensei came in energetically to start the lesson. I had no urge to pay attention, as daydreams of my past dates with Mikuru entered my mind.

Haruhi was asleep about 15 minutes into the lesson. I turned around and poked her with my mechanical pencil, as I had been instructed to do by her whenever she started sleeping.

"Hey, wake up."

"W-wha? Agh... yeah yeah. Thanks Kyon."

She rubbed her eyes and focused them toward the chalkboard at the front.

The chime signaling lunch finally came as both Haruhi and I were about to die from sleep deprivation and boredom. I turned around and started to take my bento out of my bag. Haruhi did the same with hers.

"Are you just going to sit in here and eat alone again?"

I was worried about her always being alone. She could easily get some friends, but she just didn't seem interested.

"Yeah."

"Why don't you come and eat with Mikuru and me?"

"No. I don't want to disturb you two. You go ahead and have fun. Really."

"B-but-"

"No, really it's ok. I'm fine."

Her eyes shifted downward as she set her bento on her desk, and took out her chopsticks. Well, if she doesn't want to, then I'd just take her advice and go enjoy my lunch with Mikuru.

I left the room and carried my bento to Mikuru's classroom a floor up, in the senior hall. As I entered I heard an excited squeal as Mikuru skipped toward me with an air of happiness no one can fake. She was just adorable.

"Kyon-kun!"

She jumped on me as she threw her arms around my neck. That feeling of familiarity hit me again. What was I forgetting?

"U-uh. Hey."

I put my arms around her and hugged her. This is the part of my day where I can relax, when I can be with Mikuru. She really is the greatest thing in my life right now.

"Hey there Kyon-kun! Looks like someone's happy to see you!"

Tsuruya-san came out from behind Mikuru as she winked at me.

"Take care of her like always! You guys are so cute together!"

She bounded out of the room, brushing past us. Mikuru gently softened her grip, as her head rested against my chest, her eyes closed, her mouth in a delicate smile.

We released our embrace as she took my free hand and walked me over to her desk. We sat down together and unwrapped our bentos. I proceeded to eat casually; I didn't want to stuff my face in front of her. She was so cute as she worked her chopsticks and ate with small chews.

"So Kyon-kun, what do you want to do after school? Suzumiya-san said we didn't have a club meeting today."

"Well, I do have cram school, but I would rather be with you Mikuru."

She blushed.

"Aww. Kyon-kun. You shouldn't do that just for me, I'll feel bad."

"Nonsense. I want to be with you, and that's that, my little Mikuru."

I snuggled up against her cheek as I said this. I was pretty comfortably romantic, if I do say so myself. Didn't think I'd ever be able to act like this, but around Mikuru, it seems instinctual.

She laughed nervously and blushed even more furiously as I kissed her pink cheek softly. Sigh. This life I've come to lead, things just seem like they're going my way. I have to say I'm pretty happy.

Just then the feeling of forgetfulness washed over me again. It demolished the happiness inside of me, like I shouldn't be here, like there was something I had to do, or something I forgot. I did my best to ignore it.

We finished eating and conversing as the chime rang again. I hugged her goodbye, and left her classroom to head back to room 2-5.

Haruhi's head was down on her desk. She must be sleeping again. It seems that that is all she does, she's always tired. Like me. The only time I'm energized is when I'm with Mikuru.

"Yo. How was lunch?"

"...good."

She didn't move her head as she said this straight into her desk. I sat down as Okabe-sensei began the afternoon lesson.

I proceeded to space out for the rest of the day, my eyelids slowly closing now and again before I'd snap awake. My head nodded up and down in rhythm with Okabe-sensei's words, like I was listening to a melodic tune. The familiarity and forgetfulness kept coming back, and even if I'd push it away, it would find its way back into my head. It was bugging the hell out of me, so much so that I missed the chime signaling the end of the day. Haruhi poked me as she was leaving.

"Hey Kyon. Wake up. Day's over."

"W-wha? Ah. Yeah. Thanks. Sorry."

She made sure I was coherent and then left the room with her bag. I grabbed my bag and climbed the stairs to Mikuru's classroom. She was walking out with Tsuruya-san as I came down the hall. I greeted her with a sweet embrace, and we walked to the nearest cafe with Tsuruya-san. Mikuru clung to my arm as she walked, her head affectionately resting on my bicep. Suddenly the familiarity became so strong that I had to stop.

"Eh? Is something wrong Kyon-kun?

"N-no. It's just... I keep feeling like I've forgot something."

"Hm? Could it be homework or something?"

No, I wouldn't care that much about homework. Mikuru cutely furrowed her brow in deep thought. I loved how much she seemed to care about me, about something so trivial.

"Never mind. Let's go in."

The three of us entered the cafe and sat down. We ordered and talked lightly about the school day.

"Sometimes I envy you two Mikuru-chan. You seem so happy together!"

"Aw. Thank you Tsuruya-san. What about you? Have you been able to make any progress in gaining enough courage to confess to Kunikida-kun?"

Oh, that's right. We had had these conversations before. I had tried to help Tsuruya-san get together with Kunikida before, but Tsuruya is so shy around him, she completely changes. He, on the other hand, is just oblivious to what is going on. For an upperclassman to take an interest in someone younger than her was unusual, but hey, since it was my situation as well, I'm glad it happens.

Tsuruya proceeded to blush and turn away from us at Mikuru's question, fidgeting around in her seat. I volunteered yet another chance for her.

"You know Tsuruya-san, I could invite him to go on a double date with us this weekend. You might feel more comfortable if Mikuru and I were here."

"Ah! H-ha. No, that's fine! Please, I wouldn't be able to go through with that... nyorro."

Her face was bright red as she raised her hand up to play with her hair nervously. Ah, Tsuruya-san, whatever shall we do with you?

Mikuru and Tsuruya-san drank tea while I ordered an Ice coffee. I always seemed to get coffee these days, I'm always tired. As the cool ice hit my lips, the forgetful feeling washed over me again. The coldness of the ice seeped into my mind and would not leave, seemingly trying to tell me. Remember.

I wasn't able to drink it for the rest of the time we were there.

"Are you feeling alright Kyon-kun? You aren't drinking you're coffee."

"Y-yes. I'm fine. I'm great actually. It would be hard to feel bad with you Mikuru."

"Aww."

She blushed again as she turned and sipped her tea while smiling. Even I am surprised that I say that stuff sometimes.

I voluntarily paid the bill as we headed out of the cafe. We spent the rest of the afternoon window shopping downtown. I told Mikuru I wanted to buy her something nice, but she would not allow it, and just went from store to store with awe at some of the things in the windows.

"Kyon! Look at this!"

Mikuru came running up to me with a snow globe in her hands. She shook it, and the artificial snowflakes swished around the half sphere, pelting the little figure inside.

Artificial snowflakes...

I stumbled forward a little as the forgetting feeling collapsed onto my head with force. Something was not right. What was this? What had I forgotten?

"Kyon-kun! Are you alright? Something is wrong?"

"No no Mikuru, I'm fine. Just lost my footing for a second."

Mikuru and Tsuruya-san looked at me with concern.

"...ok."

After walking through the good parts of downtown, Tsuruya-san told us she had to go and bid us farewell.

Mikuru and I watched the long emerald hair disappear around the street corner as she skipped happily away. I turned to the sweet sempai at my side.

"Well, shall we go to your place?"

"...sure."

Her face turned red as she blushed. Now now my little angel, there's no need to be embarrassed anymore, we've been together for a little while now.

As we walked hand in hand to the train station, we saw Haruhi waiting for the train to our cram school.

"Yo! Haruhi! Tell sensei I'm not going to be there."

She turned and raised her hand up.

"Ok. I'll give you the notes tomorrow."

"Thanks."

She boarded her train and watched us as we waited for the train to Mikuru's neighborhood. After a while Haruhi's face turned down as she hid her eyes under her bangs, shivering a little. She must be cold. Or sleepy again. She's always sleepy.

As Mikuru's train came, she gave a small sigh of relief, as if she was expecting it not to come. We boarded and found that there were only about 5 other people on the train. We made our way to the other side of the cabin and sat together. I held her hand as her head rested on my shoulder. Ah. This is what it's about. And nothing else. Nothing.

...

"Kyon-kun. Thanks for today."

"Hm? Oh, that was fun. I wish we could go around every day Mikuru."

"I'm sorry Tsuruya-san tagged along."

"You know I have fun with Tsuruya-san, so it's no problem. I would be happy with any amount of people, just so long as one of them was you."

"Aww. Kyon-kuuuuuun..."

She said my nickname lovingly as she snuggled up to my chest.

We were in Mikuru's apartment, together sitting on the couch. My arms were around her, our hands clasped together, our fingers intertwined. Her head was resting on my chest, her eyes closed. The fire in the fireplace had died down a bit, as it cast a glow over the apartment. Mikuru was heaving up and down softly as she tried to relax. She always seemed so anxious about everything, but that's just the way she was. I didn't want her to change, for anything.

Something occurred to me though. I really should be happy at this moment. Even though I feel that I am happy, there seems to be something missing. It's the feeling of forgetting something again. It created a hole in my happiness, a hole I couldn't fill, and it would not go away. I need something to take my mind off of this.

"Hey Mikuru..."

"Yes, Kyon-kun?"

She moved her lips without opening her eyes.

"Can I turn on the radio or something?"

"Sure, right behind you there on the end table."

Taking great care not to disturb her, I twisted my upper body around and reached for the little switch on the radio. It clicked as I flipped it to the "on" position. No music came out. There wasn't any static or anything.

"Does this have batteries Mikuru?"

"It should. Try adjusting the station."

My index finger and thumb surrounded the dial as I turned it. As I was turning past the 500's into the 600's, more and more static could be heard. The music began to come out clearer and clearer. I stopped the dial on 708 FM, and heard whatever was playing previously end. A new song was starting.

I listened thoughtfully.

...

I heard the music. It was sultry and melodic. I quite liked it. It was an orchestral piece, with a strangely familiar violin playing foremost in the song.

Wait.

Familiar.

My eyes widened a bit as I started to try and pay more attention. I know this song! I had heard this somewhere before. That's weird, I don't usually listen to this kind of stuff. The noise coming from the radio began to seep into the room and swirl around my head. I laid my head back on the couch and closed my eyes.

_"The sounds that I heard were some of the most beautiful sounds that had ever reached my ears. The long notes couple with short jabs, played rhythmically and melodically. Perfectly. "_

My thoughts echoed in my head. Familiar. I was forgetting again. Why is this. I was beginning to be lost in the music. I don't know why, but I could not think of anything. A sound began to fill the air as a woman started singing. My mind began to fluctuate. Images ran through my mind, strange images. Images of a girl with lavender hair, a bench in a park, a beach. Snow... sand... whiteness...

The music began to die down with the woman's voice as it was fading out. I head the DJ's voice come on.

"Thanks for listening everyone out there. That was an Edvard Grieg piece, by request for a… Kyon. Ich Liebe Dich."

Everything in my head stopped.

The world stopped.

My eyes shot open as I looked at the ceiling.

Ich liebe dich.

Ich liebe dich.

Ich liebe dich.

The words reverberated over and over.

My mind began playing a clip of that girl with short lavender hair playing a violin. She turned to me and softly said "Ich liebe dich".

Suddenly, all the images came into view in front of me at once and began flashing with bursts of light. What is going on? What is this? Am I awake? Is this real? Help! The music began to play, and my head began to ache as a throbbing started, going in synch with my heart beat. Stop! What is going on?! I couldn't move! Familiarity! Forgotten! Remember! Remember! Remember!

"..."

_"Yuki-rin."_

Yes! That's it! Nagato! That's who that is! Nagato! The violin! The dream states! The bench! The beach! The sleepover! The diary! It all came back! What had happened? This is not reality! The fire flickered in the fireplace as it was dying, creating a strobe light effect in my head that only personified my confusion.

I switched my panicked gaze to the sleeping senior on my lap. Asahina-san?! What is this?! I shot to a standing position off of the couch, waking Asahina-san in the process.

"Ow. Kyon-kun, what's wrong?"

"Asahina-san! What is this? What is going on?"

"W-w-wha? Asahina-san? Eh? I was... just... sleeping on you."

"I could see that! Why?"

"Because you... you are my boyfriend."

I stared at her. What is this. Have I just been thrown into an alternate reality? Where is Nagato? I need her to explain!

Wait. Nagato said to me in the dream state that she was being terminated. No. It can't be. She said everyone wouldn't remember her! I needed to make sure this wasn't true before doing anything else.

"Asahina-san! Do you remember Nagato?!"

"W-wha? N-Nagato? No...?"

I took her hands and looked into her eyes, which were beginning to get teary as she saw the alarm in my face.

"Are you sure? Think!"

"Um... Y-yes... I think I don't know anyone by that name."

It was beginning to be true.

"Asahina-san! You are a time traveler, are you not?!"

She started and recoiled a bit, a gasp escaped her mouth. Her eyes widened as she lay on the couch, my hands clutching hers.

"H-ho... How did you k-know that? I haven't told anyone..."

"You did tell me Asahina-san! This all isn't right! Nagato should be here! Koizumi is an esper, right? Haruhi created the time quake 4 years ago right?"

She again raised her expression to surprise.

"T-time quake? K-Kyon-kun, how do you know that about Suzumiya-san?"

"Because you told me! Remember? The cherry blossoms, the bench along the river? We've had adventures! We went back to Tanabata 4 years ago!"

She just whimpered and stared in frightened surprise, her mouth agape.

I let her go and stood upright. They actually did it. They actually terminated her. She's gone. Time is different now. They altered the data.

But she can't be gone. She's still trying to reach me. That song. For me. "I love you". She is still here. I need to find her. I need to know what to do Nagato.

I stared at Asahina-san, the lovable sempai was still withdrawn on the couch. The fire was dead now, and the room was dark.

"Asahina-san, I have to go. Please... excuse me."

I walked hastily to the door and put my hand on the knob before I heard a sound from behind me.

"Kyon...kun..."

I turned to see Asahina-san, now standing, with her arms extended toward out me. It was the universal gesture for "I want a hug." Wow, she really was my girlfriend, I hadn't seen Asahina-san ever take this kind of initiative. Her face was close to tears, worry written all over it. In her mind, things had just gotten a lot more complicated. Her quivering lips moved again.

"Please. Just to say goodbye."

I walked over to her and held her. She was warm. I wanted to comfort her. Another feeling washed over me, as an image flashed through my head with such speed that I only had a second to comprehend.

'_Kyon-kun' I murmured. He stopped us right in the doorway and turned to me. 'Yuki-rin' he said quietly as he placed his hands on my shoulders. 'It will all be alright.' He said this as he pulled my body close to his, and embraced me._

Nagato. I instantly let go of Asahina-san. She gasped in surprise, her eyes snapping open.

"Sorry Asahina-san, I really have to go. Please. Don't think about this for right now. Something is... wrong, I'll tell you later."

I turned quickly and exited, leaving her standing there, alone, in her dark apartment.

I knew I had to find Nagato, but I had no idea where. The only thing I could think of to do was to go to her apartment. I ran along the streets, exasperated, until I came to the familiar place. My eyes ran up and down the tall building that I had so often visited. I was just here for a sleep over with the SOS Brigade. With Nagato. I need to find her. Please let something happen to tell me what's going on!

I looked at the intercom outside and pressed my thumb into the button labeled "708".

A voice came out after a few seconds.

"Yes?"

"Nagato?"

"What? No, this is Suzumiya Haruhi."

"Haruhi?!"

What?! Haruhi? What was she doing in Nagato's apartment? What was with this? This was just like an alternate reality. The fact that Nagato is missing from the timeline must mean that it has altered the state of the world. Now it's a place where Asahina-san in my girlfriend and Haruhi lives in this luxury apartment complex. I had never been to her house before, so I had no idea what kind of money or family or anything that she had. Also, it's too bad I'm too freaked out right now to enjoy Asahina-san being together with me, I'll have to go talk to her tomorrow or something.

"Yes, that's what I said. Is that... Kyon?"

"Y-yes. Haruhi, I know this sounds weird, but I can I come up there for a second?"

"W-what? To my apartment? Um... y-yeah, sure. Door's unlocked, go ahead."

I thought maybe there would be some sort of clue as to where Nagato might be in the apartment. I hoped that Nagato would leave some form of communication for me, like when I was lost in the disappearance world. This was strangely similar.

I ran inside and made my way with equal haste to the elevator. It seemed to take forever as it ascended up each level, one by one. It opened to the same badly lit hallway as before, when I chased after Nagato in the dream state. I went along the corridor until the number plates on the door counted up to 708. I knocked.

"Coming."

There was some rustling as if the person behind the door was hurrying to clean up, or prepare their appearance.

Haruhi answered the door in her pajamas. Her hair was slightly disheveled, and her gold hair ribbon was nowhere to be found . Her cheeks were a bit red as if she were embarrassed. Wow, this is weird. Why isn't she yelling at me or something? I need to proceed with caution here.

"Can I come in?"

"S-sure."

She opened the door all the way and stood aside as I slowly walked into the apartment. It was the exact same as Nagato's from before, only it had furniture. It was lavishly furnished in fact, and smelled of some type of spice. It was eloquent, and seemed sort of girly yet cozy at the same time. I concluded that Haruhi had been watching TV, as the television was on and there was a blanket on her sofa across the room from it.

She stood timidly by the door. As if suddenly remembering something, she jumped and looked at me.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Should I get some tea? One second..."

She started to head for the kitchen but I stopped her.

"Haruhi, do you remember Nagato?"

She looked at me as her eyes darted toward my hand which was clenched around her wrist. Her cheeks remained a crimson hue.

"N-Nagato? No. I don't know a Nagato. I don't think I ever have."

Just as I thought. Sigh.

I let go of her and she went to the kitchen to make tea. I headed over to the kotatsu in the middle of the room and sat down. Haruhi was watching some romantic show it looked like.

My eyes slithered over the room, taking it in. Now that I think about it, the walls are a different color, they are a light purple color, whereas Nagato's walls where just white. Light purple... Nagato. The curtains were open and I could see the city lights keeping watch over everything in the dark. There was quite a view from this apartment.

My gaze went around until I came upon Haruhi's school bag on another table. My eyes stopped moving.

There I saw a familiar book. I got up eagerly and walked over to it. My hands picked up the smooth book and looked at the cover.

It was the novel Nagato had been reading. The French one. L'Étranger.

Haruhi came in with a trey in her hands, a tea pot and two cups sitting on top of it. She saw me looking at the cover of the novel.

"I'm reading that right now. It's really interesting."

"Is that so?"

I carefully turned to the page Haruhi was currently on. What I wanted to see was there. A bookmark. And what I saw on the bookmark was even more surprising, as I audibly gasped involuntarily.

On it was the cartoon drawing of Nagato from before. The one that had a chibi-like Nagato holding the chocolates. The one I had found when I had dropped her bag and all her stuff spilled out. That small scribble on a piece of paper. This time, the cartoon Nagato wasn't saying "Kyon-kun" though. In the speech bubble were the words "7 days." My mind tried to put a meaning to this. I traced through everything Nagato had said to me about her changing. I tried to remember her diary. I tried to remember what Koizumi had said about dream states. Nothing. 7 days? What?

"Do you like that bookmark? It was given to me as a present from someone. It was in my shoe locker, with a note."

"Haruhi, do you have that note still?"

"Eh? Uh. Yeah, one sec."

She went over to her bag and rummaged through her front pocket. She produced the note and showed it to me. My enthusiasm was fulfilled, as the writing on the note was Nagato's handwriting, with computer like font that spelled out "For you."

"Do you know who gave it to me?"

"Uh. Yes. No... I mean. Not really."

Her face blushed again, and her head bent slowly downward as she put the note back. She walked over to the kotatsu and poured two cups of tea.

I continued staring at the bookmark. 7 days. What was Nagato trying to say?

"Haruhi, when did you get this? How long ago?"

Her face turned upward as if in perpetual thought, her hand came to her chin as her index finger pointed out in a Koizumi like pose.

"Hm... um... about 10 days ago, I think. Last Friday."

10 days. That's... the day I first read Nagato's diary. At least in my time line, my memory. That's the day that I learned something was wrong with Nagato. Wait. What did she say then?

_"Lately there have been disturbances in my data correlation abilities. I cannot process the data I used to process easily. The Entity is non-responsive."_

_"Um... how long has this been happening?"_

_"7 days."_

Then it hit me. She had said that she had started changing 7 days from that Friday. That means something happened.

_"Who Nagato? Who did this to you?_

_"..."_

_"You." She said._

That means that I did something 7 days before that. My emotions went on high as I remembered this. Nagato crying in the clubroom. Her running out and me chasing her. But how would I know? I can't remember anything like that. I didn't think I had done anything weird or romantic toward Nagato at that time. Now I have the clue, but I don't know what to do. Oh, Nagato, why are you so cryptic?

Haruhi saw my grimaced face, lost in thought.

"Are you ok Kyon?"

"Haruhi, can I have this?"

I held up the book mark.

"Um. Yeah, I guess."

She looked back toward the table and sipped her tea.

"Thanks."

I put the bookmark into my coat pocket, and placed her novel back into her bag. I then turned toward her.

"Haruhi, I'm terribly sorry for barging in on you, but I forgot I have something I have to do. I'm sorry, but I must leave."

My legs moved me toward the door, but stopped when I heard a small sound from behind, a familiar sound, like one I had just heard when exiting the previous apartment I was in.

"Kyon..."

My head swiveled around to see Haruhi standing. Her face was bright red, as she was blushing furiously. Her right hand was outstretched toward me, her fingers parted, as if she were string to grab something, to hold on to something. Her left hand was clenched at her chest.

I stared back at her. Her eyes stared into mine with longing. What is it Haruhi? Do you need to say something to me?

Just as I was going to speak, her gaze lowered, along with her outstretched hand. Her bangs covered her eyes, as her faint and fragile voice came to me.

"Bye."

I stared at her again. She was just standing there. I saw her slightly starting to shake again, like she had on the train. I couldn't see her face.

"Bye."

I turned and exited the apartment while closing the door quietly. Walking to the elevator, I took a look outside. For once, I was sorry to not see snow falling. My eyes were only met with the gentle lights of the city, caressing the night in its arms.


	7. Chapter 7: Thoughtless

I heard two rings before a sound came over the line.

"Hello?"

His gentle voice finally answered. Even by just hearing it, you knew the owner of it was some handsome bastard who was taller than you.

"Koizumi?"

"Yeah, who's this?"

"...Kyon."

"Oh? Yeah?"

"Yeah, listen, can you meet me somewhere, I need to talk to you."

His voice changed, as a hint of startled uneasiness came into it.

"Um... sure."

"Front of the station, 15 minutes?"

"Okay. I'll be there."

I hung up the phone quickly and walked over to the station from Nagato's... er... Haruhi's apartment. 7 days. I can't really explain that to Koizumi. I can't tell that to anyone. Haruhi is the only one who's seen it, but the less people know the better. The only problem with that is, I still have no idea what to do.

As I arrived, I took the time to lean against the pole we usually met at. It was beginning to get dark. I scanned my gaze over the station. There was an unusually small amount of people here. I gazed off into the distance a ways to see the cafe we usually eat at, we being the SOS Brigade in my time. It seemed so remote now, so nostalgic.

I began to start falling asleep standing up against the pole. My eyes closed softly, my eyelids becoming heavier. My will to keep them open was slowly dissolving.

"Hey. Kyon?"

I felt a nudge as I awakened my senses. Koizumi's smiling face greeted my newly opened eyes.

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

I picked myself up, because I had fallen to a sitting position against the pole. Okay, time to get serious.

"Koizumi, listen carefully. I know you are an esper."

Koizumi's grinning face hardly flinched as he just kept radiating the repulsive and hollow smile back at me. I expected him to at least be a little surprised that I knew that, I figured it would be his biggest secret.

"It seemed like something was different about you Kyon."

I was extremely agitated by his relaxed nature.

"Yes. Let me be frank with you. I am not the me from this time plane."

The smiling esper only nodded and replied with "is that so?"

Yes, it is. If you can believe it, there were 5 SOS Brigade members in my time plane, the 5th being an humanoid interface created by the-

"Integrated Data Sentient Entity."

Koizumi quickly interrupted me without changing his demeanor.

Wait, you know about them?

"Kyon, it is my job to keep watch over Suzumiya Haruhi. It's part of the job description to know who else is watching her as well."

So that means...

"Yes, I know about Asahina-san."

The initiative in this conversation had been completely flipped, as now I was shocked that he knew so much, even though I intended for him to be impressed with my knowledge.

He only continued to smile as he said,

"Kyon, let me tell you something about the time plane we are in right now. I'm sure you're aware of the power Suzumiya-san possesses?"

Yes, you explained it to me before. I believe you were the one who thought... she was a God, right?

"Correct, in a sense. She has the power to recreate the world at will."

And it's tough for you, because Haruhi is so weird and wants all this crazy stuff to happen?

"Actually, no. Suzumiya Haruhi is very stable. Closed space is hardly ever created in this time plane, and when it is, the Shinjin do not act very destructive."

What? Haruhi… stable? I don't think that thought can materialize in my mind. Although, what I had just gone through at her apartment really did prove his point a little.

He saw the confusion in my face.

"Oh, I'm sorry, do you not know about closed space? Shall I show you?"

He reached out his hand toward me. No thanks, you've taken me to a closed space before, and I know all about those Shinjin and whatnot. But I didn't know Haruhi was different in this time plane.

"Of course. I don't know how it is in your time plane Kyon, but there is only one thing that gives Haruhi grief, and it is her emotions. Particularly, love."

Oh boy. His grin grew wider as his head moved slightly toward mine.

"I feel I should let you know since you know all this already, but Suzumiya-san is in love with you. The greatest cause of her angst is the fact that she cannot tell you. She is too bashful. In fact, she created the SOS Club just to be with you."

Haruhi? In love with... me? SOS Club?

"Ah, yes, I heard you refer to it as a 'Brigade'. The SOS Club is nothing more than a social club Haruhi created. She did it because she wanted to spend time with you after school. She asked you to help her make it. I joined to keep her thoughts and actions in check. Asahina-san joined, well, because you did. Ever since you started dating Asahina-san, Haruhi had become much more dejected."

The little princess is jealous of Asahina-san?

"On the contrary, that isn't the case. She is just very disappointed that you don't notice her more, and that she is able to see you give your love to someone else. But she is happy when you are happy Kyon, so she would no regret something that puts a smile on your face. That's why both you and Asahina-san still exist and are still going out, Haruhi has not wished for you to break up."

He raised his face to look at a spot above me, seemingly searching for the distant stars that were hidden by the city lights.

"It will be much easier now though, if you are different. The you of this time plane, and pardon me for saying, really liked the Asahina-san of this time plane, it was easy to see. You confided in me your feelings, and I could just dismiss them as simple high school puppy love, so I let you go off and confess to her, even though it makes my job harder. But now that you are impartial, and don't show feelings toward anyone, it should be easier for all of us."

My mind swiftly brought up the image of Nagato, standing on the beach, the snow gently falling around us. She leaned into me, and met me with a kiss. I wouldn't say I was impartial. Can't let Koizumi know that though.

"You know Koizumi, this is all fine and dandy, but it's new to me. How am I supposed to act now that I know this?"

"Just act normal. Live your life. Be happy. It will be very troublesome for Suzumiya-san, and in extension, me, if you were to start acting... weird."

Things have already gotten weird.

"I apologize for that Kyon. Just try to do your best..."

He dramatically lifted his wrist so I could see him looking at his watch.

"Well, look at the time. I had better get back home to get some sleep, I had been up the past couple of nights working. You know?"

Yeah. I know.

"Goodbye Kyon, and good luck."

He waved as he smiled and departed around the corner.

Things were unquestionably getting peculiar… that was an understatement. It was hard for me to grasp this new reality in my head. For some reason, my mind began to get hazy. I began to remember Nagato. I began to remember her soft touch, that dream I had on the beach with her. It was not a dream. That's the last time I saw her. Nagato. Her hand was so warm, it was so different than anytime I had felt her before. I had felt her love. Now she's gone.

I found myself to be in a daze. I walked in a wayward fashion across the city, the natural light had long since vanished behind the scenery, never daring to show its face in a depressed condition. The city took me up in its synthetic light, and let me bask in the warmth it provided. My feet moved mechanically, not in synch with my mind at all. Here and there, a curb would appear, and I would trip, only regaining balance after a few steps. There was fog in my head. What was this. I was blank inside, I cannot think. Everything is different now. I don't have Nagato anymore. She wanted me to be happy. She felt this was the best possible solution to the problem at hand. Why did I have to go and make her change? Wait, am I blaming myself for making someone fall in love with me? Why couldn't Nagato just live her life? I've often wondered how she really feels about her existence. Why couldn't the Integrated Data Sentient Entity just let her be a normal human being on the outside, who could live a normal life with her friends, and have normal feelings? They made the others, like Asakura, that way. Why did they do this to Nagato? Why can they let her data get corrupted? Do they not care?

I tripped again as I fell to a knee in a puddle along the dark street. The low roar of a passing car slowed my thought process.

Nagato. It's not fair. It's not fair to me. It's not fair to everyone. But it's especially not fair to you. The minute you start to feel a place in this world, you are swept away. Why did it have to happen like this? Nagato began to be more normal, she began to fit in more. The more she tried, the more "broken" she was to them.

I picked up my pace to a slow jog as my head continued to grind out thought after thought. I began to physically keep speed with my mind, as my thoughts got heated, so did my body. I had no idea what was happening anymore. The fog from before was coming into my head. Only this time, it was not from outside. There is no dream state. There is no Nagato. This is all me now. I'm all alone.

They can't do this! All the time I've spent as a high schooler, I've just been waiting for it to get better. I dwell on the things I have to do for the SOS Brigade, having to put up with Haruhi and gaze at Asahina-san, knowing I can never have her. I have to listen to Koizumi yak about nonsense, and I have to keep my grades up so I won't be disowned by my mother. Now that all of those problems are gone, I've realized that this existence, one without Nagato, my rock, the one person in the world I could depend on in my utmost moments of despair, is gone. All my various problems of before are gone, but they have left behind in their wake one of exponentially worse magnitude. There was no Nagato. And for some reason that I can't comprehend, it tears away at me.

Before I had realized it, my legs were running. I was running for no reason, in no direction, with no meaning... with no thoughts. Everything was emotion.

Why Nagato? Why this? Why does this have to happen? Why must you sacrifice yourself for the likes of the rest! You don't deserve this!

My cries became more external until I was saying them out loud as I ran. They grew in amplitude until I was yelling them out. I heard the repugnant sounds intermixed with my gasps for breath. Even if I collapsed right there, I would not care, I would still want to run. If my heart burst on the spot, it wouldn't matter, because it felt empty anyway. The ghastly sounds that started coming from me began to mix with my sobs. I was yelling and crying and panting all at the same time as running. Why? The only thing that would cross my mind! Why! Three letters in my head. Why! They flashed colors, they flashed lights, they flashed in and out, and began to fade. I felt a sharp pain in my knee as the indistinct landscape in front of me stopped moving. My side began to ache as if it were cut open.

I had slipped and fallen. I just lay there. What point was there in getting up? Why don't I just lay here, I deserve it for sending Nagato away, it's my fault. I don't care about Haruhi. I don't care about Asahina-san either. I just want things to be the way they were, I want Nagato back in the corner reading her books. I want to be able to look at her, and wonder what is going on in her head. I need that old reality to find its way into this one.

I slowed my sobs and breathing as I lifted my head to see where I was. There was a dark blue tint to everything, as if someone had applied a photo filter to the world. The golden lights of the city had left me behind, as now all I saw was a lone candlelight. I was near a shrine.

I picked myself up slowly, and struggled over to a bench outside, before throwing myself upon it in undying agony. My ears picked up the sound of a hoarse voice. It was coming from my left.

"We here on this earth do but walk in unison, yet bound ourselves to each other by ties of responsibility, of emotion. We will all fall in this three-legged race of life. So then I ask you, what is keeping you from cutting the rope tied around your ankle?"

I glanced over, trying hard not to make much of an effort to look. There I saw a small, old man, hunched over. A dark shawl covered him, as he swayed a little with his words. His arms were extended in front of him. He was facing out toward the shrubbery next to the shrine, and it seemed he was talking to no one.

It's a crazy guy. Great.

"Why must we make such treacherous activity be common-place on this earth? It is because of how we as humans live. We as humans are inherently evil, and will always find a way to better ourselves while tearing down those around us. We do not fool our innermost desires when our conscience gets to us. We all know what we want, and that is more."

I turned my head back to stop staring at the old man. I was about 10 feet away from him, and it did not seem like he had noticed I was there. Yet it did not seem like he noticed anyone was anywhere, and he certainly didn't notice that no one was where he was preaching to.

"Take a look at yourself. Now look to the left and right. What do you see? Do you see someone who is poorer? Better looking? Perhaps they smell bad? Why can we not look past these things? Do not stare into the picture frame, but avert your gaze to the mirror, for you look just as unfavorable to them as they do to you. So why must we break that mirror? Why must we skew it to not see ourselves? Is it because our reflection scares us? Or perhaps because the bad luck is the least of our worries..."

I have found the craziest guy in Japan. But... what makes him so much crazier than me? I felt so out of place right now that I have been running around blindly for the last 20 minutes. I don't feel I belong here at all. What does it all matter? I can't be happy here. Nagato wants me to, but even I cannot grant her that wish. Maybe I would be happy with Asahina-san as a girlfriend, but what would that amount to? Maybe it's better that Haruhi is more laid back, but she is still capable of remaking the entire world. Even when I was placed in a world where I would supposedly be happy in every aspect, I was still stuck in the clutches of impending doom. So I ask again, what does it all matter?

"We may take the pen, and empty out the ink to see what is inside. But all we are left with is a sheet of paper stained with black emotion. The pen is gone, the insides are now seeping through to everything. The tip is lonely, it may roll, but it will never find itself to be whole, because it's already too late. Drip. Drip. Drip. The black ink has overflown. And so do our lives into the abyss."

I couldn't tell who's thoughts were who's now, as it seemed the old man's voice ran through my brain. My eyes closed gradually, and opened to see a pond in the darkness where I had been staring.

I unconsciously stood up and walked over to its edge, the dark water smiling back at me, the iciness seeping into the air around my face.

I could end it. What does it all matter anyway? I could join Nagato, and terminate myself. Then we'll see how this world reacts. I could not see my reflection in the water as my face drew nearer, my body edging closer and closer to the blackness, away from any light. I could just drown, and let the sweet cold water fill my lungs.

"The ink would just seep out, and drip away, until it was permanent with the scenery..."

Permanent... I wasn't permanent anywhere. The only thing that is permanent is death... and for Nagato, that time had come. For me...For me... take a step. Just fall.

"I will catch you. You won't be cold anymore. Just fall."

My pocket vibrated.

I stepped back from the water's edge by instinct. My mind seemingly came out of a trance, as the fog in it lifted little by little.

I reached in and grabbed the sleek chrome phone and flipped it open.

1 new TXT message

Open...

"Kyon... I'm worried about you. Please call me. Love Mikuru"

...

I felt tears coming to my eyes.

"Do you know why this is happening? It's you! Your fault! You're selfish! Man is selfish! But you! You are the epitome! Life is not always about you! Repent! Regret! This is your fault!"

I closed my eyes tightly as the old man's voice reached my ears. No it wasn't. No... it... wasn't...

"Your fault! Think for a second about others! You are here for a reason! A reason! This is your fault! Your fault!"

No! No it wasn't!

"Yes! Yes! Your fault! Your fault!"

"Your fault!"

Your fault!

Your…

Fault…

I spun my contorted face around and screamed,

"No it's not!"

No answer. Silence. I clutched my cellphone tightly in one hand, as a fist was made with the other. My eyes opened slowly. There was no one there. A lone tree branch rustled in the wind. There was no light anywhere, but there was no old man either.

I looked around. He was there... wasn't he? My eyes surveyed the area again. It was the same.

I looked down at my cellphone screen...

" Mikuru"

It's not my fault...

My fault...

Just keep saying that Kyon...

The more you say it, the more you know it isn't true.

The next day at school was interesting to say the least.

As I drudged up the slope to my everyday hell, which was sure to be worse today for the fact that I was in this time plane and knew nothing about what was happening, I felt a familiar slap on my back, coupled with the same greeting that always followed.

"Yo Kyon!"

Taniguchi ran up next to me and started walking.

"Yo."

Taniguchi seems the same. It sure would be weird if in this reality he was the one who had girls chasing after him instead of the other way around. That would sure freak me out enough to turn back and head home.

"Kyon, bro, you gotta tell me something. And be truthful man. How far have you gone with Asahina-san? No lying!"

"Shut up idiot!"

I turned and coldly looked into his smiling face. He returned my stare with a grin that hid no shame. My own face began to get red.

"C'mon! We're buds right? Just let me in on this..."

Right there I realized something. This was a golden opportunity to mess with Taniguchi. Granted, this isn't my style of joking, but I had had no fun since being thrown into this timeplane, only confusion and grief, so it was about time I balance it out. And there was no better way than getting Taniguchi all hot and bothered. It was one of the many things I loved to do, but hated to admit to, just like going to SOS Brigade meetings every day after school, that is, if there isn't anything weird planned.

"Ok Taniguchi, I'll tell you, but you have to swear to not tell anyone else."

I leaned in close to him and feigned seriousness. The "don't tell anyone" was a nice touch.

"Let's just say... last weekend I socked the ball pretty deep into the outfield, and didn't stop as I rounded third, if you know what I mean."

His eyes grew bigger as I knew my trick had worked. Really Taniguchi, is it that easy?

"No way Kyon! No way! You went all the way?! With Asahina-san?!"

"Hahaha! Taniguchi! Hohoho!"

I laughed in his face, almost doubling over as I clutched my sides. What a gullible friend I have!

"C'mon Kyon! Really! Truly? You swear?"

My laughs died down in sound as I bent over and put my hand on his shoulder.

"Shh! Yeah. There, I told you. Now don't tell anybody else."

"Ohh c'mon! Give me details! I need details!"

He grabbed my shoulders and tried to stop me as I started walking away but I shrugged him off.

"Hey, I told you enough, just forget about it."

"Agggghhh!"

He clutched his head as he let out an antagonized groan skyward. I smiled happily to myself as I continued up the slope. This day started out good enough.

I walked into class just before the lesson was starting. Haruhi was in the room staring at the vacant spot in front of her, where I should be sitting. I walked over and tossed my bag on the desk, breaking her concentration.

"Hey Haruhi."

She looked up at me, and then turned away, averting her gaze to the window.

"Hey."

Her cheeks went slightly red. Maybe she was remembering that I had been in her apartment last night.

So this Haruhi liked me huh? I'll admit it made me feel good to know this, I felt I had the upper hand in the relationship now. I stared at Haruhi for a little longer before turning around. Okabe-sensei had started the lesson. I looked over and saw a familiar person sitting a row to my right and three seats up. It was Koizumi. What was he doing in this class? Shouldn't he be in that smart 2-9 class? He didn't seem different at all when I talked to him before.

Sigh, now it was time to space out for a while until...

Lunch.

I didn't really know what to do during lunch. I just kind of sat there as the chime rung. Haruhi took a bento out of her bag. Well, that's weird... and different.

"You're eating here Kyon?"

"Umm, yeah I guess."

I took my bento out of my bag as well. Taniguchi and Kunikida were no where to be found, it seems they had rushed out of the classroom or something, so I might as well sit here and eat. Koizumi had left as well, presumably going to the cafeteria.

I took out my chopsticks and looked at Haruhi, who in turn had been staring at me. She looked back down and began to unwrap her bento.

"How come you aren't eating with Mikuru-chan?"

Oh crap. The mention of her name made me remember I was supposed to call her. I should go talk to her.

"Oh. Uh. I don't know. I'm just gonna eat here and then maybe go talk to her."

I don't know why, but I felt much more uncomfortable knowing Haruhi had an interest in me. She was very shy. As I looked at her again, and noticed she was blushing, I realized how cute she looked. She delicately took out her chopsticks and began eating her bento slowly, with miniature bites.

I finished my lunch quickly as I said goodbye to Haruhi and left the room. As I was leaving, I noticed there were hardly any guys in the room at all, and didn't see that many in the halls as I walked over to Asahina-san's classroom.

I reached my hand out to grasp the doorknob. Just as I did, the door itself slammed open into me. I fell to the ground with a hard thud. Ow! What the hell just happened?

In the doorway was a menacing looking Tsuruya-san flanked by a crying Asahina-san, followed by some of their classmates, trying to comfort the poor sempai. Tsuruya-san took notice of my lying on the floor as her face turned from menacing to evil. She looked really mad. She jumped on me, grabbing my collar, and pulled my face close to hers.

"What is this Kyon!? You go around telling people about promiscuous nights with Mikuru-chan?! That's not something you just go spouting off you insensitive idiot!"

It seemed like she was either about to punch my head off or bite my neck with her giant canines. I tried to defend myself, although I was doing a pretty poor job. I had no idea what was going on either. If anyone knows, it would be great if you could come in and explain it for me, because I lack in the art of making up stories on the spot.

"I... Wha? Uh... Asahina-san?"

I looked at her as she was crying, staring at me through her tears and sobs. I slowly began to realize why. Taniguchi. That son of a bitch!

"No! Wait! Look, I can explain!"

I tried to push Tsuruya-san off of me, but she would not budge. I could just clear this up right now if you'd give me a chance!

Suddenly Asahina-san cried out in between sobs.

"Kyon! That was supposed to be our little secret! It's not something you tell your friends about!"

What?

"No No! Asahina-san! It's not like tha-"

Wait a second. Our secret? That means it actually happened? The me in this time plane had actually... bedded Asahina-san? No way! That bastard!

Wait, why am I mad, isn't it me anyway? Should I be praising my other self or kicking him in the crotch?

"I really had you pegged wrong Kyon, you pervert!"

Tsuruya got off me and pulled me to my feet in front of her face. Then, in front of everyone, and making a sound no one could ignore even if they were on the other side of the school, she slapped me across the face with such force that I was scared my head would spin all the way around.

"Get out of here!"

She pointed back down the hallway. I didn't move, but just held my cheek, complete with a red imprint of a hand, and stared at her and Asahina-san.

"NOW!"

She jumped toward me as I broke my trance and began to scamper off down the hall. I still wasn't clear on what was going on, but that seemed to be the theme in this time plane for me. As I walked back to my class rubbing my cheek, I began to realize that it was a huge mistake making that joke, as every person in the halls stared at me strangely, and lowered their voices in their conversations. If word got out that I... had done things to Asahina-san, the whole male population of the school would beat the living daylights out of me.

The chime rung, and as I entered room 2-5, a mob of blue blazers pounced on me.

"Kyon! no way"

"How was it?"

"Were you gentle?"

"Did you use a rubber?"

"How about those ta-tas?"

"Is she a moaner? I bet she's a moaner..."

Rabid questions came flying at me from left and right. What the hell? What am I supposed to say? I stood dumbfounded as the questions bounced off of me, the other guys in the class getting more and more annoyed. I saw Taniguchi's grinning face at the back of the mob. Goddamn him.

This is insanity. I tried to make my way through the small crowd back to my seat. Okabe-sensei came into the room and broke up the party, one of the few times I was actually glad to see him. I slumped down in my chair, as I realized Haruhi was not sitting in the seat behind me. Hm, maybe she went home. I also saw that Koizumi was gone as well. Weren't they both here earlier?

The rest of the day proceeded with whispers following me everywhere. I hung my head low so people couldn't see my face. Needless to say, I did not visit the Literature Club room after school.

I sighed as I looked at my digital clock.

9:45 PM.

I should go to sleep soon.

I flipped my phone open, and stared at the wallpaper. It was a photo of me and a smiling Asahina-san, my arm around her, my other arm protruding out of the picture, I assume to hold the phone to take the picture. She looked so happy. There was no worry in her face at all. Sigh. Why do I just have to ruin everything?

Just then my door flung open as my sister came bounding in, carrying Shamisan.

"Kyon-kun! Shami wants to sleep with you! He's so cute!"

She tossed the furball onto my bed sheets and quickly exited the room. That was a brief visit for her, I didn't even get to tell her to knock before entering.

Sigh.

I looked into Shamisan's eyes as he returned my gaze. My hand reached up and began scratching him behind his ears.

"What in the world should I do Shamisan..."

"Isn't it obvious?"

My hand froze as my eyes enlarged. I had just heard the familiar melodic tenor voice I had heard last year when I first had found this cat. Did Shamisan just talk again? What?

I recoiled and scrunched up against the wall next to my bed.

"Shamisan? You can talk?"

"Yes."

He replied and stared at me, cocking his head a bit to his left. He didn't seem to think it was that big of a deal. Don't act so casual! Wait, I'm yelling at a cat.

I was a little too shocked at this point to do anything. I could only sit in that uncomfortable pose and look at him, as he looked back. The ticking of the wall clock became noticeable.

He repeated what he had said again,

"Isn't it obvious?"

His gaze was piercing through me, his voice sounded all business. I was a little intimidated.

"Um... what?"

"What you should do. It's obvious."

Oh? Because I have no idea.

"12 days ago. Last Friday."

What? How do you know about last Friday? I pictured the bookmark in my head. 7 days. Nagato had to have been referring to that Friday.

"W-why last Friday..."

I noticed the shrill tone in my voice.

"Do you know what happened last Friday?"

Um. No…

"You confessed to Asahina Mikuru."

Shamisan's face had not changed at all. I was having a discussion with a cat. And now he was telling me about my love life.

"I confessed to Asahina-san?"

"Yes."

He turned his head down and began to lick his paw. I looked around the room to make sure there was no one else here, like a ventriloquist in my closet. I then crawled forward to get closer to Shamisan, so I could whisper.

"Shamisan, how do you know this?"

"I just do. I know quite a bit more than you."

Usually, I would be extremely annoyed that a cat was insulting me, but this is good now. Information was good. I needed help.

"Just how much is that, Shamisan?"

"Let me say this. This time plane was split off from the old one because of the termination of Nagato Yuki. Because everyone's memories would be changed, Nagato Yuki took the liberty of changing the reality to fit how she thought you would be most happy. She believed that this was how you wished you're life to be. They could not alter your memory completely though, there were disturbances in correlation transfers and data dumps of brain matter."

I felt like I was talking to Nagato herself. Shamisan still looked down, and paused to lick his other paw.

"Because of this, you were able to remember her."

But, how do you know all this then, why isn't your memory reset?

"That is due to Nagato Yuki as well. Unbeknownst to the Integrated Sentient Data Entity, Nagato Yuki made sure my memory was not altered, and also gave me an understanding of what was happening. I believe she left me intact in case this very situation happened. She is giving you a chance."

A chance…

Shamisan walked in a small circle on my bed, patting down his territory. He paused for a moment after making 2 full circles, and then lowered his body to a laying position, while resting his head on his paws. His eyes closed.

"Wait, Shamisan. Does that mean… you know how to get her back? You know how to make everything go back to normal?"

He didn't move for about 10 seconds. Don't tell me you're sleeping you lazy feline.

Then his small cat lips moved.

"Yes."

I raised myself up from my hunched over position, and stared ahead at nothing in particular. All this time, I was looking for someone who could give me an answer, who could help me. And all this time, it was my cat. I had to look no where but at home.

Nagato had made sure that if I wanted to get her back, that it was possible. She even went over the head of her alien bosses.

I looked down at the resting cat. He was so relaxed, yet this information was so important. His demeanor was certainly helping me not to freak out.

"Shamisan…"

He didn't answer.

"Shamisan…"

"What?"

This time he answered gruffly, and immediately. I seemed to be intruding upon his sleep. Wake up, this is important.

"What do I need to do to get her back?"

He opened one of his eyes halfway to look at me.

"Didn't I say it was obvious?"


	8. Chapter 8: Patzen

So the rest of the conversation went like this.

At the time, I was still completely baffled that I was receiving all this information from my cat. It was a lot to swallow, and I had even more to think about now, knowing that this time plane was customized to my supposed taste. Nagato is looking out for me once again. I just wish I could look out for her. She was always there for me, and this is my chance to save her.

The image of a confused Nagato entered my head. She doesn't know what's happening to her. All she can do is scribble away in her diary, and try to suppress her emotions to seem as normal as possible. She then thinks up those dream states. And… invites me into them. Are those dream states the reality that Nagato prefers? She was able to be herself in there, without her mechanized personality, with just her true emotions showing. There was no data or programs or anything, it was just us. It was us down to the core, the most pure sense of reality. And it was the most comfortable I had ever been. Nagato…

I will get her back! Whatever it takes!

Shamisan looked at me through his half closed eyes. I don't know what his deal was, he seemed to always be sleeping, couldn't he just stay awake for this time to help me?

He had said it was obvious, but to me, it was still a mystery. And I felt that even though it may be obvious, the process would be extremely complicated and probably put me through hell. I just had this feeling, y'know? It was like my sixth sense. Or maybe because whenever something like this happened, there was always some complicated roundabout way of figuring it out. It's never just something simple.

I was done messing around, as my anxiety level was intensifying. Shamisan was treating this like it was nothing. And the mere fact that he was my cat, and he was getting the best of me, really pissed me off.

"Shamisan, can you cut the crap? Wake up, look me in the face, and tell me what the hell I need to do."

He did nothing but nonchalantly close both of his eyes, beginning to breathe deeply.

"Shamisan!"

I did not yell too loud because I didn't want my sister running in here. I wonder if she knows he can talk in this time plane.

"No, she doesn't. Yuki Nagato gave me the ability to talk again, but it must be kept secret so as not to disturb the flow of time, due to yours and my memories intertwining through different time data and realities."

Still he had his eyes closed. Still his head rested on his paws. Ok, what am I doing? He's a cat.

I reached my arms out and clutched the little furball by the sides. He did not show shock but merely slid his eyes halfway open again, as if he were letting out a sigh, or was executing a facepalm expression.

I lifted him up to stare straight into my face, so he could see how serious I'd gotten.

"Shamisan, tell me right now what I need to do to get Nagato back, or else."

His gaze returned mine.

"You think threatening a cat will get you anywhere?"

Sigh. I guess not. It's just, why can't you help me? It doesn't seem like you're here for any reason other to help, yet you're making this as painful as possible.

"Just trying to make you relax. You're going to have to be able to relax under extreme circumstances if you want to survive."

Well, it's stressing me out if anything.

"Fine, if you put me down I'll tell you."

Finally.

I set him down gently next to my pillow and looked on him with eagerness.

"Okay, just relax. As I'm sure you are already guessing, you need to go back in time to 12 days ago, when you confessed to Asahina Mikuru. The time should be around 4 in the afternoon. At this time, Asahina Mikuru will be in the clubroom. 'You' will enter and nervously confess to her."

I'm an awkward fool in this time plane as well. Got it.

"Asahina Mikuru will be overjoyed. She will accept 'your' confession and then hug 'you'. She will then turn her head towards 'you'. The exact moment that she kisses 'you' for the first time is the moment Nagato Yuki split the time planes and created your ideal world."

Wow. This really is tailored to be like my dreams, I'm sure I've had one like that before. But there is an ending, involving more intimate gestures than just kissing, and I would rather not mention it here, even though our whole school gets the jist of it by now.

Ok...ok... so I go back to that moment, then what?

"You wanna take a guess?"

Uhh, no. Once again Shamisan, I'm clueless. Just tell me.

"Sigh. What is the one thing in this time plane that always ensures that the 'you' of this time plane will be happy?"

Well, I have no idea, I have not been happy in this time plane at all. All I have been is confused, tired, grief-stricken and slapped in the face.

"Not you, the 'you' from this time plane. Think."

...

Nothing. I couldn't think of anything.

"Asahina Mikuru."

He said Asahina-san's name as he continued to look at me, trying to urge me on. It was a Koizumi like gaze. I felt I was talking to a person with Nagato's mannerisms, Koizumi's flare and Haruhi's temper.

"The you of this time plane loved Asahina Mikuru very much. Nagato Yuki made sure of that. But she also made sure that the Asahina Mikuru of this time plane loved you deeply as well. The Asahina Mikuru of this time plane cannot control her love for you, no matter what she does, because Nagato Yuki has programmed the data that way."

I was held speechless for a moment. It's the kind of speechlessness you get when someone unexpected gives you a compliment, and you just bask in the aura of pride it gives you.

"You must interfere with 'your' confession to Asahina Mikuru, you have to make sure 'you' do not ask her to go out with you. Most importantly, you have to make sure 'you' do not kiss her."

Well, that shouldn't be too hard. I can just go back in time and jump on 'them', and tell them they cannot be together. They should understand, right?

My eyes then lit up. Wait, that's it? That seems way too easy!

"Hold on, that's step one."

I let out a soft groan as my eyes rolled upwards.

"Do you want to hear step two or not?"

Yeah yeah, continue. Sorry to interrupt you my little Prince.

He gave me a glare.

"Secondly, what else has changed in this time plane from the last?"

Umm, wait. Let me think.

...

Shamisan's brow went into an S shape.

Haruhi! She's way different, and she likes me in this time plane too!

"You are right about one thing, that she is different. You must go to Haruhi Suzumiya's apartment. There you will find something."

...

Yeah, and?

"And that's all I know."

What? I leaned back in surprise. What do you mean that's all you know?

"Like I said. Nagato Yuki has not given me the information needed to complete the time cohesion act. The last order is that you must go to that apartment, where you will find something. She has said that you should know what to do."

Great. Once again, I realize I have no confidence in myself, since I have had no idea what to do for the past 12 days, or at any point in this time plane. The best thing I did was accidentally talk to my cat.

Nonetheless, I let out a sigh of relief. I finally knew what it took. I finally knew how to get Nagato back. And it seems slightly simple. There were no keys or computer programs or Asahina-san Bigs or anythin-

Wait! I have to go back in time. Asahina-san usually takes me back in time. And currently, she hates me. How am I supposed to get her to take me back in time if A) she is freaked out by me anyway and B) she wouldn't do anything for me since I had accidentally and unknowingly spread the story of her deflowering to the whole school.

"Were you listening?"

What? Wait, was I talking out loud?

Ignoring my confusion, he shook his head and repeated himself, like he kept having to do.

"Were you listening?"

Um, yeah, I think.

"No, because then you wouldn't be wondering about that problem."

How do you know what I'm thinking?

"Asahina Mikuru loves you, no matter what, remember? She may be indifferent toward you on the outside, but deep down she loves you and wants to be with you. So no matter how badly you screw up - and you did screw up - she will still love you and do anything for you. You just have to make sure she is comfortable and thinks you are the real Kyon that she fell in love with."

I once again was stuck in that silence, thinking of how awesome I must be to have Asahina-san be madly in love with me.

"Programmed."

Shut up! Just let me have this little moment. The thought occurred to me again, that Nagato had adapted this world pretty well to make me happy. Haruhi didn't make any trouble, and shouldn't be mean to me if she likes me. Asahina-san is intensely in love with me so I'll finally have the love I show for her returned to me, fully proving my dreams to be right in their predictions. I could just sit back and enjoy what I've always pictured to be my ideal High School existence. The sort of stuff I daydream about in the middle of class instead of listening. If I wanted it so bad, why didn't I take it? It was given to me on a silver platter. Why am I so conflicted then?

An image then flashed in my mind. Water. Black water. I could see myself in the water. My reflection was dim, in it I was not smiling. My face showed creased lines, as my outward appearance represented my inner feelings, those of despair. A shrine. Is it my fault? I could have ended it. Why end it? Despair. Despair.

Hold on. I had thought about this before. There was no way I could be happy without Nagato. Especially after what had happened in the past 12 days, what she had shown me… about herself…

The various synthetic sounds drifted into the air from my phone as I dialed Asahina-san's number.

Ringing...

Click. Hi! This is Mikuru! Leave me a message!

Sigh. Man. I really hope she isn't ignoring my calls.

"Asahina-san, listen, it's me Kyon. I... uh, I'm... I-I'm sorry about what happened.. and... c-can we talk sometime? C-call me..."

I stopped abruptly as I trailed off. My peripheral vision caught the sight of a smiling Cheshire cat. Shamisan was snickering at me.

"What's so funny?"

"That message. Listen, if you're going to get anything done, you'll have to take initiative. You need to think and act like the Kyon from this time plane. It will certainly put Asahina Mikuru's mind at ease. Press 7, and re-record your message."

I did as I was told and softly touched the key with my thumb.

"Now, this time, actually sound like you are sorry. Really, you did actually hurt her. Mean it this time. Call her Mikuru. And at the end, tell her that you love her."

My face went red as I looked away from Shamisan. The beeping to start the message sounded in my ear, but I couldn't talk.

"What's wrong?"

I then turned back to him. He really did not realize how difficult this was for me.

"I can't concentrate! How am I supposed to say something like that?"

"You want her back don't you? And I don't mean Asahina Mikuru."

I averted my gaze away from his stone cold demeanor. His response had come right away. He was right again. This was all for Nagato.

"7. Do it again."

"Fine! Just… can you leave? It's embarrassing."

"I'll leave for now, but you need to get used to the feeling. Remember, you have to be like the Kyon from this time plane. That means Asahina-Mikuru _IS_ your girlfriend. And you _DO_ love her."

He hopped off my bed gracefully and excited the room, propping the door open with his nose on the way out. He would probably be back.

Just then I heard the beeping sound. Ok, here goes.

"Mikuru, it's me, Kyon. I called to say I'm really, really sorry about what happened at school today. The only reason I told someone was because, well, I was too excited, and I needed to let someone know. That was the best time I had ever had with anyone, and I'm glad it was with you Mikuru. It was a dumb move to tell it to Taniguchi, I know. But I hope you can forgive me for it, and we can continue to see each other. I promise to keep any secrets we share from now on, and I promise nothing like that will ever happen again. You'll always be safe with me Mikuru. You can always count on me, to be comforted, to be there for you. Please, just forgive me for it. And Mikuru..."

...My heart skipped a beat as I licked my lips involuntarily.

"I love you."

Click.

I sighed and fell back onto my bed, my head landing against the pillow. Wow. That was a grade A lie. I'm actually really proud of myself for being able to do that. But what Shamisan said worried me. And not just because it was a talking cat who said it to me. I need to be like the Kyon from this time plane, so Asahina-san will help me. For some reason, it was hard to do, hard to even think of. If this was a month before, I'm sure I would light up at the chance to pretend to be Asahina-san's boyfriend. But, things have… transpired in the past few days. The past 12 days. My feelings of desire have shifted. To someone else. And for some reason, there was something in my unconscious that was blocking me from being able to say that stuff, or rather, making it difficult. I'm starting to think I know though. The bench. The beach. The sand. The snow. Nagato. My heart could not betray what it had felt that night… in that dream that was so real.

I looked toward the ceiling as Nagato's image came into my mind again. I had gone pretty long without seeing her for real, or hearing her voice. Too long. I wanted to get her back soon. Nagato. Back to normal. Normal. That's all you want. That's all you deserve. That's all that should happen. And that's all that will.

"Kyon-kun! Shami! Wake up!

My sister crashed through the door loudly and jumped on me with the force of an Olympic pole-vaulter. He tiny arms went straight for the calico cat cushion, as they squeezed Shamisan to death. My eyes crept open as if they were glued shut with superglue. Or maybe a hot glue gun. Man that would hurt.

I turned over a few times while getting adjusted to the light. I stole a glance at the digital clock next to my bed.

7:02 AM.

I better hurry up.

I thought this languidly as I buried my face in my pillow. Just, like, 10 more minutes.

"Kyon-kun! C'mon! Let's get some breakfast! Shami is hungry! Yay Shami!"

She began parading Shamisan around like he was a puppet, holding his paws and wagging them back and forth, making him dance. I looked into his face. He wore an expression of eternal detestation, his brow sinking low over his eyes.

"Okay, okay, let me get up."

I began to struggle to move as I threw the covers off my bed and buried my head in my hands. My sister got up and, with Shamisan in arms, ran downstairs, loudly proclaiming that we would be having eggs and toast for breakfast.

I got dressed in a few minutes of acclimating to the morning air and went downstairs. Breakfast was good. Better than usual. I have no idea why. I started to get a little nervous about my day. Today I would have to hope Asahina-san forgives me, even though Shamisan says it's a sure thing. Then I have to ask her to take me back in time, in which there is no guarantee that she will do that either.

As I was grabbing my bag to walk out, I eyed Shamisan sitting by the door. I didn't want to say anything to him in case my sister was around. I opened the door and got half my body out into the fresh air before I heard the deep tenor voice.

"Good luck."

I turned back and nodded to him, and closed the door. Man, am I glad I kept him for a pet, he has really helped me out here. I'll be sure to give him some extra rationings of tuna when I get back home.

As I rode lazily to school on my bike, I stared at the sky. It was grey, but the sun peeked through it, giving the overall flow of the morning a sensation of melancholy. The sun was shining, yet it was hidden by the light grey clouds. It's the same feeling I have when the sun is shining but it is raining. It's like the world is saying what is happening shouldn't be happening. Perhaps there is someone up there watching what is happening right now, and judging my every move. Maybe it's the doing of Haruhi. I wonder what her closed space's are like in this time plane? She was pretty calm it seemed like. My mind went back to the night we spent in the school together, in the world Haruhi had created. What world would this Haruhi create? Would I be the only one to go with her again? Maybe it wouldn't be such a dark and scary place…

I averted my eyes back to the road and pedaled on.

The walk up the slope seemed shorter than usual. Perhaps it's because halfway up, my pocket began to vibrate.

I reached in without enthusiasm and looked at the incoming calls screen.

" Mikuru"

Gah! Yes! That's right! I was so thrilled to flip my phone open that I almost dropped it.

"H-hello?"

I must have sounded excited. Probably because I was.

"Hello? Kyon-kun? It's-"

"Mikuru!"

I interrupted her accidently, letting my enthusiasm out without thinking. Please let her forgive me. I pray to all the Gods there ever were. Just let this plan go smoothly.

"Eh... yes. It's me."

She didn't sound too happy.

"Did you get my message?"

"Er... yes."

"..."

I waited. C'mon... moment of truth...

"Did you really mean that all Kyon-kun?"

"Yes! Ah, I mean... yes. Of course I did M-Mikuru. It was just an accident anyway, I wouldn't have let it out so easy otherwise. I'm sorry again. Please forgive me."

I was apologizing for something I knowingly did, yet joked about doing when I thought I hadn't done what I was joking about. No wait. No, that's right. My head started spinning. This is just too much of an unhappy coincidence. I'll also have to remember to punch Taniguchi in the face.

"In that case...

I forgive you!"

The familiar cheerful Asahina-san tone came back, and my heart rose. Yes. That's one less person that is sad now. I imagined her face lighting up as that million watt smile beamed, her fairy like features each glowing.

"I'm so relieved you called Kyon-kun. I'm sorry Tsuruya-san hit you yesterday. I wanted to bend down and help you, but I was too angry. It was silly for me to get upset."

"No, don't worry Asah- I mean Mikuru. You were perfectly justified in getting upset, and I was perfectly justified in getting slapped. It was just a misunderstanding, and let's forget about it."

"I agree. Fufufu..."

I could almost see her joyful smile through the phone as she said this. I must have really taken a load off of her shoulders with that message.

"Mikuru, can I ask you something?"

"Sure Kyon-kun, anything."

"Can we meet somewhere right now? I want to talk to you."

Her voice was clearly startled and full of anxiety as she responded. I continued to walk up the slope slowly as I talked, not really paying attention to where I was going.

"Wha? B-but... right now?"

"Yeah... if you want."

"B-but... we have class."

Oh. Right. Damn, backtrack Kyon, backtrack.

"Oh, that's ok then, if you don't want to miss it."

Her voice was then filled with worry again.

"It's not that I don't want to be with you! It's just... we've skipped too much school together this past week..."

A wave of excitement went over me. Yet again, I was jealous of the other me in this timeplane. Skipping school and spending a whole day with Asahina-san? And even more than once? My God... that was the work of master story tellers.

Then the thought entered my mind again, taunting me.

You know, there's no need to be jealous. It could be you. You can just let it happen. This life was made for you, why not enjoy it?

But after about a second of thinking that, my real sense comes back. Because this is a hollow life without _her_, that's why.

Without Nagato...

"No, it's fine Mikuru. I agree, we should go to class. How about we talk at lunch, in the club room?"

"Sure! I'll make certain to be there as soon as the chime rings!"

"Thanks Asah-... Mikuru."

"Kyon-kun... love you."

My lips trembled.

"Love you... Mikuru..."

I hung up and sighed as I looked up the hill leading to North High. I only had a little way left to go to get there.

I entered the 5th classroom of the 2nd years as normal as possible. I felt the stares of my fellow classmates, and even heard a few soft gasps of some of the girls as I passed by them. The secret was still fresh in everyone's minds I see. Haruhi was not in the seat in the rear next to the window. Is she not here again?

As I sat down, I saw a familiar duo of North High students approaching me.

"Yo Kyon!"

"Hey Kyon."

Taniguchi and Kunikida greeted me.

"Well, look who it is. Big mouth himself. You know I told that to you as a joke, right Taniguchi? It got me in heaps of trouble with Asahina-san. You don't know how much I want to wail on your face right now."

He stepped back a little, to create some room between us in case I decided to jump out at him right then and there. He then put on that stupid Taniguchi grin.

"Yo, Kyon, my man, I gotta say... sorry about that. It's just, I told them I knew something, and they just kept bugging me, and bugging me."

Sounds familiar.

"But that was actually a joke Kyon? I told Taniguchi it was a bad idea to have let it out."

Kunikida gave me a sincere look. I bet you were right there egging him on.

"Sigh... does it matter? If you must know, it wasn't a joke, but you guys still shouldn't talk about it, okay?"

"Okay Kyon, but one more thing. Tell me this truthfully, and I won't bug you..."

...

"Does the carpet match the drapes?"

"_GET OUT OF HERE!"_

The school day went on with me staring unfocused at the front of the classroom, while all throughout the day people pointed at me and whispered, their hands cupped next to their mouths. Who would have thought this would be such a big scandal? We are going out right? Is the Asahina fan club behind this or something?

The oh so awaited chime signaled it was time to stop the madness in the classroom and proceed with the madness of lunch. The class slowly got up as I laid my head on my hands, barely awake. I let the guys leave the classroom before I exited, so none of them would talk to me and ask me more questions.

I walked the familiar route to the clubroom. It felt good, relaxing, comforting. It added a sense of normalcy. But all the craziness around me quickly exterminated that feeling.

I knocked softly on the clubroom door as I clutched the doorknob.

"Yes?"

The sound of the sweet angel of North High came through the hard wood. I took a deep breath as I opened the barrier from the real world to a world filled with time travelers, aliens and espers. This door was quite the door.

Asahina-san cutely sat on a foldable chair and smiled warmly as I entered. I took a quick glance at the corner out of habit. There was no chair, and no books around anywhere, except the small bookcase that was there even before we went to this school. And there was especially no Nagato sitting there. I couldn't avoid the twinge in my heart.

Ok, focus!

Asahina-san lightly leaped up and threw herself on me, her arms caressing the back of my neck. I felt her chest pressing against me.

So much for focus.

"Kyon-kun, I was so worried. It's good to see you again. I'm sorry about what happened."

I couldn't help but blush, and stand awkwardly with her hanging off of me.

"I...I-it's okay Asah-... I mean Mikuru."

She turned her head, and with her eyes closed, delicately kissed my cheek. I almost fainted on the spot. She then softly said,

"Let's never let anything like that happen again, ok?"

Wait, the sex or the secret getting out?

Gah! Nevermind, not the time to think about that.

She let me go and turned her back to me to sit down.

"What did you want to talk about Kyon-kun?"

I still stood in the same position, slightly taken aback, my mouth hanging open, and my cheeks blushing.

There was so much cuteness floating about my head that I almost drowned in it. Her movements were like those of a fairy tale princess. They would melt any man's brain and turn him into her own toy puppet.

I slowly regained consciousness as she watched me questioningly.

"Uh..."

I looked around the room. Where do I start?

Shamisan's voice went through my head.

"You have to think and act like the 'you' of this time plane."

How am I supposed to do that, but also ask her to time travel? That would freak her out too much. Think Kyon! What advantages do you have in this situation?

...

My eyes made another sweep across the room, and finally stopped on Asahina-san's stunning face and gorgeous figure, sitting silently, waiting for me to say something. She looked intently at me. I got it.

"Asah-... Mikuru, you know what I was just thinking of?"

She lifted her index finger to the corner of her mouth.

"No, what were you thinking about?"

"Remember when I confessed to you?"

She smiled as she closed her eyes.

"Of course I do Kyon-kun. I was so happy that day."

"M-me too Mikuru. In fact, I wish we could relive that day."

I walked to the other side of the room and pulled a foldable chair over next to her. I took her hands and looked into her eyes.

"That would be so romantic to see that again, don't you think?"

She blushed, as I'm sure I was too. Her hands were so soft and warm. The feel of her skin was like caressing a silk pillow filled with the most beautiful and exquisite feathers in the world.

"Y-yes, that would be wonderful Kyon-kun."

She looked into my eyes, as I purposefully turned my head up, as if in thought.

"If only there were, some way we could... you know... travel through time to see it again. Right?"

She was taken aback a bit as she let my hands go. Her face was slightly conflicted. It seems her strict orders would probably be against this. But I was banking on one thing.

Shamisan told me that this Asahina-san loved me deeply. She would do anything for me. I'm sure if I requested this, she would do her best to do it. It's almost as if I had control over this relationship as well as mine with Haruhi now. It sure was great being loved.

She furrowed her brow and stood up, pacing away from me to the other side of the room. I continued...

"Wouldn't it be great if we could just somehow go back and see the looks on our faces? We could sit there and watch it like it was a movie starring us."

"K-Kyon-kun. I...I could take us back..."

My anxiety lifted, as my eyes glimmered.

"You can! That's great Asah-... Mikuru! It should be fun, just the two of us."

She turned and gave me a feeble smile, not looking at me.

"Y-yeah... it should be... f-fun..."

I walked over to her and hugged her.

"Thank you Mikuru, it would mean a lot to me."

Now it was her turn to receive the hug, but not give one back. She continued to recoil a bit and carry a look of extreme anxiety.

I released her, and as I held her hands, said,

"When shall we go?"

She still had not looked at me. This must be really hard for her to decide. After all, time travel is her main objective in her life. For me to trump it...

Her small voice came out.

"W...w-when d-do y-you want to?"

"How about as soon as we can. After school?"

She took a step backward and finally looked at me in the eyes.

"But we have a Club meeting, right?"

"Uh..."

I had forgotten about the SOS... club.

"Well, I didn't see Haruhi in class today, so I assume we don't need to be here."

Her eyes showed a bit of shock.

"She was gone again?"

"Um, yeah."

Asahina-san began to mumble to herself, looking toward the ground. Finally, she let out a response, just the one I had been waiting for.

"O-ok, after school."

"I'll call you, ok? Thanks Mikuru, for doing this. I'm sorry again for yesterday."

I said this as I began to leave. Am I forgetting something yet again?

"Kyon-kun!"

She said my nickname with a sense of urgency as I turned toward her. She was now completely facing me as I was almost out the door.

"...I...I love you. Bye."

I blushed again. Remember. All of this is for a reason, for a person. For Nagato. I took a breath.

"Yeah. I love you too... Mikuru."

I returned her weak smile as I closed the door on her. It only occurred to me after I had started walking back to class 2-5 that I should have walked her back to her classroom. But then again, I didn't want to run into Tsuruya-san and her Herculean strength.

As I sat in class, a nagging feeling kept watch over my errant attention span. It was a bad feeling, like I had done something wrong. Like the feeling you would have after stealing something of great value.

I was able to pinpoint the feeling about halfway through class. When I did, I let out an audible gasp that made everyone turn around and look at me.

"Sorry."

I buried my face in my desk to avoid their eyes. I knew what this feeling was.

I had basically just taken advantage of Asahina-san. I used her. I extorted her. I used her love for me to get me what I wanted, which will ultimately mean she won't ever see me again. Asahina-san was only going against her superiors because she loved me, and she thought I truly did want to go back and see my confession to her. She really thought I wanted to be with her She didn't know the purpose of the trip was going to be to merge my time plane back and get the real world back to normal. What would happen to this Asahina-san? Will she just be tragically lost forever? I felt horrible. I was going to break her heart. There was only one person she would do something for against her bosses, and that was me. And I was using her.

I put my head in my hands. Okay, calm down, calm down. This isn't the real Asahina-san.

But I touched her! She was warm! She said she loved me!

But this isn't where we belong. This is necessary to get back to normal.

But why must I destroy her to get what I want? Why must I make everyone else sad to make myself happy?

You want to see _her_ again, right?

…

Right?

Of course! But why can't I just do it without having to destroy this Asahina-san's life? When she realizes why I went back in time with her, she will surely have a mental break down.

It is necessary. Asahina-san will be there when everything is back to normal.

But what about in this time plane? Will there be another Kyon? Or will she wander around looking for me forever?

Who knows…

"That's bullshit!"

Again everyone was looking at me. I was standing, my hands clenched, ready to pound on my desk. I had just yelled that last line out in the middle of class.

"Kyon! Take a seat! If you need to go see the nurse, go. But otherwise, stop disrupting the class."

"Sorry sensei."

Oh man, how embarrassing. The last thing I need is for people to have more of a reason to think badly about me.

I hastily packed my things into my bag as the chime rung for the end of the day. I zipped out of the room before anyone could ask me what that disturbance was all about. My pace to the Old Block was either a fast walk or a slow jog.

I didn't know what to expect as I opened the door, but I know that I didn't expect Asahina-san to be there yet. I threw my bag on the table, and began to wait for her. I took a glance around and noticed the tea kettle on the stove. It might be a nice gesture to make tea for Asahina-san for a change. I got up to go heat the stove but as I did the fairy herself walked into the room.

"Oh! You're here already!"

She looked very surprised.

"Yeah, haha. I guess I was excited."

She placed her bag on the desk, looking gloomily at the floor.

"W-well, do you still want to go?"

"For sure..."

She sighed and continued to study the floor in front of her.

"Okay... please sit down and close you're eyes."

I walked over to a foldable chair. I knew the routine. This had happened how many times before? My eyes closed on their own as I studied the blackness they created.

"R-ready?"

Asahina-san sounded really nervous. Suddenly, my head began to spin as the familiar feeling of being tossed around in a weightless space shuttle came over me. I was not as adverse to it this time, because I was glad I was going back this time. My body felt like it had been shot out of one of those cannons at the circus, and it was flailing through the air. Right before I felt I was going to hit the ground, the feeling began to slowly seep off of me. I felt the chair beneath me again, as I slowly opened my eyes. We were in the clubroom. I looked at the clock on the wall.

3:51 PM.

Great. Shamisan said approximately 4 PM would be when it happens. He also said Asahina-san would already be here, but she was not.

I looked over my shoulder to see the Asahina-san from 13 days ahead standing next to me. Her anxiety seemed to be leaving her, as a small smile came over her face.

"We're okay..."

I got up and hugged her.

"Yes we are. Thank you Asah-... Mikuru."

"Kyon-kun, this is the first time I've time traveled for fun, for myself. Without a mission."

You might not have a mission, but I do.

"Shall we hide to watch, Asah-... Mikuru? 'You' should be arriving soon right? You were here before me."

"Yes, let's go over to the corner behind the broom closet and bookcase."

She pointed me to a spot where we could see what was going on, but the people in the room could not see us. The Asahina-san of this time shouldn't see us, or else it might be trouble. But 'she' would be seeing me, when I disrupted her first kiss. I had a job to do here.

I heard the door click and open as we watched the cute Asahina-san of 13 days ago enter the room. I could see there was no cosplay wardrobe. Curses, that means she won't have to change. No wait, the Asahina-san of 13 days ahead would be right next to me, so it would be embarrassing. No wait, I had seen the Asahina-san that was next to me naked before, we slept together, right? I mean, not me, but... ah nevermind. It's too complicated.

I waited as I watched the Asahina-san clad in her school sailor outfit go and turn the stove on, warming the water for tea. She stared at it for a minute or so, seemingly in thought. After that, she turned to the door, and just as she did, the sound of a knock filled the room.

"Yes?"

The door opened and I saw myself timidly enter the room. There was something different about this guy's face than the one I see in the mirror every morning, though. I studied his, er, 'my' face to see that there was much more confidence in it. This version of me had the guts to confess to Asahina-san. He generally seemed happier than me. But right now, I could see the nervousness in his face and the way he moved.

"Asahina-san, I wanted to talk to you."

"What is it Kyon-kun?"

The 13 days ago Asahina-san cutely turned towards the 13 days ago me. 'I' looked directly into her eyes, and coming closer, 'I' took her hands.

"Over the past few days, I've realized something about you. Asahina-san, you are beautiful, you are nice, and you're the most wonderful girl I have ever met. I feel that having been with you, I can truly say I have fallen for you. I love you!"

The me of 13 days ago said this as he fell to one knee. What is he doing, proposing? I heard the Asahina-san from 13 days later next to me let out a sigh that seemed to say "Awwwww." I took a glance at her and noticed she was watching closely with a small smile on her face. She was remembering how she felt.

The 13 days ago Asahina-san just stood there, before she let out a "Kyon-kun..."

'I' then proceeded to say as 'I' looked up at her from my kneeling position:

"Please be my girlfriend!"

The 13 days ago Asahina-san then gasped and took a step back. I couldn't see her face, only the look on the face of 'me' from 13 days ago. 'I' was eagerly awaiting an answer, 'my' gaze fixated on her.

"Oh! Yes! Yes! Kyon-kun!"

She then jumped down to her knees and hugged me. This is it. Shamisan said that we kissed after this. There is no time to watch. I must act. Before the Asahina-san next to me could do anything, I leapt out from behind the cabinet and bookcase.

"No! Asahina-san!"

I yelled as I leaped toward 'us', my hand outstretched, in an attempt to make a grab.

I then felt my body jerk. I saw a hand clutched my wrist violently as it swung me around, throwing me into the table into the middle of the room. My body hit the chairs with a hard thud as I collapsed like a rag doll. I heard the simultaneous gasps of both Asahina-sans.

What had just happened? My heroic outpour of passion toward the kneeling couple was interrupted, and I was thrown away. This can't be happening! It's ruining everything! What happened? Who was it? Who did this?

I then heard a voice.

"Can't let you do that Kyon."


	9. Chapter 9: World My Own

I blinked a couple times.

My whole plan that was supposed to be easy and simple was just derailed by someone. This was not supposed to go this way. I am supposed to be the hero. This is the one time where I actually get to save someone. Not just anyone, but Nagato. And myself. I'm the one who could get us back to our time plane, to our reality, and make everything better.

Let's go over what just happened. I came back in time to disrupt the first kiss shared by Asahina-san and me in this time plane, which is the first step to fusing the time planes back together according to Shamisen. As 'I' confessed and 'she' accepted, they embraced and were about to kiss. I jumped out from my hiding spot with the Asahina-san from 13 days later to try and stop what was happening. Try being the operative word there. Then, someone came out of no where and threw me away, my body smashing into the table and chairs in the center of the room. Their words bounced off the inside of my head.

"Can't let you do that Kyon."

I tried to focus as I felt my lower back, accompanied by my side, throbbing. I lifted my hand up to rub my eyes. The mistiness lifted so I could see the trim figure of the person standing in front of me, the person that had interfered and thrown me aside. That person saw me finally look at them, and said,

"Sorry Kyon, but I can't let this happen."

There I sat, the chairs toppled over, and the table askew. I could see both Asahina-sans with their hands over their mouths, their eyes as wide as the vast Pacific Ocean. Even the 'me' from 13 days ago held the same expression that I myself did right now, one of pure surprise, with my mouth hanging open.

I struggled to get my words out, trying to say "why?" as I noticed it was harder with the searing pain in my abdomen, but no sound would escape my lips. I saw the person standing in front of me turn to the kneeling couple.

"Kiss him."

They looked at the person in surprise. An order from an individual who just came out of nowhere, hurled a guy across the room, and now looked coldly at them.

"Do it. Kiss him."

The Asahina-san from 13 days ago slowly turned her head towards the me of 13 days ago. 'He' stared into her eyes. She then started to lean toward his face.

"No! Stop!"

I reached my hand out toward them, in the same fashion a police officer would when he is directing traffic. Somehow, I had gained the ability of speech again.

"You can't!"

I jumped to my feet, and began to rush over to them. I felt the wiry hand of the person who stopped me from before jab into my chest. I stopped, and looked down at my rumpled North High uniform. My eyes then followed down to the person's fingers, and across their hand and up their arm, until I saw the face of the agitator.

A handsome smiling face looked back at me.

"Koizumi..."

"Kyon, you can't go any further."

He brought his other arm up and shoved me backward with the full force of his body weight. I crashed hard onto the wood paneling of the floor as I heard both of the Asahina-sans gasp again, this time along with the me from 13 days ago. What was going on? Why was Koizumi interfering with this? And more importantly, why was he here? This isn't what Shamisan said would happen at all.

I looked at his face. He wore a smile, but it was one of the most twisted smiles I had ever seen. It was like someone took the Koizumi smirk and gave it to a serial killer. His eyes narrowed onto my face as he continued to grin.

I then glanced over at the Asahina-san from 13 days ahead. She had tears in her eyes, as her gaze darted from Koizumi to me and back to Koizumi.

He turned his body back to the 13 days ago Asahina-san who still held the 13 days ago me in her arms.

"Do it. Kiss him. And make it passionate."

Wait a second. These two people from the past would know Koizumi, right? Koizumi had said I talked to him about confessing. So why did they look at him as if they had never seen this person before? I tried to struggle to get up, but Koizumi placed his foot on my chest. The sole of his shoe grinded into my sternum.

"Ow! S-stop! No! D-don't!"

"Relax Kyon, there's nothing you can do now."

I turned my head to the side, and watched in horror as the sailor uniform clad Asahina-san from 13 days ago again turned back to the me from 13 days ago. They both had looks of fright in their eyes. I'm sure this is not what they envisioned their first kiss to be like. I hadn't envisioned it like this at all when I dreamed of it back in my time plane. The petite Asahina-san leaned in. Just as she did, I heard a high pitched shout.

"No!"

"oof!"

The pressure on my chest lifted off of me, as I saw the dark figure of Koizumi's North High uniform fall over to the side. What? More surprises?

I lifted my head to see the Asahina-san from 13 days later panting heavily, with tears coming down her cheeks, a look of intensity in her eyes. She had just shoved Koizumi off of me. I heard the 13 days ago Asahina-san cry out.

Now everyone in the room wore the look of disbelief, including me, the two young lovers, and Koizumi, as he lay over next to me near the table. The only one who didn't was Asahina-san, as she kneeled down next to me. Her face changed to a look of heavenly concern.

"Kyon-kun... are you alright?"

I didn't say anything as I just stared back into her face.

She got up and put back on her intense look, as she thrust her index finger toward the shocked esper lying next to me.

"This is not supposed to be how this went! I don't know where you came from Koizumi-kun, or how you got here, but you need to leave!"

All the while, small tears where coming from her eyes.

Koizumi shook himself off, and slowly got up. His gentle smile came back to him. He brushed his blazer in a dramatic fashion.

"Well. I didn't expect to see you here Asahina-san. It's too bad. I wouldn't have wanted you to see me do this."

"I don't care! Just leave!"

"Not until those two over there,"

He pointed to the two North High students, still in each other's arms, kneeling.

"Kiss each other."

"No. They cannot be forced to kiss each other! If Kyon-kun doesn't want them to, then I won't let you make them do it!"

I was astonished. Let's take this from Asahina-san's point of view. She had come back in time, her first time she ever time traveled for pleasure, challenging the authority of her superiors. She wanted to see 'my' confession, because she thought it would be a romantic scene. Everything is going according to plan until I jump out and disturb the scene. Koizumi then comes out of no where and throws me down. The whole scene is ruined in her eyes, and on top of that, she must realize that the time planes are messed up now, since 'we' saw the duplicates of ourselves from the future. She then infers that I don't want 'us' to kiss, so she takes initiative, and pretty much saves me by doing something Asahina-san would never do, something violent. Does that mean that every member of the SOS Brigade has saved me before? That's depressing… yet reassuring.

Asahina-san turned toward the two lovebirds. I don't know what's going through her head. This wasn't even a mission of hers and she was acting so passionately.

She walked toward 'us' as she softly put her hand on 'her' shoulder.

"Don't kiss him... please. Let him go."

The Asahina-san from 13 days ago did as she was told, rising to her feet as she left the me from 13 days ago kneeling on the floor. Koizumi hurried to the other side of the table.

"No, you have to kiss him Asahina-san. Don't listen to them. I know you want to kiss him, so go ahead and do it."

"No, don-"

The Asahina-san from 13 days later tried to yell, but Koizumi roughly shoved his hand over her mouth, and at the same time grabbed her body so she couldn't squirm away. I saw his fingers clench the tight waist of the sempai, his arms wrapped around her while his hand roughly applied pressure to her face. She tried to fight him, but he was too strong. He then turned back to the little 13 days ago Asahina-san.

"Now, do it."

She stared back at him as if she were staring at a school administrator striking fear into every student's heart. She had no idea what to do.

"Now!"

His yell frightened her, as she jumped back away from him. She fell to the ground and curled up into a ball, hugging her knees, as she started sobbing uncontrollably.

Now, you may be wondering what the hell I was doing at this time. I'm wondering that too. I was just laying there watching this transpire. I think I was still in shock from the whole escapade. I need to do something! Get up! Go help Asahina-san! It's now time for me to save her, it's now time for me to fix the time planes, and save Nagato!

Rage began to build up inside me as I saw that Koizumi was restraining Asahina-san in such a rough and crude manner. That bastard! No one touches her like that, no matter what!

I rose to my feet, and, eyeing Koizumi with the most deadly scowl I could, I slowly dragged my feet across the room. The only reason I didn't run was because my lower back ached terribly. He was facing away from me, with me boring a hole into him back with my eyes. His slender hands still held Asahina-san as she struggled to get away.

I had a little time to decide what the best course of action would be. I could do the same exact thing he was doing to Asahina-san, but to him, and then tell the 'me' from 13 days ago to run away. But Koizumi was stronger than me, and would shake me off. That esper douche.

I could crack him on the back of the head with some blunt object lying around here. But that wouldn't fly either, I don't want to risk missing and hitting Asahina-san.

I hastily decided to rush forward and try to rip him away form Asahina-san's body. I grabbed his arm that was over her mouth, and tore it away from her. I struggled with him as he turned around in sudden surprise. Koizumi released Asahina-san so he could turn all his attention to me. He lifted his other hand, and with a swift motion, one I didn't even see, he punched me across the side of my face. I fell hard to the floor again. But this time I wasn't shaken. I got back up and tried to hit Koizumi with my own right hook, but he just chuckled and dodged my fist gracefully, grabbing it as it went past him and shoving me down. My face felt like it shattered as it hit the floor. I let out a groan. Then I heard a crashing sound, one that didn't have to do with me, but what was going on around me. It was like the sound of a gong being hit. A really big gong. I turned my head over to see Koizumi's limp body on the floor. Asahina-san stood over him, her body heaving up and down. She clutched the tea pot in her hands, as her face turned toward me.

I looked back into her eyes. They were still full of moisture. The other Asahina-san was crying bitterly, and the other me still just sat on the ground, perplexed about what was going on around him. Asahina-san put the pot on the ground and came over to me, helping me up.

"Are you okay Kyon-kun?"

I took her hand and got up slowly. There was blood across my cheek, coming from my nose. I wiped at it with the back of my hand.

"Ow."

I involuntarily let out a yelp as my hand brushed my nose. I hope it isn't broken. Asahina-san led me over to the table. She picked up a chair and placed it upright. I sat on it and put my head in my hands. She went and got me some tissue. I looked at her as she handed me the box.

"Wipe your face Kyon-kun."

I did as she said, and then, as my main objective came back to my mind, I turned to the two students on the floor near the door.

"I'm sorry you had to see this happen. You can leave."

I then felt a twinge of regret in my heart. The me from 13 days ago began to get up slowly and walk toward the 13 days ago Asahina-san, who was still sobbing in the corner, just like she had after Haruhi made her get molested for that computer.

"Wait."

I got up and went over to them. I put my hands on the 13 days ago me's shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Listen. I want you to take care of this Asahina-san no matter what. Make sure to love her forever. Make sure she is never unhappy, and always be there for her. Can you do this?"

He stared at me, his eyes wide again, before he slowly nodded his head up and down.

"Once you wake up tomorrow, I want you to come back to her and say everything you said today again. Confess to her. Make her happy."

His head bobbed up and down again. I don't know why, but I felt compelled to say this to him. If everything went according to my plan, there would be no tomorrow for this time plane, as it would be fused back into mine. But just in case I screwed something up, or the flow of time got fixed and this me was still here, I wanted both him and the Asahina-san in this time plane to be happy.

He then went over the crying Asahina-san and helped her to her feet. They walked out of the clubroom together. I then turned my gaze to the body on the ground. Koizumi was unconscious.

"Asahina-san... I mean, Mikuru. We have to go. We have to go to Haruhi's apartment right now."

She looked up at me after having looked at Koizumi's head again. Her expression was one of a bit of shock, regret, and anxiety all brewed into one emotion. She wiped the tears from her face.

"W-why?"

"Because... because... I'll tell you… on the way there Asah-... Mikuru."

I went over to her and took her hand, as I led her out of the clubroom, making sure to close the door. There should be no more interferences.

The only way I could think of to get to Nagato's, er, Haruhi's apartment was to walk. It's pretty much the only route I knew. And I didn't want to alarm Asahina-san by telling her that we had to run. Besides, there's no hurry.

We got outside the North High complex, as the grey sky showered over us. A storm was imminent. We walked together, me supporting her a bit as she was still shocked from what had happened in the clubroom. There were so many questions left unanswered. We continued to walk in silence for some time, until we started to draw near to Nagato's - I mean, Haruhi's apartment. Just then Asahina-san's tiny voice came out from under my arm.

"Kyon-kun... why are we going to Suzumiya-san's apartment? You said you would tell me."

She seemed really reluctant to ask the question, as she didn't look at me but continued to look at the pavement as we walked over the tiny cracks. I wonder if she already has an idea as to what was going on.

I looked over my shoulder to the left and right. I noticed that we are right next to that magical park, where almost all of my time traveling adventures started. There was a bench adjacent to the outside of the park. I led her over to it and sat her down on it. Her body went limp as it hit the wood bench. She must be emotionally exhausted. It was amazing for Asahina-san to even be standing right now. I thought about it as I sat down too. Why did this Asahina-san act so differently? How did she have the strength to get away from Koizumi, and then the gusto to hit him over the head with the tea pot? The Asahina-san I knew wouldn't have done that in a million years. In fact, she would have been huddled together sobbing with the other Asahina-san that was in the room at the time. Where did she find this confidence? I strung my gaze around the scenery. We were sitting on a bench looking away from the park. A lone street lamp lit the area, as the street sprawled out in front of us. There were dark and tall buildings reaching up to the melancholy sky, as it stared down on anyone who may question what's up there. My gaze finally fell onto Asahina-san's saddened face. I looked into her eyes. There, above the tiny pools of wetness transforming into tears at the bottom of her eyes, was a small glint of light. It might have been my imagination, or subconscious. Either way, I think I knew what it was. I think I knew why she did all that stuff back in the clubroom. It was just as Shamisan had said. It was because she loved me. She would do anything for me. Her love for me gave her the confidence and stability to be able to put herself in blatant danger just to save me. She also interrupted her own desires to see our first kiss, just because that's what she assumed I wanted to happen. As I thought about this, my soul began to weep. I felt even more regret for what I'm doing right now. How in the world could I, the one guy in all of Japan who has worshipped Asahina-san the most, and been in contact with her the most, and gone on the most adventures with her, now reject her blind love she gives to me. She is completely devoted to me now, and I can't do anything but push her away and use her to get back to the time where she is unhappy and feels worthless. I could see that this Asahina-san did not feel worthless at all. The Asahina-san in my time plane revealed to me on that day we went to buy tea leaves and I saved that spectacled kid from the van, that she felt useless and worthless for the lack of knowledge that was granted to her by her superiors, which I knew to be herself, just older. But this Asahina-san was not concerned with that. It was easy to see now that this Asahina-san had two motives in life: Observe Haruhi and be with "Kyon-kun". And now I was about to wreck it all. I just wish there was some way to make this all go back to normal for everyone in every time plane. I looked at Asahina-san as she sniffled and wiped her tears, her eyes peering into mine. I took my hands and put them on her back to pull her into my chest. I hugged her softly, as I whispered to her.

"I'm sorry, Asahina-san."

She began her sobbing quietly again.

"The truth is, I am not the real Kyon. I'm not from this time plane. I only asked you to take me back so I could merge your time plane back into mine, and in the process, ruin your existence. I used you Asahina-san. I used you for my own gain, and I'm sorry."

Tears came to my own eyes as I held her in my arms. My one dream of being able to hold Asahina-san was nothing but a black shroud around my head now.

"Kyon-kun..."

She tried to talk through her tears and sobs, while directing her words into my chest.

"How... how... ho…"

She couldn't get it out and just gave up and started crying. I too could feel the warm salt water flowing down my cheeks, one by one, creating streaks of unhappiness, my face filled with discontent. We must have sat like that for about 5 minutes, and softly cried together.

Finally, her sobs began to grow further and further apart. I heard her angelic voice.

"K-Kyon-kun. W-w-why are we going t-to Suzumiya-san's apartment?"

I softly released her from my grip, so I could look in her eyes and say this to her,

"Asahina-san, the last step to merge the time planes is to go to Haruhi's apartment. I have to do something there. I don't know what. If you want to leave, that's fine with me, I'm just sorry this had to happen...I'm sorry..."

Asahina-san stared at me with despair seeping out of her eyes. She closed them, releasing the tears that continued to flow. She held her face like that for a couple of seconds, still sniffling. She then opened her eyes, as her crimson lips moved.

"I... I'll go with you... I just want you to be able to go back to where you are happy."

Oh man. Could she have said anything more heart-wrenching to me? I tried my best to suppress my crying again. She leaned into my chest, and I put my arms around her again to hug her.

"Thank you Mikuru. Thank you."

We got up together, and walked the 100 some yards to the apartment complex. When we arrived outside, I pressed the 708 button on the intercom.

"Yes?"

"Haruhi?"

"Yes. Kyon?"

"Yeah. Can we come up please?"

"U-uh... we?"

"Mikuru is with me."

"..."

There was a short silence.

"Yeah… sure."

I heard the front door unlock as I said thank you into the intercom speaker. Asahina-san and I entered the lobby and headed for the elevator. I pressed the button for the 7th floor. The last time I was here with Asahina-san, I believe it was with Asahina-san (big) in the Disappearance world. She was still nervous around Nagato then. I wonder if this Asahina-san would be too.

As I studied the elevator ceiling tile while listening to the soft rhythm of the music exuding from it, the metal doors in front of us slid open, being accompanied by a dinging sound. We stepped out into the hallway. I noticed the meager lighting again, as the one bulb that was not burnt out struggled to keep the rest illuminated. I took a glance out the window. It was now raining heavily, the sky filled with dark clouds, blanketing the skyscrapers in the city, not allowing any of them to see each other. The buildings tried their best to light themselves with their artificial brightness, but the murky clouds of misery would not let them. The haze interfered with all the was happening, and allowed no one thing in the city to be at ease. The rain continued to flow.

I knocked on the door with the number '708' next to it, as Asahina-san held my arm. There was no answer, but I could hear someone's steps drumming the floor as they walked over to let us in. Haruhi's sullen face greeted us as the door gradually hinged open. She wore pink pajama pants and a white T-shirt that was too large for her. She had nothing on her feet, and her hair was again not tied in any fashion, with no ribbon present.

"Hey Haruhi. We're sorry to intrude. May we come in?"

"U-um... yeah..."

She looked down and blushed, as she held her arm out toward the inside of the apartment, like a maid ushering us into a mansion.

Now my confident feeling, which was never actually there, was noticeably absent. This is as far as the information went. I had no knowledge of what was going to happen now. It was all me. Now was the time for me to figure it out. Shamisan had said I needed to find something, and he also said I would know what to do when I needed to do it. Or rather, Nagato said that.

I stepped into the apartment a few paces, and looked around. Sigh. I'm lost. I'm lost in a haystack, now where is the needle? I scanned each intricate part of the apartment. The furniture was all situated pretty much the same as the time I had visited before, which was... something like 10 or 11 days later. The television was on again, she was watching anime. There were blankets and whatnot strewn about, as it looked like there were the remnants of a dinner for one on the kotatsu in the middle of the room. There was a plate with a few scraps of food on it, accompanied by a fork and steak knife. I guess she was eating beef. There was a clock on the wall. It read 5:59. In addition, she had various books thrown all over the place. Well, this Haruhi is just as careless with nondescript items as the other one, that's how the clubroom got so much junk in it back in my time plane. It also looked like Haruhi had been working on her homework or something, as a sheet of paper was next to her dirty plates on the kotatsu, along with a pencil on top. There were some words scribbled on the paper, but not many.

"Come in, make yourself comfortable. Um... I-I'll get some tea."

Haruhi awkwardly went into the kitchen as she said this. It seemed like she didn't have very much experience with visitors. Asahina-san still clutched my arm, as her eyes flowed around the room just as mine did. She whispered to me.

"What do you have to do Kyon-kun?"

I lowered my voice back, even though I don't know why. Would it hurt anything if Haruhi knew what I was doing?

"I don't know. I need to find a certain something. I guess we should look around for stuff that would be interesting."

We walked around the room separately, opening end table drawers and turning blankets over.

I picked up a notebook that was lying on the floor and opened it. The inside housed handwriting all over every page. I looked closer and began to read.

"Science Notes.

The three basic states of matter are solid, liquid and gas. The only nowable matter that is able to be all 3 is H²O. Water.

He just sits there. Why does he just sit there? What does he think about? Does he ever think of me? I hope so. He never lets on that he does. I just know in my heart that someday he will come up to me and tell me everything I've longed to hear him say since the moment I saw him. Why can't I be a strong person? Because I'm not, I can't pretend to be what I'm not. All I can do is sit, and hope he is happy. No matter what, even if it isn't with me, I just hope that in his life… he is able to say that he is happy."

I noticed the scrawls to be Haruhi's. She must have written this absentmindedly in Science class. I sighed out loud, which Asahina-san just took as a gesture toward our current search. Haruhi was also in love with me. That made all 3 girls of the SOS Brigade having feelings for me. She just wants me to be happy. I guess I just want that too.

I tossed the notebook back on the floor, and continued the hunt.

As I was upending the couch cushions, I heard a tiny sound come from the front of the apartment.

"Wa... What are you doing?"

Haruhi stood with a beet red face, carrying a tray with a tea pot and three tea cups, in the same fashion that she had when I came here before. Oh crap. Um...

Asahina-san piped up.

"We... Um... can't find the TV remote… Is it anywhere around here?"

"Uh.. y-yeah."

Haruhi placed the trey on the kotatsu and pointed.

"It's right there."

She was pointing right next to me. I looked down to see the remote sitting on the cushion next to the one I was overturning. Now all three of us were blushing.

"Oh, haha, there it is. Whoo! Got it, those are tricky, y'know?"

I stumbled out a response as I turned the pillow back over and placed it in its rightful spot on the couch. Asahina-san and I nervously went over to the kotatsu, and sat down cross legged.

Haruhi sat as well, as we each took a cup of tea that she had poured. She then took a sip, all the while not daring to look anywhere but down in her lap.

I saw out of my peripheral vision the paper with the pencil on top of it that was lying on the kotatsu. I didn't want Haruhi to see me looking, but I was able to make out that she had written words in the shape of a poem. Suddenly,

"Ooh. Let me go get some sugar."

Haruhi jumped up with a look like she had just forgotten she was running in the New York Marathon, and rushed back into the kitchen. I glanced at Asahina-san, who shrugged. I then picked the paper up and, little by little, read what she had written.

"_I fell from the sky, and landed with a thud_

_On a beach out of nowhere, along with a flood_

_Of snowflakes around me, falling gently to the sand_

_I saw a girl, positioned differently, lending me her hand_

'_I will help you, I know how you feel_

_Maybe one day, when the sun shines, we can both be real'_

_I rose to my feet, staring at the purple hair, her eyes as mine_

_Her expression was nowhere, her mouth a thin line_

'_He will come for you, eventually, in some plane'_

_And in her face, I saw her grief and her pain_

'_You love him too?' I asked in a small voice_

'_I do, but sadly for me, it's not my choice'_

_I looked to the water, there I saw it gleam_

'_It all must happen, but in a dream'"_

That was it. I then lowered the paper, and looked at the wall. A poem… and that was… that was Nagato, in it. But, who said that last line, Haruhi or Nagato?

Just then Haruhi came back in unsteadily with a bowl of sugar. I quickly shoved the paper to the floor, and tucked it under the kotatsu. She sat down, and began to speak as if she had been rehearsing her lines.

"S-so... What are you guys here for?"

She didn't move her head as she said this. Asahina-san and I exchanged quick glances with each other. I could tell from her look that Asahina-san wasn't going to say anything this time, so I had to come up with something.

"We... U-uh... we came... b-because..."

I couldn't' think of a good excuse as I trailed off. Just then I heard a familiar voice. A familiar... masculine voice. The sound of it irked my stomach as I realized who it was.

"Why did you come here Kyon… I wonder..."

I looked behind me to see Koizumi Itsuki come out of the adjacent room to the living room, which I assumed to be Haruhi's bedroom. All three of us started and let out a breath of air. He was dressed in all black this time, a black turtle neck with a black blazer, black slacks and shiny black dress shoes. There was no bandage or anything on his head. He didn't look hurt at all. As he walked out of the shadow of the corner of the room, I could see him clearer. He was smiling the evil Koizumi smile again, his eyes in a v shape. He casually caressed an item in his hand. I looked closer at it, and my eyes widened. It was a snowglobe. It was a snowglobe, with the scenery inside being... a beach. Koizumi saw my startled look, as he turned his face to the crystal half-sphere, bringing it up close to his eyes.

"Oh, I see you like my little trinket here Kyon. It's quite the dandy."

He lowered the snowglobe to his side, still holding it upright. He then began to walk slowly toward us at the table.

"You see Kyon, you are a bother. You are not only a bother to me, but to everyone here. You come here with the intent on ruining this world. You come to this apartment with the intent to reconstruct your world, but at the same time, destroy our world. **How selfish!**"

The three of us who were kneeling were startled by his sudden shout. His face relaxed again.

"You don't understand the magnitude of what is happening Kyon. I'm not going to let this happen. I am here to observe and protect Suzumiya Haruhi. And you are only here to hurt her. You've done nothing but neglect her your whole life. I'm not just talking about this time plane. And for what Kyon? For what? Why do you want to destroy us?"

He lifted the snowglobe to his face again, as he peered into it. He shook it tenderly as he spoke into it.

"For some... alien. For a girl who took your fancy. For some individual who you... don't... even... need."

He lowered the globe and set his gaze upon my face.

"You are selfish Kyon. You would sacrifice every person who ever loved you just for you're own benefit. Think about it. You are about to destroy two people who love you with all the fibers of their beings…"

He swept his hand over the two girls sitting across from me as he said this. Haruhi blushed intensely and looked down. I heard Koizumi start to laugh. A really ugly, errant laugh, directed at Asahina-san.

"Heh.. heh heh. I... I can't even believe **you** Asahina. I can't believe you would help this guy after what he's doing to you. He doesn't love you! He doesn't even care about you! He's about to throw you away for a different girl, for some girl that doesn't even exist anymore. For a girl that he was never even interested in until 11 days before she disappeared. It's a laugh! **You're pathetic!** Look at you Asahina! You call yourself a time traveler? You're nothing but an attractive girl who has too many toys and too many things on her mind, nothing but a piece of ass who should just sit down, **shut up**, and look pretty for all the insignificant high schoolers. All you're good for is eye candy. And here you are, actually believing you're making a difference! Heh heh heh! You mean nothing! Just stay out of everyone's way Asahina, it would make everyone, especially Kyon, much happier."

Asahina-san buried her face in her hands as she began to weep ferociously. Haruhi just looked from the bawling sempai back to Koizumi. Koziumi had still been walking forward the whole time, and was now right next to us. He took a step or two and was on the other side of the kotatsu, next to Haruhi. He placed his free hand on her shoulder.

"Ah, yes. Miss Suzumiya. The wondrous God of all humans. Her world is her doing… Kyon, look at her. Take a look at her."

I turned my face toward Haruhi. She was uncomfortably blushing, while trying to ignore Koizumi's hand.

"This girl has the power to have anything she wants. She can have any wish. And the only wish she has is for you. And what do you do? You cast her aside into the cold like some piece of trash! She doesn't even grant her own desires just for you, and when you can finally accept to see other's feelings, you do nothing but see your own! Here Suzumiya-san sits, every night. Every school night, every weekend, every holiday. She stays in this apartment by herself, immersing herself in her own dreams. She can do nothing but dream of the day you realize her feelings Kyon. She sits in agony day and night, trying to comfort herself, putting herself in the shoes of romantic TV show characters just so she can see what love feels like when it is returned to her."

Haruhi glanced at the TV, and back to my face. Tears came to her eyes, as she tried to brush them away. All of this was true. It was all true.

Koizumi's face once again peered into the snowglobe. He slowly turned to me, with a sly grin on his face, lowering his tone.

"You remember when you told the whole school you fucked Asahina, right?"

He looked at my face. He was still able to smile, even though he had made both girls cry by now. I didn't say a word, but only scowled back at him.

"I do Kyon. I do. I remember Asahina enduring the pain of all of her classmates calling her "easy". They pointed at her, and laughed. They called her other much worse names. I remember Suzumiya-san overhearing the news. She was so struck with grief that she left school, and didn't come back. She never thought you actually did love Asahina, she always thought that someday you would realize you loved her. Do you know what Suzumiya-san was doing during those days she wasn't at school Kyon?"

He pointed to the doorway he had come out of.

"She was in her room. Crying. She cried all day, and after she had cried herself to sleep, she dreamed of only tears, before she awoke to cry again. She could do nothing but cry, Kyon. And all because of you. You had to have your way. I say again, you are selfish."

Koizumi coolly looked around the room as his words reverberated off the bleak and lonely walls.

Selfish.

His eyes then stopped again on the sobbing girl beneath his hand. He bent down next to her head, and elevated the snowglobe so that it was right next to her face, which was in turn right next to Koizumi's.

"Take a look, Suzumiya-san. What do you see? Is what you see here what you want? Is what you see here your sanctuary? Is this the world that people desire? Because this is what Kyon desires, right here."

Haruhi did not look up at him, she only continued to cry in her hands.

"**Look! Look at this!**"

Koizumi yelled into her face, which made her turn her head toward him out of fright. Her eyes blurred with tears, she looked sorrowfully at the snowglobe.

"Tell me Suzumiya! Is this the world!? Is this what you want!? Is this right!?"

Haruhi cringed a little as she put her clasped hands up to her mouth. Her eyes were so full of fear. She did not say a word.

"**Answer me!**" He screamed right into her face again and repeated his question.

"**Is this the world?! Is this what you want?!**"

Haruhi slowly shook her head back and forth as tears rolled down her cheeks, all the while cowering backward. Koizumi saw her gesture, and then like a madman, turned quickly and hurled the snowglobe.

"**No! This isn't!**"

I watched the globe as it shattered on the front door of the apartment, the water inside splashing in all directions before leaving a dark stain on the carpet. The stain was littered with small white flakes from the globe, as I saw the beach scene, cracked into two pieces.

I then turned back to Koizumi. His face was twisted with rage as he stared menacingly at Haruhi's wet eyes. He had gone insane now.

"Choose! Choose what you want! You don't want him! You don't want happiness! The only happiness comes with destruction! This is not the world! You are not happy! She is not happy! He is not happy! No one is happy! Now where is the world headed!?"

With his hands on his knees, as he was at eye level with Haruhi, he breathed up and down as he stopped screaming. Asahina-san wept in a dreadfully piercing tone, while Haruhi just sniveled softly, recoiled from Koizumi right next to her face, afraid that if she makes a sound, he may strangle her or something. No one moved. The silence was broken by sobs, but it was silence nonetheless.

Koizumi then said to Haruhi is a stern voice.

"Speak."

"..."

"**Speak!**"

Haruhi looked away, and I saw her whisper:

"It's not true..."

Koizumi still had a look of hatred on his face.

"What did you say?!"

"I said it's not true!"

Haruhi suddenly came back with a shout of her own. Now Koizumi withdrew a few inches, as Haruhi put her hands back over her mouth, having to have moved them to cry out. She then looked at me, at Asahina-san, back at me, and then at Koizumi again. She removed her hands and spoke softly.

"It's not true."

We all just stared at her, as she looked down, as if in thought. I suddenly heard my voice come from no where.

"What isn't true... Haruhi..."

She again turned to me.

"You aren't selfish."

She continued to gaze at me, her eyes filled with yearning. She wasn't crying anymore. Asahina-san had stopped just because of the silence. Koizumi continued to look intently at Haruhi. She then rose her arm, and with her hand and index finger, pointed to somewhere behind me.

"Look at that."

I turned to see another end table. On it was a book. I got up and, while turning back to look at everyone, picked it up. It was black, with sleek black leather. A black lace ribbon protruded out of the top. I ran my hand across the words on the front of the small book.

_Diary of Suzumiya Haruhi_

My startled eyes went back to Haruhi. Her mouth moved.

"That is what you are looking for Kyon. Open it."

I flipped through the pages. There must have been at least 70 pages, and each one was filled with words. Some with more than others. I began to turn the pages slower. Some had pictures. One had a school photo of me. A page entitled "Best day" had a picture roll of Haruhi and I from one of those picture booths. I read some of the writing. We had gone to the pier out by the beach together. It was the best time she had ever had. The last photo on the series of photos showed Haruhi and my faces next to each other as we smiled. I continued on through the diary, as I noticed a picture of Asahina-san. The entry said that she thought I loved her. And that if I did, she would want me to be happy. My face continued to scrunch up as I read.

"Stop Kyon. Give me that."

Koizumi finally came back to reality and realized that I had in my hands the object to re-fuse time. He started to come toward me, but was stopped when out in front of him a glint of light shone off a sleek silver blade. Haruhi had in her hands her steak knife from her dinner. Koizumi stepped back in surprise and fear, his hands rising to his shoulders with palms out.

"W-what are you doing Suzumiya-san?"

"I won't let you stop him Koizumi."

She turned toward me, my hands holding the open diary.

"Read the last page Kyon."

I turned to it. It was dated with today's date, at 4:14 PM.

It was not a diary entry, but a poem. I saw the title in script letters:

"_World My Own_"

My eyes went to the first line, as my lips began to move with the words. I heard my voice protrude into the atmosphere of the room, carrying with it the emotions of Haruhi's every being.

"_I do but cry once in a while._

_Only at times when I die inside._

_Like when he bestows me his smile._

_Imagining me at his side._

_Imagining me as his bride."_

I paused for a moment. The last page had a drawing on it. It was a drawing of a rose, with thorns coming out its sides. Next to the rose was a box of chocolates, with a tag bearing the writing: "Yuki-rin". The rose was bent over as if it were withering. The petals floated down the side of the page next to the poem. I continued to read.

_"The world spins, but I do not._

_This one idea bothering me the most._

_I see emptiness next to him, and stare at that spot_

_Feeling so much like a dying ghost._

_Feeling so close… so close… so close."_

"Suzumiya-san! Stop this! He is destroying our world! He is destroying you! There is no chance for your love now! He will do away with it! He doesn't care about you at all!"

"Don't come closer."

Haruhi pointed the knife at Koizumi.

"Suzumiya-san, if you feel it's just, than you can thrust that knife into my heart. But I cannot let this happen. It is my duty."

"I know you can't. But I can't either."

She turned around and looked at me.

"Continue."

My eyes moved across the words in stride as my voice floated into the air.

_"Now I sit, now I moan_

_Here I stay, all alone_

_It will all end for the world unknown_

_And with my voice held heavy, me on my throne_

_I say one thing, to the world my own…"_

I then heard Haruhi's voice in synch with mine as I read the last line of the poem.

_"Goodbye Kyon."_

As my words ended, my eye caught the sight of red liquid. I saw the light flash off the blade as it cut across Haruhi's throat, before the blood began to spill out.

Asahina-san and Koizumi gasped in horror. I screamed.

"Haruhi! Haruhi!"

Her bloodied hand lowered to her side, as she dropped the steak knife, covered in the liquid of her being. The oversized white T-shirt was now stained with unhappiness, as it seeped onto the sad floor, mixing with the stain from the snowglobe. She dropped to her knees. We were all frozen. Just as the pool of blood was about to reach my feet, I heard her faint voice.

"Goodbye... Kyon..."


	10. Chapter 10: Uncia

I could not see anything but white. My eyes had opened by themselves, and all around me, with no noticeable vanishing point, was white. Anywhere I moved to, there was just white.

Then the white began to transform. It started to become static like it was a television. More and more colors started to show up until I could make out the pictures. No matter where I looked I saw the moving pictures. Here is what I saw.

It was me. And it was Haruhi. And we were each holding the hand of a small child who resembled Haruhi in a younger form. I wore a regular collard shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and black dress slacks. Haruhi wore a sunhat with a golden ribbon coming off of it. Her hair was longer than I remembered, like when I first met her, as she also wore a white summer dress along with white sandals. The little Haruhi was dressed in a pink cardigan with a white skirt.

Where were we? There was foliage all around, and pavement. There were no other people. The cages stared at us. We saw animals of all kinds.

The zoo was a harrowing place to be if one carried a heavy heart. The little Haruhi jumped up and down when she saw the snow leopard.

"Mom! Mom! Look! That one is so cute! Look at his tail!"

"I know honey..."

Haruhi bent down next to the little Haruhi with a content smile on her face, as she turned her head to me.

"He sure is."

I bent down as well so we were all looking from the same vantage point.

The noble animal sat upon a flat rock, his white head relaxed in an alert state, just staring around his cage. His prison. But in this prison, he was the boss. His fluffy tail swished back and forth on the dark colored slab of rock. I noticed the subtle black spots running through his tail, and continuing to run up through his body, ruining an otherwise perfect white coat. I wondered how this animal felt all day. Every day he awoke, he had people watching his every move. He never got to do anything for himself, because whenever he did, it turned into entertainment for others. He was trapped in his own reality. Sure, people made sure he was okay all the time, but, at least I knew, that he wasn't ok at all. He hated being confined to that cage. No matter what, he could not escape. Every move he made was in the cage, and every thought he thought was confined to his own head. I looked into the snow leopard's eyes. The darkness in them swirled about, as I felt I was looking at despair. He never wanted this. He never asked for this. All he did was ask for a normal existence. And instead, he gets put on display for everyone everywhere to see. He suddenly became important for reasons unbeknownst to him. How could this animal ever be happy?

Just then, out of the corner of the cage came another flash of white. A separate snow leopard began to slowly walk over to the first one. I could tell by the patterns that it was a she. The female snow leopard went right up against the male one who was basking in the sun on his rock. She nuzzled his neck with her own. I saw the snow leopard's expression change, as he suddenly seemed to carry an air of content. Ah. So that's it. He has a companion. Who cares if the world is so confined for him? As long as there is someone there to share it with, he doesn't need the freedom of being able to do what he wants. He only needs the company of the other snow leopard.

I turned and looked at Haruhi next to me. She was intently eyeing the snow leopards. The look on her face was one of the looks that girls get when they are saying "Aww" at something really cute. The same look came over me as I was looking at her. I'm really glad for you Haruhi. I don't know what I would have done if it didn't turn out like this.

I heard tiny footsteps on the pavement as I saw the little Haruhi running ahead of us.

"Look! A swan! A swan!"

I walked with Haruhi on my arm, as we both sighed and watched the little Haruhi jump around and point.

Haruhi then turned to me.

"Kyon, I'm so happy. Thank you for being able to come today."

I turned down to see her face. It was the happiest I had ever seen this girl before, and I had known her since High School.

"I am happy too Haruhi. I love to be able to spend a day with you and her."

She beamed as I grinned back. She then leaned her head into my chest as we continued to walk. Our steps were in synch, as if we were walking as one. My heart felt light, as I stared at the majestic swans on the lake beside the zoo. They were not captive at all, but still chose to hang around here. The little Haruhi was at the lakeside yelling at the swans to come closer. My eyes then went skyward, until the blue space and puffy clouds contrasted. It was a beautiful day. I then heard Haruhi's voice come from below me.

"Kyon, thank you. You are the best thing to ever happen."

I did nothing but gaze down at her beautiful auburn eyes, a smile on my face. We continued to walk further up the concrete path, the whole time watching the little child with no inhibitions. She was so pure. Everything here was amazing to her. One day she would grow, and her likes and dislikes will change. She'll start to do her own hair, date boys, and not want to talk to me. She'll start to run away, and want to be away from me forever. She would never thank me, or even come back. She would choose to lead her own life, and choose to let me have nothing to do with it. And what could I do? I'd let her go. I'm only her father. I'm only her protector. I'm only the one who made sure she was capable of love.

We continued to walk along together, Haruhi and I. I looked down at her as I was thinking all these things, and opened my mouth slowly to talk,

"Haruhi, why did you kill yourself?"

She sighed a little.

"Why couldn't this have happened?"

She still did not say anything as we continued to walk along. I remembered the snow leopard, and the despair in his eyes. It was until his companion came along. Then his world became that much bigger.

Haruhi just looked back into my eyes as we continued to walk.

The static began to come again. The picture was leaving, and it was going back to a state of black and white madness. I was sad to see that picture go. After a while, the static slowed down, as the colors came back to the picture. A new picture.

I saw green. And then I saw white. There was a white wedding arch decoration. Behind it was a valley, holding what looks like a vineyard. In between the arches were a man and a woman both dressed in white, the man in a tuxedo and the woman in a wedding dress. A red carpet sprawled on the green grass leading up to the alter, as I also saw a clergyman holding a book, which I guess was the Bible. White foldable chairs were splayed on either side of the carpet, and people sat on them, in their formal wear. The bridesmaids lined up next to the bride, the groomsman next to the groom. Everything in its place.

"Will the Best man bring forward the ring?" the priest asked.

I saw the man standing closest to the groom move forward and give him a small glittering object before patting him on the back and going to his place. As he walked back, I saw his face. It looked familiar. Those eyes. His eyes were full of exhaustion. Maybe because he was the one off to the side. As I recognized who it was, I immediately knew the reason. He never got to be the center of attention. It was always someone else. And because he now watched his friend be married off in a situation he always pictured himself in, the man was sad. He was watching his dreams be lived out, knowing that he himself will never be standing there. I saw him sigh as he stood with his hands clasped, watching the ceremony as the bride and groom said their vows. He began to clap as he saw the wedding come to its climactic act of the "I do's" and the kiss. I knew this man very well. It was me. I then saw the face of the groom. The familiar handsome smiling face looked into the eyes of his bride as they walked arm in arm down the aisle. This was Koizumi's wedding. I saw them walk down the red carpet and out the back to the reception area. There, I saw my own self standing, looking out at the vineyard. I stared at the rows of green. They were so symmetric. How could you make something so beautiful in nature be so symmetric? It was just like life. All we do is just make everything into a system. The bushes are not allowed to grow how they like, because they must be trimmed to fit people's standards. I turned around and looked at the wedding arch. The decorations on it were intricate, but all the same color. I gazed closer and saw a small ceramic angel on the side of it. The angel was smiling. Why? I wondered. What has it got to be happy about. All it could do was sit and watch others be happy, as more and more people got married beneath it. It wasn't ever going to be happy, was it? I then turned back to the party as I heard glasses clinking. I saw Koizumi and his bride come together and kiss. An involuntary smile came over my face. Koizumi was really happy. And for some reason, I was happy for him. This guy who always had some stupid shit to say to me, the guy I was always annoyed with. Here he is getting married, and I'm the best man. And I'm happy for him. I looked over at the caterer's table and saw Haruhi in her formal wear scarfing down on h'ordeurves. It's really weird that Koizumi and I are the only ones left. And we still look after her. But now Koizumi was going to have a family to look after as well. He never really did look after himself. In fact, now that I think about it, I myself could look after me a little more instead of confining my actions to please Haruhi. I turned my eyes outward to look at the golden sun disappearing behind all the dark scenery, shrouding anything close to it in light, but leaving the rest to darkness. I envy the other side of the world. I wish that at some times, the light in my eyes wouldn't shine so bright. Suddenly I felt a hand slap my back.

"Kyon, I was really glad you were able to come."

"Me too Koizumi. Someone had to be the best man, right?"

"Right, and I'm relieved it was you." We stared out at the setting sun going behind the solemn scenery. I turned to Koizumi and said,

"Koizumi, I don't think I've ever sever you as happy as you were today, and usually it's hard to tell if you are really happy or faking it. But today, it was easy to see that you are content. She really is perfect for you."

"Thank you Kyon, I feel the same way. Of course, I still have to continue my job watching over Suzumiya-san, and that gets harrowing sometimes. But getting married means I have taken a step in getting my own life back, one that I abandoned long ago."

We stayed silent for a little while after that again. The wind was slightly beginning to pick up. He then turned back to me.

"Kyon, I can't thank you enough for what you've done to help me and the rest throughout the years."

He paused as he looked into my eyes.

"Kyon, thank you. You are the best thing to ever happen."

I did nothing but return Koizumi's smile, as his happy face once again showed me that my life was not in vain.

The pictures again deformed to static, until it reached it's most primitive state of visualization before it came back with more colors, and a different scene.

A room. A bed. Two people, in a most intimate position together.

I was wearing a standard white collared shirt, no tie. I seemed to be on top of Asahina-san, as I leaned on my hands that were planted on either side of her. I bent down to kiss her.

The room was dark. The small candlelight glittered off the white plaster walls. I saw Asahina-san, lying on the bed. And over her was me. She wore a white blouse, her red auburn hair fluttered out to either side as her head rested on the bed. A look of anticipation was in her eyes. I had thought about this exact moment many a time over the years. But my feeling was completely different right now. Finally, I was acting of my own accord. This was finally my liberating action, as nothing mattered to me anymore. I was always forbidden from certain things. And I always wondered why. I never got to choose. Why were restrictions thrust upon me? I never asked for them. I never volunteered for them. And I certainly don't get rewarded for following them. I looked over to the table top to see the single candle. The candle still tried to burn out bright, but it itself knew that it couldn't last. It can't be expected to light the whole room, can it? But for some reason, other people depend on it for that. And it tries its hardest. When all its wax is gone, then what? Then the light goes out. And everyone is left in darkness, only blaming one thing for leaving them in the forbidding pool of blackness: the candle. I turned my eyes back down to Asahina-san below me, looking so very blissful.

"Kyon, I'm really grateful for you."

"Me too Mikuru. I don't know what it is about you, but when I'm with you, I feel perfectly at peace with myself."

"I feel the same way."

She paused as I kissed her once again. The kiss of Asahina-san was the best feeling I have ever felt. It wasn't just the physical stimulation of it. It felt like it was the most right thing that could be happening. Our lips locked together, as I felt her tongue glide throughout my mouth, our eyes closed. Then she pulled away from me, and continued what she had been saying.

"If that's how it is, why don't we make our peace be felt together?"

She slowly began to remove her blouse, unbuttoning each button one by one, slowly, never taking her eyes off of me. I could do nothing but stare at her skin as more and more of it was revealed to me. I finally saw the star birthmark exposed, as the white continued to be discarded. Soon, there were no buttons left. And now I only saw the ample bosoms of the girl I had admired for so long. She threw the blouse aside from her chest and softly caressed my neck, kissing me passionately.

I felt her love radiate through my body as the room began to heat up.

The lone candle began to flicker, letting us know that it was only a matter of time until it finally went out, leaving the room in complete shadows.

Our bodies touched together, as we caressed each other tenderly, feeling our love mold into one sensation. Both of us were naked, but I had never been more comfortable with Asahina-san, as I continued to kiss her. Finally, I felt her hands upon my face, as she raised it a little to let her speak.

I heard Asahina-san whisper:

"Kyon-kun, thank you. You are the best thing to ever happen."

I did nothing but look back into her face, as I smiled a warm smile to match hers. I then leaned back down into the darkness.

The pictures then started to flicker again before the static came back. I waited for what I would be seeing next. There was nowhere I could go, but only wait.

The whiteness of the area suddenly started to become grey. The grey progressed to black as it changed shade by the second. I could still see the moving pictures, as if they were illuminated. The static stopped completely, and a black screen shown in my face as I could see neither help nor life anywhere.

What was this? I can't go anywhere. I looked around frantically. I'm stuck in blackness now? This is impossible. I ran to the left and to the right, but wherever I went, more black consumed me. It's as if I couldn't move at all. I didn't know what to do. I felt the panic all over my body as I fell to my knees and began to tremble. Tears started escaping from my eyes, running away as if they were ashamed to know of me. Why was this happening? All the events of the past hours ran through my head again. The darkly dressed Koizumi. The crying Asahina-san. The broken snow-globe. Haruhi's blood soaked T-shirt. The poem. The diary. The knife. Why was this happening? I never wanted things to end up like this. I never wanted to have to go through all of this. I don't know what went wrong! How could my life had ended up in this state? I need someone… I need someone to… to help me…

My eyes were clenched shut, because at least I controlled the darkness inside of myself. Then, out of nowhere, I felt a cold stabbing on the back of my neck. My eyes shot open to see small white snowflakes falling. They were falling at such a slow pace, I was wondering if they were falling at all. They contrasted against the blackness of everything. Just as I saw the snowflakes drift closer and closer to me, I heard a voice.

"What's wrong Kyon-kun, we're going to be late."

I turned swiftly to see a silhouette against a white box, as if that person had just opened a door out of the blackness, and all that was outside was light. The silhouette stood still, looking at me. I watched it as it slowly came toward me, until the blackness shrouded it too. It held out its hand when it was a couple feet away. I took the hand, and felt the warmth. As we began to get closer and closer to the white rectangular opening, I could see more and more of the silhouette. Just as we were passing through, I saw a glimmer of purple in my eyes as the light enveloped me into a world of whiteness.

Outside the door was a landscape littered with snow everywhere. The trees were barren with no leaves, creating a distinctively winterish scene. The person in front of me is gone. I felt a tug on my sleeve, as I looked down. There I saw the one person I had longed to see for so long.

Her eyes looked back up at me, her cheeks pink with the snow falling against them.

"Kyon-kun. It will all be alright."

I was so overfilled with joy at having found her at last that I swung my arms around her and hugged her, never wanting to let the small figure go again.

"Nagato..."

Tears again ran down my cheeks as she stood there, taking my hug. I didn't ever want to change positions. I didn't care what this was. If this is a dream or reality or anything different, all I cared was that Nagato was here, and I was able to touch her, and to hold her. I could finally... hold her.

"Kyon-kun..."

I heard her sweet voice as I loosened my grip. I didn't want her to see my red and puffy face.

"Let us walk."

She took my hand as she said this, and we walked out into the snow stricken land. We sloshed through the heavy clumps of frosty matter gradually, as Nagato led me, holding my hand. We went down the slope in front of us, until we were at the bottom, next to one barren tree, in a small valley. Nagato let my hand go.

"Kyon-kun. I'm sure you have questions."

I took a look at her. Her face was red from the cold outside, not pale like the standard robotic Nagato. Her eyes were a little softer than usual.

"Y-yeah. I do..."

"..."

A couple beats of silence followed.

"Well... ask them."

Nagato's eyes were set on me. I realized the silence was her waiting for me to answer instead of the other way around.

"U-uh..."

There were so many things to ask at once.

"What is this Nagato? Where are we?"

"This... this is reality now."

I looked around at the landscape, while soft white flurries fluttered farther and farther down.

What?

"This is all that is left..."

Wait... Haruhi...

"Nagato... did... did Haruhi die?"

"Yes."

"..."

I already knew she was dead. I don't know why I asked Nagato this. My mind flashed back to the last thing I saw before I awoke in this place. Haruhi's face, smeared with her own blood spurting out from her own neck. Her eyes half closed, her mouth showing grief and fatigue, as she whispered to me...

Goodbye Kyon.

She had killed herself.

"Nagato..."

The girl's short hair rustled with the slight wind as snow blew past her.

"Why did... why did Haruhi... kill herself?"

"..."

Nagato looked down toward the snow, averting her gaze away from me. She didn't want to tell me. I could see it. The old Nagato could hide what she was thinking, but I knew exactly what this Nagato was thinking right now. She didn't want to answer my question. I took a few deliberate steps toward her until I was right in front of. She still looked away. I placed my hands on her shoulders, and looked straight into her face.

"Nagato."

She slowly turned back to look at me.

"Why did Haruhi kill herself?"

"For... you."

No.

Don't say it.

Don't say that.

"It was my fault."

I turned away quickly from her as she tried to grab at me.

"No. It wasn't."

I was acting without thinking now, as I turned suddenly around and grabbed her outstretched arm.

"**Yes it was! It was my fault!**"

I screamed right into her face as she recoiled, her eyes lowering.

"I'm exactly what Koizumi said... I'm selfish! Everything is my fault!"

I let her go, and began to walk away from her, slowly dragging my feet through the snow.

I expected to hear her call out, but all I heard was her tiny voice.

"Fine Kyon..."

"What did you say?"

"Fine."

I turned to see Nagato looking at me, gazing into my eyes once again. Her expression turned to sadness, as one tear slowly seeped out of the side of her eye, rolling down her cheek with no reserve. She put her hand up, palm out. Just as I was about to say something, her hand closed into a fist, and suddenly the snow around began to gust violently. White soon filled everything up, and within seconds, I could see nothing, but only start to feel colder and colder.

And then the white turned to static, black and white. I began to feel myself again. I wasn't cold at all. I looked down at my hands. They were still there. The static in front of me continued. I then realized that I had been watching the moving pictures again. Did that happen?

"It did."

I heard a voice come out of nowhere, with an echo, like it was talking through a microphone.

"Who's that?"

"Y'know, you really should have asked the questions you wanted to know..."

"What questions?"

"Whatever you were going to ask her."

"Is it too late?"

"Of course not. Ask away."

The voice was deep, like it was being modified or something, or coming through a loudspeaker. It had a baritone ring. I began to talk out into the air above me.

"Okay... Why did Koizumi show up when I went back in time?"

"He went to prevent you from ruining that time plane, because his job is to look after Suzumiya Haruhi. He knew from the beginning what you were going to do. He failed."

"How did he even know what was happening? How did he get there?"

"Koizumi was given the knowledge. By Nagato. He was able to travel back in time because of Nagato."

What?

"Why would Nagato want to stop me from fusing time back together?"

"Because she knew this would happen."

Knew what would happen?

"This."

I waited, but the voice said nothing more.

"How did Koizumi know where to go, and how did he show up at Haruhi's apartment without being hurt?"

"Nagato helped him. She woke him, and told him where to go, and healed him."

"But... but... she was there?"

"She was there the whole time."

...

I stood there, staring up into the blank whiteness. I wasn't even sure what I was standing on, but for some reason I could not move my legs.

"That doesn't sound like Nagato. I thought... she was in love me."

"She is..."

"Well, then why is she trying to stop me?"

"Because, she knew this would happen."

I was getting kind of frustrated at that vague answer.

"Why was Nagato in Haruhi's poems and dreams then?"

"That I cannot answer. I do not know what Haruhi thinks."

"Well, then what is it that I had to do to fuse my time planes back together?"

...

"I... cannot answer that yet either."

"Yet?"

"Yet."

Okay then.

"Why did Haruhi kill herself?"

"You already answered that."

"What?"

"Because of you."

But that wasn't me.

"I didn't want her to kill herself!"

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure!"

"Then why did you try to do everything to fuse the time planes?"

"Be... because... I wanted to go home."

I then heard the voice start to get less deep, and less phony.

"You were home."

I then realized that the voice talking was my voice. It was my own voice talking to me. I looked around my shoulder, and suddenly there was blackness. Out of the shadows I saw myself walk, toward me. Behind him was...

Haruhi. They both wore black in the same fashion that Koizumi had been wearing, black turtle neck and matching blazer. The other me started to walk in my direction. I took a few steps back.

"Wha-...W-what's going on?"

The other Kyon and Haruhi stopped. Then the other Kyon turned toward the girl standing next to him. And before my eyes, I saw Haruhi's image slowly start to fade away, and form into a new image. A new image of a person. It was Nagato.

"She was there the whole time Kyon."

The other Kyon looked at me, as Nagato began to cry again. He left her and began to walk toward me. I tried to step back again, but felt no ground beneath my foot. I toppled over and fell. I heard the splash as everything around me was dark. I began to rise up, until the force around me stopped and I could begin to breathe. I was in water. Black water. This was a black lake. The other Kyon was crouching on the bank of the shrouded lake.

"You were home all along Kyon."

He then stuck his hand out, and placed it on my forehead. I felt pressure being applied as he pushed me down under the water. What is going on? Is he killing me? Yes! He's drowning me! Help!

I stared up through the liquid as I saw him push me farther down, until I couldn't hold my breath any longer. I gasped for air, but all that filled my insides was the black water. I felt it rush through my throat and into me, as my vision continued to blur. The blackness had finally found its way inside of me. After all this time, after all the things I had done for everyone else, this was how it ended. I had stayed true for so long. And now, I was to drown in the blackness I had so wanted to avoid. I remembered the shrine, and the black water outside of it. I remember seeing my grief-stricken reflection in the water. Where was Nagato. Why was this happening. Eventually I started to actually feel like I deserved this. Good. I'm glad this water is filling up inside me. All for the better. I'm nothing but black inside anyway. Everything else outside was white and pure, and I tried to be as well. But this is what happens. And there's nothing I can do. The other Kyon's image was now just a blurred mess of black on pale. I realized I was doing this to myself. I pushed myself under the water, as I saw Nagato's image crying, her hands up at her eyes. I'm so sorry Nagato. I'm so sorry. I felt my last breath leave me, as one last thought entered my mind.

"No Yuki-rin. It won't be okay."


	11. Chapter 11: Popsicles

The boy has watched her from afar for so long. Since they were little. He had always liked her. He knew it. She knew it. All the kids could see it. Time went on, and the longing for her grew to courage. He asked if she would like to be his girlfriend. She accepted. He would never forget that first hug. He would never forget that first kiss out in the rain, after she had spent the night crying. He would never forget all the time they spent together. Soon though, she would. She would want to be with other boys. She began to leave him alone. And when he realized what was happening, he cried. He remembers it. In the bathtub, the razor. The blood. The towel over his wrist. Crying in the corner for hours, his tears mixing with his blood. She cheated. He did not know why. Never again would he speak to her. He could not feel anymore. Life was not as colorful as it had been. There was more black and white. Soon her own mother was killed. There he was again. He hadn't talked to her for years. And now, he was across the aisle from her, at her mother's funeral. She was crying. Her sister was crying. His mother was crying. The other people were crying. All around him he could see people crying. The only one that wasn't crying was him. He stared across the aisle as she looked back at him through her tears. Why did he feel nothing? He did not want to console her. He did not want to see her cry either. He didn't feel.

He had already done his crying.

"Kyon! It's time to wake up!"

I heard my sister's shouts muffled by my door as she ran down the hall. In a moment that door would swing open, I would be attacked, disturbing my deep sleep, and Shamisen would certainly be disappointed that he had to be awakened.

Sure enough, I heard the slam that was followed by my sister jumping on top of me. Luckily, I was already bracing for the hit.

"Kyon! Good morning! Shami! Good morning to you too!"

I opened my eyes as my sister took Shamisen up in her arms, gently carrying him for a change, as she leapt off the bed and barreled down the stairs. I slowly threw the sheet off of me. Sigh. Another day. Another day.

As I got dressed, I took a look at my phone to see if I had any messages. Hm. 1 new message. I stared at the chrome plastic casing. I could see my reflection. My hair was ruffled, but my face was relaxed. It was morning after all. I opened it up to see a text message from... Private Name.

"You are back in the world."

What?

I looked at the screen for a second. What the heck did that mean? Did I leave? It's too early in the morning to be thinking about some crap, it was probably just a mistake or something. I closed my phone and tossed it back on my dresser.

Breakfast was good. I sat munching on my toast, taking my time to absorb the peaceful morning. For some reason today, things felt very new. I looked at my sister as she beamed and sipped orange juice. I felt kind of content right now. Of course, I hadn't had to do anything yet, and sure, all my problems will come back once I head out the door to school. But these are the moments you cherish you know? The moments when you feel at ease with everything, even though you have to go about with something that makes you exhausted everyday. I would guess it's the feeling daredevils have right before they attempt to jump over 25 school buses or something like that. They wouldn't attempt something like that if they weren't already a little crazy, would they? I stared into the milk I was drinking as I was thinking. The silky liquid swirled about with my hands throughout the glass as I twirled it back and forth. I wonder what everyone else does during breakfast.

As I was leaving with my bag, I saw Shamisen sitting by the door, staring at me. What do you want? I can't take you with me. I can't feed you right now either. His look continued as I stepped out of the door. Before I closed it, I took one last glance at him. He hadn't moved, but still stared into my eyes. Sigh. What a strange cat.

As I rode my bike, I could see that the sun was out today. Good. We had had too much bad weather lately. I rode on the pavement, listening to the tread make humming noises as it glided across the hard surface. What would my day at school be like today? You can bet that it probably involves some boring lectures at school. Probably throw in a bad grade on a test, maybe add in some stupid Taniguchi, followed up by me falling asleep in the last period. Yeah, that's a pretty normal day. It only gets abnormal after the lessons end, and Brigade activities begin. I wonder what mood Haruhi will be in today. I hope she's in a good mood, so I don't have to listen to that windbag Koizumi explain anymore crap about closed spaces. Then again, Haruhi always makes me do pointless and menial tasks when she's in a good mood. Plus, she seems to always abuse Asahina-san when she's in a good mood too, and no good-hearted soul would ever want to see that. Well, let me rephrase that; would want Asahina-san to go through that.

I finally reached the hill I walk up so often to get to North High. The sun beat down on my back, much like it had on Meursault in that one book by that existential guy. It led him to shoot "an Arab". Sometimes I felt that I might do something like that, when the sun gets too hot, and I just can't stand it anymore.

I was glad that Taniguchi did not meet up with me on the hill. But I was doubly glad with the two people I did see. Tsuruya-san and Asahina-san. The two smiling sempais greeted me warmly as they walked up behind me.

"Heya Kyon!"

Tsuruya was in a good mood as always.

"I didn't know you guys walked up this hill to get to school."

Tsuruya-san's emerald locks swished about her face as her beauty queen smile emanated through the air, giving the sun a run for its money in the shining department. She laughed as she pointed back down the hill.

"We were staying at one of my relatives houses, it's closer to town."

Asahina-san cutely walked with her bag in both of her hands in front of her.

"Good morning Kyon-kun."

"Good morning Asahina-san."

I tried to smile my best as we continued up the hill. I could never match the smile of these two girls though, and Tsuruya-san was always smiling, so what difference does it make.

"Wow Kyon, you have to walk up this hill every day? Man, do I ever feel sorry for you! Nyoro!"

"Yeah."

I felt the sweat beginning to accumulate on my back and the sides of my face. I looked up toward the sky again. The sun was alone, no clouds in sight. Completely clear.

"Eh... umm... it's unusually hot today... isn't it?"

Asahina-san timidly tried to start a topic of conversation as her hand went up to her mouth, as if in a thinking pose. She still looked at the ground in front of her as she walked. Maybe she didn't want to trip. I was about to answer her, but Tsuruya-san interjected.

"Sure is! Our school really needs to get some air conditioners eh, nyoro? Hey, Mikuru-chan, doesn't the SOS Brigade have some kind of thing planned today?"

"EWh?! O-oh... y-yeah, we do. We are handing out popsicles with copies of our new DVD..."

Oh crap! I forgot about that! I was supposed to buy those popsicles and bring them to school! Darn, Haruhi's sure gonna ring my neck for that one. I guess I could get them quickly after school.

I could see Asahina-san shiver at the thought of even mentioning that DVD. It was the full "Revenge of Nagato Yuki" movie, in which Asahina-san was forced into even more embarrassment at the hands of Haruhi. Plus, as I'm sure Asahina-san realized, whenever the SOS Brigade must hand something out... well... guess who's going to be doing it, and what they are going to be wearing?

We finally reached the top of the hill, and school. I parted ways with the two cheerful seniors as I headed for the shoe lockers, and then class 2-5.

I greeted Kunikida as we both walked in at the same time. Although my warm smile to him was torn away the second I walked into class.

"Kyon! You idiot! You didn't forget, did you?"

Haruhi's brash face met me as I could see fire in her eyes. I tried to play dumb. Maybe that will soften the blow coming to me.

"U-uh... forget... what?"

Haruhi stared menacingly at me, her mouth half open, ready to pounce. She talked in a very low voice.

"The... popcicles... Kyon."

"O-oh... those... Umm..."

I tried to avoid her eyes but she continued to lean into me until her terrifying face was a couple feet away from mine.

"I... forgot..."

I felt a searing pain as my head suddenly flung to my right. I saw Haruhi's outstretched hand holding a thick book. She had hit me on the head with her Humanities textbooks.

"Stupid Kyon! I told you not to forget! Now you're going to delay our giveaway! You know you're going to have to go get those right after school, right?! And then hurry back here!"

I rubbed my head as I looked at her. Right right, I get it. Just let me sit in front of you in peace.

I headed over to my seat as both Haruhi and I sat down. Class was starting. I could feel her annoyed attitude washing over me as it was spilling through the air around her. Was she really depending on me that much? Why couldn't she have asked someone else to do it then?

Class proceeded like a normal, regular day. Every so often Haruhi would poke me in the back with her mechanical pencil and call me an idiot for forgetting, reminding me I had to go get them after school, and that I had "**Better** not **forget**!" Yeah, I think I had it after the fourth time.

As the chime for the end of school rung, Haruhi and I headed to the clubroom. I had to go there first because I couldn't be trusted to go get the popsicles myself, "I might forget." as Haruhi says.

Haruhi swung open the Literature club room door as I looked inside over her shoulder. There only came a negligible movement from the silent girl sitting in the corner as Nagato lifted her head to greet us, before she went back to reading her book. Haruhi tossed her bag on the table as I did the same. I walked in and dropped myself on a foldable chair. I might as well rest right now, I'm about to be sent on another "mission" of Haruhi's. I took a look at the alien humanoid interface quietly keeping cover in the corner. It was amazing that I had met Nagato. I was really glad, too. I always felt like if there was one person to depend on, it would be her. My mind traced back to the events in that December, when Nagato had changed the world. Why did you do that Nagato? Was it… what you really wanted?

As I was thinking this, the fairy of the SOS Brigade walked in with a look of worry on her face. Asahina-san stepped in through the door hesitantly, knowing what she was going to have to go through as she nervously said hello to everyone in the club room before heading to the tea kettle in the corner.

"Wait Mikuru. Guess what?"

Haruhi's eyes lit up as she asked Asahina-san this. Asahina-san's own eyes were filled with an equal amount of fear as she squeaked out,

"U-umm... wh-wh-what?"

Haruhi leapt out of the Brigade Commander chair.

"I got you a new outfit for today!"

She grabbed Asahina-san as her other hand revealed a paper shopping bag from under the table.

"Kyaa!"

Asahina-san's eyes clenched tightly shut as Haruhi started taking her sailor uniform off. Going against every one of my primal urges, I calmly stepped out of the clubroom. I didn't even get any tea yet, what a gyp.

As I closed the club room door behind me, muffling the screams of the two girls, I saw Koizumi come walking down the hall.

"Greetings Kyon."

"Hey Koizumi."

He took a look at me, a look at the door, and then turned back to me.

"New outfit?"

"Yep."

He set his bag down on the floor and stood next to me.

"So, how you feeling today Kyon?"

I looked at him with a suspicious look. Fine, a little annoyed because I have to go buy those popsicles I had forgotten about. Why do you ask?

"No reason. Things seem pretty normal, don't they?"

Yeah. Normal day. Normal crazy Haruhi. And normal stupid esper.

He ignored my comment and continued on smiling.

"Despite what you say, you really like it like this don't you Kyon? It's almost as if someone were to create a perfect reality for you, this would be it."

I glanced at him. I guess you could say that. But I'm not about to admit it. I just looked away from him and left his musing floating out in the thin air as I looked at the sun shining throughout the hallway windows.

"Okay! You can come in!"

I turned around quickly and opened the door, salivating at the thought of what this new costume for Asahina-san could be. My expectation were not only met, but exceeded, as my eyes caught the sight of furry cat ears as I looked into the room. There next to Haruhi, trying to hide her legs from Koizumi and I, was a kitty kat girl, Asahina-san. She had black furry kitty kat ears, as well as plastic fangs. She wore a sleeveless top that left little to the imagination, hugging her chest tightly, as well as gloves shaped like paws, complete with claws. Going lower, she was wearing almost nothing, just a bikini bottom the likes of which you'd see out on a beach in Europe or something. It all matched beautifully, and the color really accented Asahina-san's perfect long legs, as she was wearing nothing on her feet either. My face instantly went red as I stared at her. Koizumi smiled.

"What an interesting outfit."

I ignored Koizumi's pointless comment, and snapped back into protection mode.

"Haruhi! You can't make Asahina-san wear this! It's too embarrassing!"

Haruhi's face went from pride on her ability to choose costumes for others to annoyance at me again.

"You don't have any right to be making decisions Kyon, since you forgot the popsicles! Don't question your Brigade Chief! Now, I order you to get them at the grocery store down the hill. Since you can't be trusted to not goof off, Yuki will go with you!"

She pointed to the silent alien in the corner reading her book. Nagato looked up at Haruhi's finger after hearing her name. She then glanced at me, and then back down at the pages of her book.

Haruhi saw me just standing there staring at Asahina-san's legs. Her face went red with rage.

"**Now**!"

I jumped out of my trance and headed out the door. As I did, I heard Nagato's book close as she followed me.

Soon Nagato and I were walking down the hill together to go to the grocery store Haruhi had specified. She walked by my side, as Nagato had always done. I remembered the first time I walked with her. I had done it many times since then. When Nagato first told me she was an alien, I didn't believe it. It was much easier to believe Koizumi and Asahina-san, since they were not the first to say they were different. But Nagato was out there. I just thought she was some weird girl who could not separate her own childish desires and reality, so she thought she was an alien. You know, like those mental patients who think they are Michael Jackson or something?

The sun was blazing over head, as I took a peek at Nagato. Her face turned toward me and stared. She wasn't affected by this heat at all.

"Hey Nagato. Do you like popsicles?"

She just stared at my face. That was a stupid question anyway. We reached the front of the grocery store, as we both stepped on the mat that signaled to the electronic sliding glass doors that people needed to be let in. The wave of cool air from the air conditioning rushed over me as we both stepped inside. Hm, now where to?

"Aisle 6."

Nagato pointed to the left at the large sign with a painted 6 on it. I followed her over to the aisle with all the freezers. I decided to get the cheap popsicles that come in a big bag. It's not like anyone will care, they just want something cold. I carried two of the bags as Nagato followed me to the checkout. I paid the person working there, who gave us a weird look, and then headed back out into the sweltering heat again.

We walked back in the direction that we had come, but after about a block, Nagato stopped me.

"This way." She lightly pulled me off course. I followed her as we walked down the cross street for a couple of blocks. C'mon Nagato, these bags aren't too light. Just as I was about to tell Nagato to stop and ask what we were doing, the shape of a familiar building came out from behind the others. The tall roof blocked the sun and put us in the shade as Nagato looked up at the sign on the front.

Library.

We were standing on front of the library I had taken Nagato to during the first hunt for mysterious happenings in the city. Nagato turned around. It must have been only me, but her eyes seemed to soften a bit.

"Can we go in?"

Uh, I don't know. We probably should get back with these popsicles. Haruhi is going to be mad.

Nagato didn't move. She continued to look at me over her shoulder, the front of her body facing the entranceway to the library. I started to laugh.

"I guess we can go in for a bit Nagato..."

She turned her head back around and began to walk forward through he doors. I followed her, carrying my two bags of popsicles. I hope they would let me in with these things. I bet they don't want all their books to get sticky from popsicle syrup.

I followed Nagato to where I had sat before when we came the first time, the sofa over by the window. Nagato perused the bookcase near the sofa. I sat down on the soft cushions and tried to relax. The sun was draining me. Thank goodness I'm inside this cool library, sheltered. I looked around and studied the place. It was dark, as most libraries were, with a lot of mahogany. There were not many people here right now, there should probably be more for after a school day. I laid my head back on the sofa, and felt my eyes slowly start to close. I was so tired all the time. Exhaustion. All of this. My life was filled with it. I let the bags of popsicles fall from my hands onto the floor. I began to doze for a little while after that. I don't know when it was, but later, my eyes had opened. I saw no one else in the library. It was also slanted at an angle. I realized my head was the one slanted. I then realized my head was on a shoulder. I had fallen asleep onto someone's shoulder. My eyes went up as I looked at the face of the person who was providing my support. It was Nagato. She was intently reading a book she had picked out. I saw her eyes go up and down reading the lines. I looked down at the floor. The bags of popsicles weren't there. Now, there were just two plastic bags of popsicle syrup. The popsicles had melted. I lifted my head to look at Nagato's face.

"Nagato... what time is it?"

"7:48 PM."

What? How could you let me sleep? Haruhi is going to be furious! I jolted to a standing position and reached into my pocket, grasping the object inside. I pulled out my phone and flipped it open.

16 missed calls. I had set it on silent, so I didn't hear it. I went into the call log. Yep. All Haruhi. My duty calls.

"Nagato, we have to go."

Nagato didn't say anything but looked up from her book. She stared at me again. This time, I was able to look into her eyes. And I caught something. Something very different. I had mentioned her eyes seemed a bit softer. As I stared into Nagato's eyes right now, I picked up on an emotion. An emotion of... longing, of want. I had never envisioned Nagato wanting anything ever, except something to read. Her job was to observe. But her dark eyes were speaking to me. They were telling me that Nagato really wanted to stay. Her pupils danced, and spoke to me directly. She wanted me there too. I don't know why I thought this. But it just seems that way. Her stare continued, and I continued to look into her eyes.

I thought back to what I was thinking before. Why had Nagato changed the world before? Was she so unhappy with being an alien? She had said it was because of malfunctions or something. Maybe that's just a nice way of saying that she had been changing. Why is she not allowed to change? A feeling of sadness washed over me. This life wasn't fair to Nagato. Nagato was stuck in between existence, and mechanism. She was a human, but she wasn't. Every person anywhere is entitled to certain things in life. But for Nagato, those things would never happen. Would Nagato ever get to fall in love, or have a first kiss, or get married to the man she loves? I thought about Nakagawa as Nagato looked up for a second at the wooden panels on the walls around us in the library. Her eyes. Those eyes. I felt sorry. That this had to be how she was. She had no choice. At that moment, I began to want to see Nagato get another chance. I wanted to meet this Nagato, but not as an alien humanoid interface created by the Integrated Sentient Data Entity for the purpose of observing human life on earth as well as Suzumiya Haruhi. I wanted to see Nagato as a normal high school girl. I wanted to see Nagato's life progress like anyone else's would. I wanted her to enjoy life like we got to. I wanted Nagato… to feel what we got to feel. To feel the emotions of love for someone else. The most wonderful emotion there was. I didn't want Nagato to have to go through life without those things. Those things were important. I want Nagato… to be able to find love.

At this moment of looking at Nagato, I began to feel something different about her. If she were normal, and I had a normal existence, I would want to be with her. I would want to love Nagato. Even if Nagato acted the way she did now, it would be fine. But in my circumstances, I can't. And in hers, I'm sure she can't feel love anyway. At this moment, as I looked at Nagato, I wanted so bad to sit down with her and hug her, and hold her. I have no idea why, I just, wanted that to be the way it was. But I know it can't be that way, and I couldn't do anything like that.

Nagato. Let's stay for just a little longer.

I sat back down next to Nagato. I gazed at the melted popsicles. Didn't matter anymore anyway. Oh well. I looked around one last time, at the walls of books that surrounded me, the walls of things I would never know. I looked to my left at the girl sitting there. She had gone back to reading her book. Her short hair fluttered slightly as her eyes were focused on what they were doing. I turned back to look ahead, and then rested my head back on Nagato's shoulder, where it had been before. I closed my eyes slowly.

Nagato. I'm glad you are here. I'm sorry this is how it is. But for me, I'm really truly glad that I have you.

I heard a radio begin to play a familiar song. A violin song. I don't know why it was familiar. It just was. We sat there like that, in the harmony of the song. Just as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard Nagato's voice.

"Kyon-kun."

"What is it Nagato?" I said softly.

I lifted my head and turned it toward Nagato's face, looking into her eyes. Her face was soft, and emotionless. She suddenly went forward and wrapped her arms around me, her face right next to mine, her eyes closed tightly.

I heard her faint voice whisper out.

"…I do like popsicles."

End.


	12. Author's Notes Pt 1

Hey.

First I'd just like to thank everyone for reading this story. I loved writing it. It was so satisfying to see you all say you enjoyed it so much. So thank you.

After my story got a lot more cerebral near the end, I started to think that I'd like to write a more extensive Author's Notes just to talk about what I was thinking when I was writing it. A lot of what I wrote near the end was actually internal monologue, and a lot was just me writing about myself, rather than writing as Kyon. So I'd like to shed some light, I guess.

So, let's begin. I remember when I wanted to start this story. I had finished reading the novels, and as most of you probably were with the novels and anime, was still unsatisfied. I was extremely intrigued by the 4th novel, as well as the Snow Mountain incident, because they portrayed separate realities of the characters that were interesting to read. I began to think up different storylines. I began to culminate a narrative in my head, and decided that I wanted to write a fanfiction story, because I came up with this one idea I thought would be really interesting. I wanted to write about Nagato because she is my favorite character in the series, and the fact that you almost never get to read about her own feelings or emotions meant that I had leeway in producing a scene in which the characters were not exactly in character but were plausible enough for it to be real.

Following that train of thought, I decided it should be canon-style. That is, in the style of the original author. I know I at least tried, but I realize I sort of shied away from it at the end, as the story turned into my own, and my own writing style became more prevalent.

I remember that I didn't know what my fanfic was going to be called. It took me a little while. I wrote the first two chapters without a name yet. From the beginning, I only had a rough outline of what the story would look like. Basically, it was the first/second chapter, I wanted Yuki to show her feelings of love. Then I wanted the alternate reality and Kyon figuring everything out much like in the novels. The only other scene I had clearly thought out at the beginning besides the diary/clubroom scene, was that I wanted the fic to end in the library. The whole time I was writing, I only had a vague idea of what would happen next, and I rewrote a lot of it. But I knew from the beginning what I wanted the end to be. As I said before, I rewrote the last chapter 3 times. I'll explain more about why I did that and why it ended like that later.

As for my writing process, I think up the concept of the story in my head, and outline what I want to happen next. First thing I do is put on some music from iTunes, usually classical or jazz or something, something for a little background. I then pull up Notepad, and begin to write the chapter. I use notepad because it is the simplest to use, it's just you and the words. You don't have to worry about corrections of spelling mistakes until later, so I'm completely focused on the content. So I write out the chapter basically, that usually takes about 2 nights of writing, couple hours. Then It's the firs stage of editing, which is clean up. I take the text from notepad and put it in Microsoft Word, and then go through all it's corrections and whatnot, mostly ignoring any grammatical corrections it wants to make because I write in a weird grammatical fashion. And I realize I still have mistakes in the stories, I try to cut them down, but some slip through. I apologize for that. So after the first edit, is the second edit, where I read it through completely and edit it to make sure it makes sense, also changing wording around and making sure I don't sound repetitive. Usually that takes one night. Then the 3rd edit is reading through again, and adding in anything else I want to, trying to make the characters sound more canon or adding in story elements I thought of but forgot to add. Then the last edit is the 4th, where I read through it completely in its last form before I upload it to make sure it's all good. This might be another night too. The whole process during the writing of this took about a week for a chapter, more toward the end maybe a little longer, because of school and whatnot.

I am writing this Author's Notes as I am reading the chapters. I don't really have as much time now, so I'm not going to extensively read them, just read them once and write what I remember about them. There will be more later when I get to the chapters I took things out of or rewrote. But for now, The purpose is to let you all know what I intended or what I was thinking. So I might suggest you open up the chapters and try to read along or see what I mean, as I just skip ahead without saying anything, and I apologize for that. The breaks in lines are used to show where I'm talking about something else most of the time.

But now for the first chapter.

This intro paragraph was what sparked me into writing the whole chapter in the first place. I had the idea for the story and everything, but just couldn't really get the motivation to start writing it down. I really didn't want to write a run of the mill fanfic. I wanted it to be a real story, but a believable one in the spectrum of Haruhi's world. So as I continued to reread the novels, I found that a lot of the time, action starts after Kyon has been thinking about some random thing.

This is actually something I had been thinking about myself before, that there is a time in things that you do every day for so long when you stop thinking about the long term end, and just begin thinking about the short term end. School is the best example. Everyone's goal for school is for it to end. But waiting for it to end makes it go so much slower. When you just think about the weekend, soon the weeks start going faster until it's the end.

I really didn't know how to have Nagato sing to Kyon, and play the song for him. And I really didn't want them to have a sleep over. Originally it was that they had a sleep over, and Kyon would be woken up by Yuki playing the song by herself. But there was the problem of the others, and I couldn't have Kyon be there by himself after him having read her diary. So as I thought about this, I got the bright idea somehow of Mikuru dressing up as Tsuruya. And I was like, "I need to have that in there." So I made Haruhi do her crazy thing and think of having a pointless talent show. That would be a good excuse to have everyone to Yuki's house, as most of their activities are plot devices disguised as Haruhi ideas anyway in the novels.

I guess I'll take the time right now to mention the novel that I have Nagato reading. It is actually one of my favorite books I have ever read, The Stranger, by Albert Camus. And I'm glad to see that people were able to pick on the connection between Yuki's situation and the philosophy that the book entails. It's an existential book, in which the main character has meaning only in physical stimulus, and finds the world pointless. It doesn't matter. And much like Yuki, things are inconsequential in the world unless it has to do with Haruhi. I wanted this connection to be a clue to signify Yuki's change, in that she begins to find more that she cares about. Heck, she even starts to care at all. And of course, being the sappy guy I am, I have her love Kyon. Cause it's a good story, and I like writing about love.

For some reason, I found it was kinda hard to write as Haruhi. Because she was so unpredictable, I didn't want to get her character wrong. So I had her set up the plot for now, and then just leave. Also, having Kyon interact with Haruhi was hard to emulate. So I made a poor attempt and then left it at that.

I also realized that I should have Kyon praise Mikuru more since he does a lot of that in the novels. But I take care of more of that later.

So this Nagato scene was the original idea. I find that a lot of these scenes materialize from one picture that I have in my mind. The picture that I had for this was Nagato facing sideways to Kyon, crying, as her tears dropped on to her open book at the backdrop of the auburn color washing over the room from the sun setting. I felt it was a very powerful picture that I had. Symbolic, in that the thing that was catching Nagato's tears, the symbols of her newfound meaning and emotions, was the symbol of her old life, the one in which the only thing she cared about was reading. Her two lives were clashing together at the peak of her emotion, as she did the thing most people do when they are scared or confused. And that is cry. I felt having Yuki cry would be a very powerful thing to happen.

Because having her cry shows how weak she had become. She can't control herself anymore. When you lose control, you cry, because you are in despair. And performing such a heartrending action really softens Yuki's character. Her run out was also inspired by this idea. It was too much so she just had to run away. It was also there so she could drop the diary though.

Now. The diary. That's interesting. Once again, it is there to propel the idea of Yuki changing to the complete opposite of what she was. She wouldn't need to confide in a diary before. You have a diary to write when you have no one to talk to. I myself write about my thoughts. It shows that Yuki is more like a little girl, with no direction. She needs someone to direct her. The fact that she chooses to confide in something as trivial as a diary also goes to show that she is not familiar with the world, and it just makes it that much sadder.

Having Kyon say when she wrote her diary entries was a last minute addition that turned out to be pretty important. So I'm glad I did that. It gave more significance to numbers, which play a slightly significant role in the fanfiction, if you pay attention.

So her confession comes indirectly. Kyon being so clueless about it is something I wanted to have happen because... that means she may have loved him all along, but was just now being affected by it (and by the way, I hope everyone sees the subtle affection she has for him in the novels, because that's what I was playing off of).

Her second diary entry was great. I had her say "Diary" at the beginning of the first two to show that she didn't really know how to do it. But then to show that she was becoming more and more humanlike, she says "Dear Diary" in the last one, as if she is writing a letter instead of a briefing. I really like the shark analogy. I wanted to show how wayward and helpless she was feeling. The fact that she writes and thinks in symbols is so I can continue to do that throughout the fanfic, first with the dream states, and then with the alternate reality that Yuki creates, that has symbols throughout it. It's also to show that Yuki is fighting her cryptic and stale mechanical side with creative thought.

But this last one was my favorite one. This dream was the ultimate example of her realization that she is lost. The fact that she can't move herself, she can't control herself anymore. It's meant to symbolize how you can't control your feelings. She can't control the fact that she loves Kyon. And the only one that can save her is Kyon himself. The last lines she writes, about her apartment being bare, are not only there as symbols of her emotional state, but also as an explanation as to why she has furniture when Kyon goes there later in the chapter. Because she hates being bare now. I knew I would want to come back to this diary entry. And I did later.

Also, the "Yuki-rin" part is her final separation from her old self. She didn't get to choose her own name, but by calling herself "Yuki-rin", she can finally control something about herself, her identity.

I had two images in mind for the next scene. One was Yuki peeking her head out the door as Kyon looked inside to see everything that had changed. The other image was of Yuki crying, and closing the door on Kyon.

More reinforcement that Yuki is struggling to be normal and like the other humans in this part, with the fact that she changed into normal clothes and has gotten furniture. But it also serves to show that she did not expect Kyon to follow her home, even though she dropped that bombshell on him and ran away.

More powerful actions by Yuki here, with her closing the door on Kyon. It is symbolizing how she has to close him out of her life, no matter how much she wants to let him in. This exemplifies that her struggle continues within herself, and that what she knows can't happen is trumping her emotions and wants, even though they are taking hold of her.

And it ends with Kyon, looking at that oh so special number that keeps coming up. I guess I'll talk about that later too.

Ch 2

From here on out, if I remember correctly, I start a lot of the chapters with Kyon waking up in his bed. A lot of the time with his sister coming in too, because, well, that's what usually happens. And, once again, the chapter starts with Kyon thinking about something.

I guess I should mention here, a synthetic style to my writing. It goes from huge block paragraphs of thought, to short lines of description and dialogue. I believe it was lord orion123 who commented on the long paragraphs that may have been hard to read. Yeah, sorry about that. But I chose to have them that way so the thoughts remained intact and fluid, and didn't have to be broken up by paragraphs or white lines.

So anyway. The original movie idea was kind of tossed in, because I felt like it. It really has no significance, aside from leading up the sleep over and giving Kyon a chance to talk to Koizumi, and think about Nagato more. It was also a fun excuse to show that Yuki has to hide her emotions. Specifically the part where she is looking at Kyon on the train. She has to act like she used to, but still gives in to her desires a little and thinks about Kyon.

Hehe, I'm just now reading the "If it's fun she wants..." line that I had Kyon say about Mikuru. Kyon is quite the pervert in his own mind.

I think that the banter between Kyon and Haruhi about her being the judge and seriousness is a good addition, because it further reinforces Haruhi's personality trait of thinking that she's in control, but really is actually making no sense.

Kyon's lines about Koizumi's two mysteries are how I feel about them. The Snow mountain one was not as good as the Lone Island one. In fact, I thought it was pretty lame, but what are you going to do, they knew it wasn't real.

I think that Koizumi doing magic was just the first thing I thought of. And it's inconsequential anyway. I purposefully skipped Kyon's act because, and I'll be honest, I really didn't know what to have him do. Mikuru's act was something I had been hoping to see for a while, and something I thought would be pretty funny to fry Kyon's mind with. As I mentioned before too, it was what sparked my imagination into creating the talent show.

Oh, Haha, and by the way, I had been waiting for Kyon to call Koizumi a douche since the first novel, so I'm glad I added it here.

Now, to get serious, this next part with Nagato is probably one of the most important parts of the story and also where I chose the name from. Ich Liebe Dich is actually a composition by Edvarg Greig, one of my favorite composers. I implore all of you to give it a listen. It doesn't have singing, but I had to add that in for romantic affect.

So, symbolically, this is Nagato expressing her love to Kyon. Later, she is able to do that via her dream states, but this is the only actual time in reality (besides the end) where she expresses her love to Kyon herself, in typical Nagato fashion, by being enigmatic. I wanted to talk more about the music, but it was getting kind of redundant. I thought about maybe uploading the actual song and linking to it so you readers could listen to it at the same time as reading, but then decided against it. Yuki swaying back and forth, being lost in her music is just as she is lost in her love for Kyon. She doesn't know how to express these new feelings, and the way she does comes through in a completely creative and non rigid way, very artistic, once again the opposite of her old self. It is symbolic in that she chose this way to do it. Also, if you notice in the last chapter, Kyon hears her playing the violin before he knocks on her door.

I like the image of everyone kneeling down with dumbfounded looks on their faces, mouths agape, as Yuki just goes and puts her instrument away and then sits down again, as if nothing happened.

I also had them sleep like that for a reason, with the 3 other members in between Kyon and Yuki, but I think that's pretty obvious.

I wrote the line that Yuki says, "Was it good?" And immediately thought right after what Kyon thinks. That sounds like they just had sex or something.

And I love to end chapters like this, with a spoken word revealing so much, yet still concealing so much. It's satisfying.

Ch 3

And here we have one of those long paragraphs, which encompasses Kyon's "dream". I am weary of telling you what I intended with these symbols here, because I want you all to come to your own conclusions on the really big ones that are apparent throughout the story, and what they mean to it as a whole. This particular "dream" is extremely important to the story in that it introduces these certain symbols for Yuki. So pay attention to this.

The snowflakes, which come from Yuki's eyes as her tears, are the first important symbol. It always shows up in the dream states, including the last time we see Yuki in this particular form. Think about what snow is, what it means to Yuki, how it fits with her. It's symbolic that she cries snow, when crying is such a sorrowful thing, why would she be crying the snow? And why would it fill the room like it did? The music notes are there to symbolize her playing, to visualize it so it can be with the snow. Colors, specifically black and white, have big meaning throughout the story, especially in later chapters, like Chapter 10. To have the contour between the two, the two extremes of light and dark, pure and evil, sight and blindness, is symbolic in itself, so I wanted to have them together for a special reason for Yuki, and more so for Kyon later. The significance of Nagato playing the music and crying at the same time is important as well. And once again, we have the importance of names, as Kyon only sees Yuki say his name, which she never says in the novels or anime.

Now, when he "wakes up", he is actually in another dream state. I hope that wasn't confusing. The part about him calling Yuki's name meant that he was trying to call to her in the "dream", but couldn't while she playing, as he was saying it out loud.

I like Nagato's actions here, because they subtly hint to her shyness. How she is so eager for Kyon to love her.

And another reference to what time it is here.

I felt really awkward trying to have Yuki say that she practiced that song extensively for him. But I put it in, because I wanted it to be there, to show that Yuki wasn't using any unconventional methods to try and impress Kyon, she is more human, and has to practice to impress the one she is in love with.

And Kyon confesses to reading the diary, even though it seems Yuki already knows. She reacts in the typical normal way though, leaving when she does not know what to say. I tried to have it be symbolic for her trying to escape her emotions. She has to leave the place Kyon is at, after he becomes the one who knows she is different. She is fighting to either accept or deny the fact.

Koizumi's explanation of dreams is sort of ironic, in that they are actually in a dream state right now, which he will explain later. I like to leave some ambiguity to it. Does Koizumi really know what's going on right now, or not? Is it really him?

Then Koizumi saying that he didn't hear Kyon again suggests that only Yuki heard him, and perhaps it was in her own dream from before that she heard him. Perhaps she was asleep with Kyon at the same time. Perhaps she just wanted to hear Kyon say her name. This is all supposed to be ambiguous.

Then I have Koizumi explain the basic plot of The Stranger, how I remember it at least. It really does connect somewhat to Yuki's situation, and, once again, I was glad to see some reader's caught on to that. I also like how Kyon still doesn't get it and Koizumi ignores his stupidity and continues on explaining things. Then Koizumi reveals he knows what was going on the whole time with Nagato, and that she loves Kyon.

And then, of course, Kyon has to go after her. I took this opportunity to do some description of the setting, and of Kyon in desperation. I tried to make it seem like he was getting more and more worried, and more distressed. And I believe it was also predetermined that this whole chapter would lead up to the scene of them at the park. I think that's what I was thinking of that sparked the whole dream sequences. Yuki sitting on the bench, with the sun peeking over and casting a small glow, trying not to cry.

This is the first time Kyon cries. I really wanted this to be emotional. And I wanted him to be confused at the same time. That's why he has no idea where he's running or why he is crying. I particularly want the reader to pay attention to the dialogue, it's where a lot of the emotion comes from. Yuki is trying not to cry because in the first chapter, Kyon told her not to. At the end point, I felt it was powerful that they were just crying there, together. Yuki realizes how this can never happen. And yes, this is where Kyon first calls her Yuki-Rin to her face, and I think the only time he remembers to do it himself. I think the other times, Yuki asks him to. And after she kisses his cheek, the whiteness and snowflakes come back. I feel that the paragraph talking about the notes and the music and what it means to comfort them is very telling. It's as if Kyon knows all that but doesn't at the same time. Of course, he wakes up out of his dream state, confused, looking at the time.

And once again, I end the chapter with spoken word.

Ch 4

This first line that Kyon reads is the first line from the book The Stranger, and is a famous line from it (Maman mom). It is symbolic in itself that it is raining, not only because rain is gloomy and sets a nice mood, but because Kyon has just gone through two dream like states that involved snow. When he comes back to reality, he is met with rain from the real world, instead of the cold snow from Yuki's dream states.

This whole part with the school supplies coming out of the bag was not planned at all, and I think I wrote it on the spot during my last edit, just because I thought of the idea of having Nagato make a cartoon, just to add to the childish love she feels. It turned out that I used it for something later, so thank goodness I did it. I thought it would be funny to have Mikuru catch Kyon, and making him forget all of his troubles in an instant just by yawning cutely.

Then most of this beginning stuff afterward is just fluff, is just what I wanted to write. It's not there particularly for any reason, just to let you know what happened.

The line about a Western Civilization quiz is there because I was actually putting off studying for my Western Civ test I had the next day as I was writing this. I think I got D on the test, I don't remember. I never got better then a C in the class.

I think there is a couple times that I have Kyon think about things when he rides his bike throughout this story. Because when you ride your bike, you don't have much else to think about.

A lot of this is here just to show you Kyon's normal life right now, how everything is, because it is about to change to the alternate time plane.

I don't know why, but for some reason, I wrote Kunikida as a really good friend, and Taniguchi as a really bad one. I guess I just felt like it. I just like Kunikida, seems like he's just there and doesn't do anything stupid. Plus, gender-bent TsuruyaxKunikida is the best. But more on that later.

The real purpose for this chapter was for this explanation as to what is going on. I hope you all understand it, but if I remember correctly, some were still confused. Nagato creates separate realities called dream states, so she can express her emotions in some way. She wants Kyon to be in them because she loves him. This enables them to be together outside of the real reality with Haruhi, because otherwise they would be forbidden to do that. But they are still connected to reality, because they will remember what happens in the dream state. Basically, it's a world created by Nagato for her and Kyon, everyone else is just synthetic. Don't know if that helps. Hopefully.

Not much else about this chapter. It was pretty short, I think the 2nd shortest. It ends with the white swallowing Kyon again. Keep that in mind later.

Thanks for reading this if you did. I will have more soon, I hope. I apologize for taking so long to get these up, but I had stuff to do, so I took a break. I really appreciate all of you readers who read and reviewed though, you really are great and gave me more confidence in what I was writing. It also made me have a lot more fun. Please comment on anything in here too, I'd love to hear what you have to say, as always.

Ki o tsukete

Tamekichi


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